Hi I lost my husband to this disorder & a creepy diovorice about5 yrs ago. Iam still hurting and greaving this has also made me a secondary victim and Iam tramatized also. He went to theropy but it failed , He was stockedholmed back to his perps his mother and dad.He even made an alter like me! I never realized what was happening untill it was too late this went on & on and he got sicker as time went by. We were together for14yrs and then whamo Out came different voices, the littles anal pain and screaming cheating stealind my money ans yes throwing heavy shovels and vaccumn cleaners at me Yes it got very dangerious.He became sexually shut down ect. I loved him while I could and then he lef tme strandedI saw him a few weeks ago, but he seemed not to know me at all he sat with a flat affect and never said one single word! How could HE not know or remember his wife????? Please help me to understand as we were a close loving couple How could he evaporate? and return to his perps?

Hi Anne - There are many reasons why a person with DID does not recognize their loved ones. Heres an example when I switch into my alters its like being in a time warp where I am physically reliving that time and age when I am that alter. one of my alters is 10 years old. when I was 10 age wise I was not married and the year was 1976. our town had a picnic and a parade to celebrate the nations 200th independace day. Cell phones were not invented in 1976, I was not married in 1976, I did not have any adopted nor biological children. I had a barbie, I had a mickey mouse ball, I had dolls, so when I am that alter its like being sent back in a time machine where all there is, is the date of 1976, I am 10 years old and I have barbie my ball and my dolls and getting ready for the independace day picnic and parade. because when I was biologically 10 I wasnt married as that alter I am not married and I cant work a cell phone, computer or any other modern technology that was not available back in 1976.

Having alternate personalities is what the psychological professionals call distinct and enduring alternate personalities or identities. these type of alters cant be changed, learn and so forth. they just are what they are pieces of memories of when the person with DID was those specific ages and the abuse situations that they went through during that time.

As for why his alters suddenly showed up to you one day, most likely all the time the two of you were together he had been switching into alternate personalities, but because you did not know he was DID you did not recognize the subtle mannerisms, and so forth.

what makes a person switch into such violence and pain filled alters or any alters for that matter is called Triggers. when a person experiences anything that reminds them consciously or unconsciously of any of their past abuse or memories that are locked off into alternate personalities the person automatically uses their safety defenses for example some start feeling like they are out of harms way floating on the ceiling watching. and their body switches into acting as the corresponding alter that holds the memories and emotions of the triggers.

Since you used the term lack of affect instead of saying he sat there showing no emotions you most likely have some sort of therapeutic background either from his therapy times, or your own or you have done some research on DID. if you have a therapist you can talk about DID with that therapist and they can help you to understand what your loved one is going through. if you dont have a therapist you might consider getting one to at least help you through this rough time you are having and to help you understand what DID is and what a person with this mental disorder goes through.