hi, everyone. i need help, as we all do. i m having these dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me, not trusting him, always with some women around him, who want something from him or he wants something from them. i m so confused. that of course affects my everyday life, and i dont know if m paranoid, confused, i talk to my boyfriend about it all the time, but whatever he says, i m still feeling like i dont trust him enough, and i want that to stop. what is going on with me, it s so suffocating, i feel i cant move from one point and just relax and have a good relationship. in my dreams i see all these beautiful women and him in these very intimate situations, sometimes having sex, sometimes just flirting and him trying to hide that from me, and i still cant look objectively at the problem and see if these are the hyints i m picking up from his behavior or it s just me imagining stuff. do you have any idea why would these dreams repeat, besides they probably imply the solution, but i can t remove the veil from my eyes and figure out what is happening? i mean, even if that is true that maybe his behavior in a way makes me insecure, that s not the point, right? your help would definitely be of a huge importance for me, and i ll try to give you reply as soon as i connect things in my head, thanks

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Hi Maya

Experiencing your partner cheating in a dream can sometimes cut close to the bone and the sense of this happening can feel so real at times.

Our dreams though do tend to really reflect what is going on inside of us, each element of a dream is completely personal to the dreramer, A dream is a little bit like a stage really where WE give the characters in the dream a role, we give them their voices their actions which has come from us the dreamer, and on this mental stage our inner dynamics play out with each other.

Men in dreams indicate our own maleness our thoughts, beliefs and behaviour, and females tend to reflect our feeling, intuitive self.

To dream of your boyfreind would suggest that in some way you have simmialr traits in the way you think, you are similar in your atitudes and behaviour, He reflects really an aspect of your own self, traits you are 'intimate with', within your own being.

When dreaming that our partner cheats on us in some way and it does really depend on the context of the rest of the dream, but generally it intimates that in some way we are rejecting a part of ourself to be with other ways of being that relates to what your dream females convey.

For example if an aspect of ourselves is grumpy or controlling or jealous and we hold that as a main perception of ourselves with which we dont like, our dream then might in some way act this out symbollically. Your own 'beliefs' (inner boyfreind) about yourself are ultimately saying that they want to bond with what ever these dream females are conveying, which incidentally reflect some aspect of your nature too, though hard to see sometimes. If these dream females reflect maybe feelings of selfworth and happiness then what your dream is saying is that a part of you really wants to connect with these more positive aspects of self, but in doing so is rejecting 'you' your current way of feeling at the moment.

Asking yourself how you feel on a day to day basis at present and in relationship to your boyfreind may give you an indication of something your fed up with feeling.

Our external relationships do ultimately reflect our internal relationships and it is highly lightly that you have attracted your boyfreind into your life to learn about these certain dynamics you have within yourself, we also spiritually attract our partners who in some way plays a role that is fitting and reflects back our own inner masculine or feminine traits that we are intimate with, within ourselves.
That was a mouthful :)

I hope this makes some sense to you, to put it another way dreams of cheating can really be about how we are cheating on ourselves in some way, recognising those parts of yourself that you are cheating on/rejecting and finding time to connect with how you really feel can be deeply rewarding and healing. The best of luck to you.

Marce

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hello, marce, thank you so much for your response. lot of it makes a lot of sense, too, the only thing is that i m not quite sure where to begin with solving it in my waking life. you r definitely right about some aspects of myself that i neglected or i m not aware of them or i m scared to acknowledge them, and the other 'bad' aspects, the ones i dont like, that i m trying to reject. but somehow, they always win and keep me confused and my dreams scare me in a way i start to hate myself and feel guilty and cant sleep and lose weight and being so oversensitive about my relationshipa dn again, as you said, controlig, possesive and jelaous, although, if anyone asks me what i think jellaousy is, i wouldn t have straight answer, i mean, definition. so, i read your response couple of times in order to understand it better, and what i kind of understood, correct me if i m wrong, that i m actually and mostly projecting my own fears on my boyfriend and that i could be the one with the problem of being loyal, maybe? i un derstood the part with masculine part of myself, my beliefs and trying to connect with these 'better' aspects of myself, like these beautiful, happy, smiling women are, but do you think i should in that case work more on my macsuline or feminine side, because it s seems to me that i m lacking something huge there, i still of course dont know what. and yes, i am fed up with a feeling of being insecure in a company of almost every woman who seems 'better' than me, and i keep asking myself when did that exactly happen, because that was not the case before, where did i lost the connection with myself that much, cause it seems i m so far away from everyting i was before. being in this realtionship, as you said, i discovered things i didnt before about myself, and i dont like them, and i was just wondering why is that happening right now when i have this wonderful boyfriend and a great realtionship, and now i m so stiff and can t move in any direction, cause i m losing it..thanks again, and i m hoping we ll talk more

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Hello Maya

Im glad that it made a little sense to you, having feelings of insecurity in a relationship are no fun at all.

You wrote in your reply "i understood the part with masculine part of myself, my beliefs and trying to connect with these 'better' aspects of myself, like these beautiful, happy, smiling women are" This is where your disloyalty exists where you are cheating on yourself for your attitude/thoughts (inner boyfriend) towards your self are ones that reject a part of yourself (insecure day to day feeling aspect)in favour of the more happy easygoing side of 'YOUR' nature.

Great leaps and bounds can be made in dream therapy, for not only do dreams portray our negative side but also our positive traits, In your case your happy fun easygoing nature. A man named Fritz pearls developed a technique called gesalt therapy, and suggested ways of getting in touch with these parts of the self by going back into your dream imagery and becoming the different characters, that is embodying the energy of each character and element in the dream that is specific to you. For example getting in touch with these other female aspects and getting a sense of the energy of each of these characters their happy golucky sense of self their confidence you may begin to realise that this energy is a deeply engrained part of your self. The same goes for working with other aspects of our behaviour that we are unsure of or do not recognise. In this way you are working with the dream itself and it can be very empowering.

Another way of connecting with oneself and releasing deeply held feelings is one of focusing, some times when analysing ourselves we do get to understand the connections and dynamics at play within the psyche but no healing takes place, with focusing one brings awarness to how we feel in our bodys and in doing so can liberate and release great amounts of repressed energy that we carry around in our physical beings, and on doing so we release the conflicts that play out in our lives. This technique I have found to be the most effective and it is quite simple you can do it with ones self or with a partner. A book has been written called The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing
by Ann Weiser, Ph.D. Cornell and is simple to understand with out getting bogged down with too much technical detail of the mind.

these are good starting places there is also diferent cds you can buy that have a relaxation/meditation technique called yoga nidra and can really help to focus your awarness and centre yourself, over time it helps one identify more with their centre that part of us that is still intact and untouched by previous experinces that have had an effect on our well being.

Insecurity within relationships is a common factor and talking in a very general way has its roots usually in the past, particularly within relationships to parents. Men who have had troublesome relationships with their mother may feel rejected later in life by their female partners and likewise for women who find they attract into their lives men who cheat on them, or experiences of insecurity even though the relationship is loving, the root of this conflict may exist with their fathers not being there for them, issues of abandoment or previous experiences of being betrayed. Again this is a very general statement and is very analytical, the true path to healing is through acknowledgement of ones feelings, changing our relationship to them and ourselves, dreams can give insight in to the origins of these emotional tendencies in self and asking each night before sleeping to be given a dream in relation to what your wanting insight and healing on, will set the wheels in progress this coupled with the other healing techniques above can bring about profound changes. Feel free if you have any more questions.
The best of luck to you
Marce

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