Hi. My name is Nan. I have been living with my husband who has DID for almost 8 years now. In the first few years I didn't know he had it because I had no knowledge of DID at all; I just noticed that he had a serious temper and got angry swiftly when things didn't turn out the way he expected. I have found out a few years ago that his condition is actually DID and tried coping with his alter hoping that my love for him would help. I love him with all my heart. When his later came out, he was violent, abusive and mean. He would say such things that makes me feel worthless and guilty of his behavior. I tried so hard not to say or do anything which provokes him or trigger his alter, but sometimes it was like impossible because even without saying or doing anything, he still blamed me for his being angry. I chose to be quiet and passive every time he became the other one but truthfully I was tremendously scary of him. We used to speak about his condition many times but he never get therapy because he thinks he can control it by himself.
For the last 2 years, he has gotten better than before, meaning that his angry side hasn't shown up often. But last month there was several events in our life which made him disappointed and his angry alter was back. It has been more than a month now and most of the time his alter has been here giving me silent treatment, horrible words, and insulting look. I feel scattered and wrecked, I have to sneak into the bathroom at midnight crying in the deep corner being afraid that he will hear my sobbings. I don't know what to do. I still love him but I lose faith in it. It affects my emotion a lot although I try not to take it personally. I feel so small and insignificant. I guess I have been pulling it together all these years and now I can't hold it anymore. What should I do to get through this?

Dear Nan, I am the webmaster of this website and just read your post. My heart really goes out to you. I can remember my angry alter being so bad and terrible to my husband, she said things to him that now I find disgusting and embarrassed about. When she would go into a rage, I knew what was happening but didn't know how to stop it. I had a lot of pain and anger inside and didn't know how to deal with it until I went through therapy. It took me 15 years to get through it and my angry alters have now found peace and my marriage is so strong. I cannot imagine being my husband and having to deal with my angry alters, I would have left him long ago if the tables were turned but am so glad that I didn't now.
I wish I could tell you what to do, and that it will be alright but until he gets professional help, I'm afraid "his controlling" his alters will be almost impossible.
I had to reach rock bottom and had a mental breakdown before I went for help. To be quite honest, I knew I needed help all of my life but just didn't know how to go about getting the help that I needed. I didn't know that it would be so easy to find the help that I needed.
I ended up going to my Primary care physician where she listened to most of my alters telling her about our life. She in turn referred me to my psychiatrist who in turn referred me to my therapist. In one week I had all of my support lined up and in place. Like I said I was in therapy for fifteen years so it does take a long time to fix what has been wrong all of those years.
I am so sorry that I do not have any answers, I just hope that my story can in some way give you the courage and strength to hold on. He may have to reach rock bottom but don't forget that he can be helped but only if he goes for it.
If you need to talk about anything or just need support, please don't hesitate to write me personally. I can't do much but I can listen and maybe give suggestions.
I wish I could do more.
Sincerely Candy LIttle