D.I.D. a Legitimate Diagnosis
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D.I.D. A Legitimate Diagnosis Forum
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New, and already hit a road block

So, I was diagnosed with MPD/DID but i like MPD and I think I should use what I like...right?

I am at the stage where I am seeing the memeries but I feel nothing, I mean literally it's like it's not even me, like I am hearing this story about this poor little girl, and people are saying its me, but I just cant believe them.

I find myself going through highs and lows and my partner (GOD love her) sweeps right along with me. Sometimes I love therapy,, I have these ahha momemts, and then there is just nothing to talk about and she is looking at me, like I can pull my alters out of a hat and I feel like a loser!

NO one knows I have it expect for my partner and my Dr, and even then I feel pressured to preform something,,,,on top of all the new and crazy things that I am finding out about my past! I just can't do on call. Is this normal?
Can any of you guys just be your other alters? Please tell me.

Lost, new and utterly confused.

Re: New, and already hit a road block

No I cannot become one of my alters at the wishes and beck and call of others. My stitching into alters is the result of something upsetting me or making me feel any strong emotions, and experiencing anything that remotely reminds me of the abuse I went through as a child. And then when I switch the resulting alternate personality that I switch into is the one that matches whatever the upsetting situation or emotion that I am experiencing IE if I get angry I switch into an alter that holds my anger filled memories from my childhood, if I feel nervous I switch into the alternate personality that holds those childhood memories of my being nervous. As far as remembering things but not feeling them most of the time that rarely happens to me. when I remembered things from the past that my alters hold for me it comes to me in many ways ie flashbacks and nightmares and initially I feel them. In fact they feel so real as if it is all happening right that I end up switching into alternate personalities instead of letting myself feel all that pain and emotions and know that those things happened to me. Thankfully I had a great therapist who taught me that it is ok to let myself feel and showed me how to teach myself about what emotions were so that I wouldn’t fear my emotions and how to remain grounded instead of dissociating into alternate personalities.

Also most if not all of the people that I know with DID cannot just snap their fingers and become an alter. Most if not all DID switching by those that I know are DID is the result of being triggered by something that reminds the person of those past memories of being abused as a child.

As far as therapeutic professionals well here in the USA it is forbidden for mental health professionals to request that the client become one of their alters except for specific reasons and guidelines for doing so that will not have the person thinking that they must perform as an alter for their therapeutic professionals. The reason for this strict code of ethics and guidelines for working with DID persons is because of False Memory Syndrome where in years gone by people that were diagnosed MPD turned out to be not MPD but were acting as if they were to please their therapeutic professionals with suddenly remembering things as an alter that never actually happened. Which ended up with many MPD clients taking their therapeutic professionals to court for emotional abuse and causing them to create false memories so now in the USA there are very strict guidelines put in place by therapeutic agency protocols and state mental health state boards that over see mental health professionals conduct, ethics ect.. and also nationwide guidelines of ethics and what a therapeutic professional can and cant do with their clients.

I have seen many therapeutic professionals and none asked or acted like I had to pull an alter out of a hat. when they were quiet and looking at me that was because they were waiting to see if I had anything more to say on the topic we were discussing and or giving me the time to think about what we were discussing or letting me lead the way. I am the one paying the therapist for their help but they dont know what I need from them unless I tell them first. So they wait for me to talk to find out what I need from them and how I want to spend my therapy time with them.

Re: New, and already hit a road block

This info is really helpful, thank you so much! SHe does ask to speak to my alters, and now we are practicing hypnosis. She said, its not for you to remember anything, it is rather for you to view things as "if you are watching it on a movie screen."

I dont wanna be a research project for her, I pray that I am not, although in the pit of my stomach I think I may be.

Thanks again for the false memory information, and I am going to look it up and see if she is the Dr for me.