Hi. I'm a little leary about writing in this message board. I guess I don't know if I have MPD or not. Two therapist say I do, I just don't know. I feel like I have different "parts" of me and they really do conflict with each other but I feel like its normal and that I don't really have MPD. I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm writing in here.

Hi Steph! I know how scary it can be to open up on a message board but please know that you are very welcomed here and there are a lot of very nice people whom I hope will respond to you here.
You are not alone and I'm sure that by posting here and getting responses from others who are going through the same things will help you to feel much better.
TAke care!
Candy Little
Webmaster

Steph,

I know just how you feel. I was diagnosed just a few months ago. It has all seemed very unreal to me. My therapist told me once that I have a protector that tries to convince me that all of this is not real. See, if we do not believe it, then we will stop going to counseling. My protector knows that if I were to stop counseling, I would not have to open the door for those he is protecting to be exposed.

Then there is the questions of who do you tell? I told my husband and a really good friend of mine that is like a second mom. I also told my daughter who said that she was not surprised. I wanted to tell more people at first. I now know that it is not safe to do so.

Please write anytime. I am new at this as well. I know the feeling of needing to talk to someone who understands. This is a safe site. I have really felt comfortable here.

Hope to hear from you again soon,
Melissa

Melissa, you are so smart to stop telling people when you did. I did make the mistake of telling way too many people, I just thought that if they knew why I had acted so strange all these years that maybe they would understand and except me. NOT!!!
Steph, I just know you will get alot more wisdom from even more brave survivors.
Hang in there!!!
Candy

Thanks for your support. I haven't told anyone about MPD. One of my close friends who has seen me at my worst and has admitted me to the hospital a couple times has been exposed to the angry part of me so she kind of knows but I don't know if she truly buys it. I've told my boyfriend about the sexual abuse but not the MPD, I guess mostly because I'm not totally convinced that its true myself and it would probably really scare him off anyway. But thanks. You are too sweet.

It's such a shame that people "don't get it"! I think that there have been so many false diagnosis and families torn apart under those circumstanses that now, society believes that everyone who "claims" to be multiple is faking it too.
Candy

I've even told myself and my counselor that I'm faking it. My counselor seems to think thats just the denial part of me talking though or something. She says no body can be that good at faking MPD and that with her experience if it was even possible to fake MPD she'd know about it.

Hi
First time here was looking to find out if I do have mpd, Iv'e always known i can adapt to any situiation even if that gets a little extreme at times, i get a sense of being a stranger in the eyes of a familiar person from my actions at times.

Today I took these many me's to my counsellor, and from all I'm reading seems the common link is loss of the ability to trust in self and others, so we build a safe house and fill it with family we can rely on no matter what lies ahead.

So you have therapists telling you who you are at what time and why they are there! Hands up all alters who trust that pile of crap. Maybe I just havent found the right counsellor yet!

Maybe I'm making it up, losing track, frustrated and
best end my ramblings
thoughts are with you and yours
manyme

Hi. I'm glad that you have found a counselor. Mine wasn't always aware of the many parts of me. I hid for a long time and didn't let her see them. But once I broke loose and found that it was ok to show them to her, she started getting to know the many parts of me and can tell when they are present and when I switch and stuff. She'll ask, "I think this is so and so...am I right?" Just to make sure she is reading me correctly. She's right 99% of the time. I'm lucky to have a counselor who is so experienced with dissociative disorders. I don't like calling it MPD.

Good luck to you. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

ty for replying, i feel like I now have 2 people who can relate with the 'manyme crew'
apologies for the MPD labelling if I caused any offence, you see one of the manyme's has tirelessly researched and trained to become our own therpaist.

Well who can you truly, really honestly, whole heartedly believe in, other than those you have built in response to that world you learnt not to trust.

This counsellor is via a GP and is only for 8 weeks, seems to offer me a space to let it all out without anxiety of having to face him for very long, I know when it will be over!! (the relationship I mean)

But yes having a good counsellor, cos a friend can't do it, yet a counsellor that feels like a friend is what Iv'e been looking for for quite some time now, I know I'm ready to look honestly with the manyme's but the scariest thing is I know I can't do this without outside help, and that means facing the real demons, the ones I fear are inside every hope I have to be at peace with myself/s whatever the case may be.

great thing is iv'e found this place, and I'm starting to journal, looking to get to know if and how the manyme's can live in harmony. Its so tiring when I can't make sense of the the lack of prediction!

Hugs to you all, xxxx

Manyme's! It sounds like you are really going through a lot right now! The first thing I did when I got my diagnosis of MPD/DID is, I bought the book Multiple Personality Disorder from the inside out!
I was totally swept away when I started reading what other MPD/DID's had written, I mean wow it was like I was reading my own biography and I started to feel less "non-human" and out of place.
Of course I still went to my therapy sessions but at least I knew that I did fit in somewhere.
I think the journaling will help you and your alters probably better than anything (except therapy). I look at therapy as a way for my ears to hear what my alters are actually thinking and saying but I just can't hear it because of the amnesia. And yes it is good to find the right therapist who you are comfortable with after all you will be telling her/him more about your life than you've ever known yourself.
You are experiencing probably the scariest part of your healing journey right now. It's frightening to go it alone and not know what's going on.
You have my full support! Keep journaling and lean on your support system, that's what we are all here for.
You are not crazy!!!
Stay Safe
Candy

ty Candy
your support is greatly appreciated, yeah it does feel like a tough time at the moment, and as yet no psychiatrist had labelled me (not diagnosed)

Today I'm thinking I'm over reacting, everyone has different moods and personality traits, depression runs in the family..........

For now I'm gonna concentrate on working with what's happening, what I'm aware of. Just a tangled ball at the moment.
thanks for book suggestion will check it out
hugs n stuff

Sounds like you have a plan!
Wishing you well!
Stay Safe, talk to you later!
Candy