Hello,
I have been involved with a wonderful man for a year now. The relationship has been a challenge because he is a very untrusting and sensitive person that I have to be very careful with.

All was going fine and he recently admitted that he loved me. Soon after that I started receiving very disturbing text messages from a mystery woman. He claimed he has no idea who she is but said that he was once approached by a woman with the same name in a store parking lot and that she had warned him to be careful of me that I was a bad person, etc.

That event caused a big stir in our relationship because I was of course very upset by the unknown identity of the person and their motive to say such horrible things about me. He in turn was extremely upset by it too and felt like he couldn't trust me and he actually did break up with me for 3 days before returning and admitting love.

Everything was fine for awhile then the texts started. I was very troubled by the texts trying so hard to figure out who this person was and why they would want to do this. The texts did contain information that only someone very close to me would know. As I opened my mind and really looked at them closely, I could clearly see that all points in the texts were strangely similar to events and issues that he had said upset him in his life and childhood; as if they were being projected to me.

This was when I first realized the texts had to be coming from him. I was floored; I thought why? That is when it occurred to me that maybe he doesn’t know that he sent them to me. I then started doing research on D.I.D.

So now I wonder, does he have this? Is the woman texting me an alter of his? Does he know? How do I approach it? Do I bluntly ask him? Do I just one day requests to speak to the alter? What is I am wrong, he will be confused for sure. Can I help him? Can I love him and stay in the relationship? I feel that I want to stay with him but I am reaching out now for help and answers.

Wow, I was going to email you but decided to answer here just in case he is able to read your email. This is a tough one for sure. I'm trying to remember when I had so much missing time and people were accusing me of doing and saying things that I KNEW I had not but after diagnosis these things started making so much sense. I was never asked or accused of being multiple however I was accused of being a liar which was really confusing to me. I can't tell you what to do but I would certainly keep an eye on things. If you were to approach him with the question of multiplicity or try to reach an alter that could be doing these things, he will deny it (either out of confusion or the fact that he may not be multiple) which I'm so afraid would cause way too much stress on the relationship from my point of view. If he is multiple then it could begin to trigger memories that he may not be ready for and anger that the SECRETS have been uncovered.
On the flip side if he is not multiple and doing these things out of spite then he will of course deny THAT as well. I totally understand your need to know because your future relies on the truth and that is what you need to focus on. You need to take care of yourself and if he is indeed multiple you should ask yourself if you could handle such a relationship for the future. Please remember not to try to act as his therapist because only a trained professional should take that position.
My husband was ready to walk out the door because of alters ranting and raving and leaving the house for a joy ride very often and he began to believe that I was cheating on him until I began to see my alters. When I told him of my diagnosis he was very relieved and our relationship has blossomed but If he had suggested such a diagnosis, my alters would have certainly stayed hidden and would have continued with their hidden identities out of fear of being discovered.
It is a teeter totter issue isn't it!!! I hope I have helped in a small way, if you want to talk personally to me you can email me and we can discuss this further and you can talk it out.
Above all please take good care of yourself, if he is multiple just know that therapy takes years and years to break through the barriers and if you choose to stay with him you need to be healthy and strong not only for him but for your own self. Know that "if he is multiple" that just hearing his memories could cause you to automatically dissociate in order for your mind to protect yourself.
Please email me if you need private support!
Candy Little

Wow, very good info. Thank you so very much and I will email you now. !

When you began to see your alters, what was that like? Could it be that he saw her (the alter) in the parking lot and in his memory he thinks he was just standing there talking to another person?

When did you start to realize that they were alters and how did/do you communicate now?

No, actually I saw them inside of my head like I had people walking in my head. It was very sickening like if you had a bug in your ear and could not get it out. That's the only way I can describe it. I really do not know how other multiples see there alters, I can't remember hearing another survivor explain it. The only time that I have seen an alter on the outside was when I was very little about 4 years old and it was our Indian. But as an adult I have never seen any alter on the outside of me. Now people with schizophrenia do see people on the outside of their heads. There are other mental illnesses that mimic D.I.D. that I am not real familiar with, but that's why it's important to not self diagnose.
Candy Little