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Getting to know evil

Hi, I recently had a dream where I was associated with a man whom I knew to be very dangerous - both to himself and others. I knew him to be very clever and murderous, and I strongly felt that people were not appreciating this fact about him, even though he was being loosely guarded by some men. I was crying and pleading with people to be more careful around him and to protect their children. I told them that he was very cunning could people with nothing more than a Q-tip! At the same time, I felt a deep sense of loyalty to him - and that we had some sort of past relationship (makes me think today of Long John Silver and Jim in Treasure Island). I didn't want anything bad to happen to him, but I didn't want anything bad to happen to other, innocent people. At one point, this man doused himself in alcohol and I knew that he intended to ignite himself. With some regret, I notified the guards who got him cleaned up. The Man smiled at me at this - as if to say, "maybe next time". Next, this Man had somehow escaped and assembled an army - they imprisoned everyone while they were securing the city against the former government. I was very distressed by this. During our confinement, we were to obey rules strictly, but this Man made a great effort to provide us with comfort (good food and wine - there were banquets) and recreation for the kids. We all had to attend a Nazi-like rally once a week where we paid our devotion to this Man and his enterprises. During this confinement, some women were talking while we were supposed to observe strict silence. I tried -verbally- to get them to be quiet because I knew that people were being put to death for rule infractions. The guards came and asked me if I had been talking. They said if I did not admit to this, they would take a new born baby that was crying. I knew that this was a death sentence, and I said yes - that it was me. I was marched out of the room and made a point not to look at my family. I was lead to a field outside where there was a rectangular pit of sand. The guards put me in this sand and began to question me. Up to this point, I felt a little afraid, but mostly sad. It seemed that I was sad for my parents and sister. I also somehow knew that I might get rescued by the Man. After a few moments, I sunk into the sand to about my torso. I realized then that I wouldn't be rescued and felt a strong pang of fear. I strongly didn't like the idea of "drowning" in coarse quicksand. (I remember thinking that other deaths would be preferable.) Immediately, I calmed myself completely by thinking - "OK, I'm going to die - so I better to pay attention to see what it's like. Next, I was back in one of the large prisoner rooms. I understood that the Man had interceded at the last moment. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was ghostly white. I had apparently been recovering for some time. I knew that my family thought I was dead, but I didn't want them to see me this way, especially my mother. So I called for my sister and she came. I told her I was fine. She then told my parents. My mother became very angry that she was not called on first and refused to see me and instead went to a funeral where she rode in a long black limousine. I was miffed at my sister, because I knew my mom would get angry that she wasn't told first. I just wanted my sister to say that I was OK, but that I looked really bad and didn't want to frighten my mom. Then it seemed that a long time passed and I was walking down this hallway. The Man approached me. I had not seen him privately or up close since the alcohol incident. He was somewhat disheveled and wore an old suit, but without the coat. He was also wearing a crumpled shirt with short sleeves. I remember thinking that wearing short sleeves is not very professional. He asked me if I would read a testimony at the day's rally. I really didn't want to, but I felt sorry for him - it was a feeling of real tenderness. He gave me a testimony about my experience of being put to death, but through his mercy, saved. I went to the auditorium and took a seat on the bleachers. I was very surprised that most of the bleachers were empty and that even the Man did not take his place in the big chair on the viewing platform with the other dignitaries. Finally, it was my turn to speak. When I got up to read the testimony, I realized that it was very difficult to read - it was full of references to pop-culture celebrities that I didn't know, and there were many misspellings. I also noticed that the testimony was old and crinkled. I told the officials that the testament was old. The 2nd in command then told me to read something newer. I then told him that the Man had given it to me personally. He then advised that I read it. During the reading, in which I fumbled with the pronunciation of these unknown celebrities and misspellings, a man jumped up from the bleachers and asked if he would be getting anymore drugs. I understood at this point that people had been given drugs to conform. He was out of these drugs and looked belligerent and crazy. The 2nd in command told him that there were no more drugs. The man then grabbed a rifle from a guard and began shooting people in the stands. Everyone ran away to avoid the onslaught and I escaped as well. The next and last thing I knew, I was looking over the city form a hill with some friends. It was very dark and very clean, and the pollution that used to cover it in a thick blanket was greatly reduced - only one third of the city had a thin layer of smog. In the background, I could see the mountains and the sunset.

Over the past year or so, I have been dealing with mid-life issues which have affected me body-mind-soul (currently I am without my voice - this has been going on for about 10 weeks - I'm a linguist, by the way)! Interestingly enough, this crisis all started after a trip to India. At first it was pretty traumatic, but now I feel very peaceful as I learn more and more about myself and life. I am actively working on learning more about the unconscious and have read a lot of Campbell over the last year, in addition to works on Oriental religion/philosophy and mythology. I really started this investigation about 6 years ago (during the dying of two close friends), mostly exploring Christianity (especially Gnosticism), Judaism, and Islam. Lately, I've been learning about Jung and analytical psychology (because of Campbell and this site). I'm still a novice at dream interpretation, but this work has been greatly rewarding to me and I would be most curious about your interpretation of my dream. Thanks for this site.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

Hi Renee

Men in dreams often represent the active doing aspect of ourselves, Males tend to convey a form of behaviour, an attitude, idea, opinion or belief, all represented in the energy of the mind, looking at your dream and the general theme of this dominant masculine attitude in self would suggest a controling form of behaviour, or a judgemnt that is doing harm to your self in some way.

Viewing the dream in a symbolic manner is there anywhere in your life where you may liken some aspect of your behaviour to the dominant male in your dream? looking at ways you may be controlling either with yourself or others, or ways you may dominate your own self expression, similar to how A news artlcle may sensor what is included within if sensitive material, so may be true in the way you sensor what it is you feel in your every day self that is, is what you give out and express of your self congruent in how you feel on the inside?

Just some avenues to explore

Good luck to you Marce

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 34 uk

Re: Getting to know evil

Thanks Marce. Based on what you wrote, here's what I'm thinking. At first, the Man is very controlling, but later in the dream, his authority laxes; indeed, at the end, he isn't even there (just his empty seat) and people are no longer bound to worship him (going to the rallies) and are no longer conforming (taking the drugs). Since I know that I've been working on controlling behavior for a while now, I think that the first part of the dream is the older animus - an animus that can control everything - life and death included. Later, he becomes the current animus, who is older, more worn, and who no longer even rules, but rather _asks_ us to do things. It's interesting that he wanted me to read my own testament - of how I died but was saved. I've been thinking a lot about service work. Also, I wonder about the angry man at the end who shoots at everyone. This seems to be just general anger, which is something else I have worked on recently. Finally, the last scene may be telling me that my inner-environment is clearing up, but I still have some work to do.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

I should say that my first thought was that the Man was my shadow, but my understanding is that shadows are generally of the same gender. The only women of which I have a clear recognition in the dream were family members and the group of women talking. In each case, however, the women were doing things I didn't want them to do. In the beginning - when I was the most upset, some young female cousins were sitting on the Man's lap - to my horror - and their mothers couldn't understand what a bad idea that was - I was begging them to make their kids get off of his lap. This was before the Man escaped. Then the group of women were talking in the confinement hall and I wanted them to stop - and obey authority; next, after my (near?)death my sister told my mother I was OK without telling her why I didn't want to see her right away - which made her angry, and finally, my mother didn't come to see me after she knew I was alive, but instead went to a funeral. (Was the funeral mine and was the newborn baby me?) Anyway, this all contrasts with the part of the dream after I encounter the Man again. The short sleeves made me think of my dad - who would never wear short sleeves with a suit (because it was not professional), until he was much older and more relaxed about his job. Upon and after seeing the Man again, I felt full of compassion and tenderness and not at all afraid. This contrast with my feeling of a vague personal connection and sense of loyalty with him earlier. Even when the angry man is shooting, I don't feel afraid. I also had a sense that the dignitaries at the rally (all men) were purely perfunctory and that there was no spirit in the old authority. Here, at the second part of the dream, there really are not any definite female characters, except that the friends at the end were probably male and female (but very vague).

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

Renee,
Hopefully I'll have time to provide some thoughts about your dream in the morning. I know Marce has already provided some excellent insights. It is a very long dream which in itself is challenging. But my interest was peeked when you spoke of your current physical condition, loss of voice, and the fact that you are a linguist. Can you give more information about the events surrounding this experience? Not as yet having analyzed your dream, I am curious if there is a relationship to this dream and your physical ailment.

I do appreciate your kind words about MDS's helping with your inner search. Knowing that you have benefited from these 'dark' pages is my reward. It started out as an expression of my journey and has become a way to express myself creatively, and by your words a benefit for others. What good a piece of art if it isn't shared? Giving is good, spiritual, and an important aspect of the hero journey.


If you like Campbell, you will naturally take to Jung. To absorb all that these two great minds have to offer will take a lot of time. As for me, I read and read and reread, and then listed to much of the same on audio books, almost all of Campbell's many books and lectures {and interviews- I have a good collection of Campbell audio books, lectures and interviews}. It sometimes takes time to realize something that is so simple. But once you 'get it', a whole new world opens up. The 'dark' inner world which shines light on the outer world. 'Secret knowledge', gnosis, it is called. And it is within everyone of us, all 6 billion souls, and so few know. It has the power to heal. The feminine power.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Re: Getting to know evil

I think the trip to india may have made ou feel vulnerable to outside institutions. Maybe you saw too much poverty, and misery.

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Re: Getting to know evil

Thanks Gerard for your inspiring words. I started out as an anthopologist, but ended up formally specializing in linguistics. I finished up my degree work about 10 years ago. Since graduate school, I've been pretty serious and probably have been suffering from a one-sided ego stance. Let me know if I go too far with the Jungian self-analysis! I know that my partner of almost 17 years encourages this "intellectual" side of absolutely discourages the more playful part of my personality. For over 6 years now I have been feeling like a huge part of me has been repressed and I have wanted to get closer to people and felt like the one-sidedness was a huge barrier. Only lately have I made this inner journey a real focus in my life (since about January). The voice loss came as quite a suprise, given that things had recently been going well (my foot was getting better). On the other hand, I have mostly really benefitted from it. It has given me a chance to know my thoughts before making an effort to communicate them. I realized how much of what I thought I wanted to say only reinforced this intellectual one-sided stance. I am now very mindful of what I really want to communicate. In general, my silence has helped me be more aware of myself, others and my environment. It has also prompted me to communicate in more heart-felt ways - like smiling, touching, hugging, etc.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

Oh, the voice loss came right after my partner got back from being away a month. Probably crucial information.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

Regarding Marce's last comment - I certainly was shocked by what I saw during my India trip. It made me know that I didn't want to travel for a long time (which I associate (among other things) with the foot injuy which happened shortly afterwards). Later, it helped me begin my exploration of Hinduism and Buddhism.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 41, Austin

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Re: Getting to know evil

Looking at your previous posts I see that you yourself have gone through, and are going through a transition where you are loosening the reins on aspects of your character. This may also be part of what the dream is depicting. I don't have the dream down yet, but this is what I am seeing.

The process of gradually loosening up is also trying to justify the suffocating of an aspect of you: I think rejecting the past environment where you had to repress the emotional and freer side of you. This is why you may have the odd effection for the oppressive and dangerous man. You may not be willing to change the past as it occured since you may not be too sorry as to how you developed and what you achieved using your intellect.

Armies suggest regimentation, restriction, obedience and order. These things came to dominate you, and eventually to suffocate you because you were a too close to your intuitive aspect. YOu are in snad up to your torso, the area of the heart and breast for a woman, and feel panicky, because the structure that was there to rgiment you was not there to save you, so you drew it up from within yourself.

"I sunk into the sand to about my torso. I realized then that I wouldn't be rescued and felt a strong pang of fear. I strongly didn't like the idea of "drowning" in coarse quicksand. (I remember thinking that other deaths would be preferable.) Immediately, I calmed myself completely by thinking - "OK, I'm going to die - so I better to pay attention to see what it's like"

After thius you almost immediately go into the segement of the dream dealing with your mom's disappointment. You see how that urges swing back and forth and try to accomodate your feelings? Now the feminine intuitive side of you is upset and you are good as dead to it.

After this rubicon is passed, the man appears seeming a little less oppressive.


I will continue it later.

YOu being a linguist will do very well with dream translating (interpretting); after all, it is but the language of the subconcious. Nietzsche was a linguist and he did a great job unraveling myths and their meaning to mankind. I think twilight of the Idols was myth laden, but am not sure.

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Re: Getting to know evil

Renee,
This man in your dream, who is dangerous yet retains your loyalty, could this be pointing to your partner? You state that he encourages your intellectual aspect and discourages your 'playful' side. The need to protect the children, perhaps a need to encourage your playful side?
This imbalance of the psyche could very well be the catalyst to your voice ailment. It began when he returned from being away for a month. In that month he was away what did you discover about yourself, or was about to discover that all of a sudden ended with his return? Jung spoke of such incidents, where a physical ailment is related to psychological imbalance.
The choice of words in your dream could point to a possible connection...imprisoned, confinement, obey rules strictly...all the while this man is also providing comfort Man made a great effort to provide us with comfort. Yet the feeling is 'a Nazi-like rally once a week where we paid our devotion to this Man and his enterprises'.

There also seems to be elements within the dream that are addressing other aspects, family aspects, instead of being 'just' personal aspects of your own psyche.
{I use the term 'just', because they could represent both, as to with the man being a masculine aspect- but on a lesser importance in understanding your dream and yourself}
Their inclusion in this manner points {at least for me} to possible experiences concerning these relatives. The anger from your Mom, is that something that is real in some past experiences? Couple this with the insistence by your partner not to 'use' your playful aspects could combine to be a negative force that is causing negative results in balancing your life. A possibility. Does it make sense?

But the dream is mostly addressing this masculine aspect. There seems to be a recovery, one that coincides with your discovery {discovery-recovery} of that inner Self {the pollution that used to cover it in a thick blanket was greatly reduced}. The positive aspect of the dream is stated in the last sentence {In the background, I could see the mountains and the sunset. That is most encouraging. But it is still in the background which suggests there is more healing ahead.

A comment about the positive affects of losing your voice. The experience, and the positive resulting aspects, from losing your voice reminds me of the seclusion of the child {usually experiencing a schizophrenia breakup} by the Shaman in the deep forest where there is no one to 'hear' his pain. Isolation, not being able to communicate in the way that is expected {the social arena}, is therapy. The child is left on his/her own to face the demons within. After a period of long isolation the child recovers and becomes a Shaman. Such is the power of isolation, introspection, the ultimate inner search.
Joseph Campbell strongly suggested that we all find that place of isolation. It is a requirement of the hero in his/her adventure. Losing your voice may be your way of advancing your search. Your isolation would correspond to that of the child-to-be-Shaman. Your shamanism may start out as being self discovery, but could lead to even greater insights that benefit others, The Ultimate Boon.

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man”.

Could your loss of voice be that isolation that is needed to discovery that inner hero? And the relationship with your partner. Does that play into your loss of voice also? These two events could very well be SYNCHRONICITY.
I leave it to you to put the possibilities together and ponder the results. I may be 'off' in some of my conclusions but if you look to related possibilities a spark of recognition may come forward and you realize something more about yourself. I look forward to your response.

Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 57 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Re: Getting to know evil

Thanks Carlos and Gerard for your further interpretations! This has given me a lot to think about, but I want to respond before I mull it over too much! First, I would like to address Carlos's comments and questions that struck me.

(1) This is why you may have the odd affection for the oppressive and dangerous man. You may not be willing to change the past as it occurred since you may not be too sorry as to how you developed and what you achieved using your intellect.

I believe this is true and helps explain the thoughts that I am now aware of and choosing not to communicate - thoughts that reinforce the intellectual one-sided stance.

(2) After thus you almost immediately go into the segment of the dream dealing with your mom's disappointment. You see how that urges swing back and forth and try to accommodate your feelings? Now the feminine intuitive side of you is upset and you are good as dead to it.

This is interesting and I had to re-read it several times. My relationship with my mother has been in the forefront of my consciousness for a while now. I had been (and maybe still am) angry with my mom for a very long time. I only began to realize that I was angry about a year ago. I had suppressed this anger, although I would manifest it in mean, spiteful ways - usually with my education. The anger goes back to my mom not being there during my childhood due to her drinking. More about my mother when I respond to Gerard's comments.

Now Gerard:

(3) In that month he was away what did you discover about yourself, or was about to discover that all of a sudden ended with his return?

Independence ended with her return. She left while I was recovering from my foot injury and a real mental-physical-spiritual breakdown in late January. At this time in late January, I went to get some bodywork done to help my foot; when the therapist touched my foot, I wave of panic washed over me. From that point on for about a month, I was riddled with severe anxiety and depression. I couldn't eat or sleep for a long while, lost a lot of weight, suffered from other forms of neuropathy, and was hallucinating (where I would see demons). Also, my partner could NOT handle this and maintain her own health (due to care-taker issues of her own) and left me to struggle this out by myself. I also had already decided (with the help of my therapist and my partner) that I could not engage my parents and sister with my health concerns because they tended to _over_ care-take (compensatory for my mom for her absence and something my sister and I both learned from our mother). So, I had to heal myself and went so far as to cut off my parents and sister (would not see or talk to them and would not read or listen to any correspondence from them. I learned later that this made my sister and mother very angry and prompted my mother to engage in old drinking patterns). Thus, I was mostly alone for the month of February and was terrified for a good part of it. I even moved into my office, which is in a separate building next to our house, for that month, but did not / could not work - I took a leave of absence. It was during this time that I started taking responsibility for my own healing. I started cooking for myself and committed myself fully to a spiritual program. Now I saw my partner's leave in April as an opportunity to really take care of myself and our home without any "crutches". And I did. I feared that when she came back, I would not be able to (find my voice…to) stand up for myself and my needs as my partner is very confident and strong-willed - and we have almost 17 years of patterning to reconfigure.

(4) The anger from your Mom, is that something that is real in some past experiences? Couple this with the insistence by your partner not to 'use' your playful aspects could combine to be a negative force that is causing negative results in balancing your life.

I grew up to be very serious and somewhat introverted (which took its form with me going into research where I do spend most of my day alone). My partner was attracted to this side of me and met me when I had just started grad school and was obviously studying a lot. But I did then and do find pure joy being playful - but it was something that I learned to hide from my partner and her disapproval. And I have definitely projected the mother archetype on my partner. No question about this. And in the past, when she failed to behave the way a mother should, I would get very angry with her (which I repressed and turned into a superficial superiority same as with my mother). And my partner would get angry with me for having mother expectations - like taking care of me when I was sick (actually babying me like my mother and sister would do), cooking for me, cleaning, etc. Only now am I being disciplined about getting out and seeing my friends with whom I share playfulness and real abandon. I am also being disciplined about my responsibilities to my partner and my household (cooking, cleaning, etc.) and myself. I say "disciplined" because I am having to learn to re-program myself in all of this. But, I am also learning to enjoy this playfulness and to engage in my spiritual pursuits (which I really thoroughly enjoy and find do address my needs) even in front of my partner who now understands that this is part of my recovery from my depression, but does not necessarily understand why.

(5) A comment about the positive affects of losing your voice. The experience, and the positive resulting aspects, from losing your voice reminds me of the seclusion of the child {usually experiencing a schizophrenia breakup} by the Shaman in the deep forest where there is no one to 'hear' his pain. Isolation, not being able to communicate in the way that is expected {the social arena}, is therapy. The child is left on his/her own to face the demons within. After a period of long isolation the child recovers and becomes a Shaman. Such is the power of isolation, introspection, the ultimate inner search.

Could your loss of voice be that isolation that is needed to discovery that inner hero? And the relationship with your partner. Does that play into your loss of voice also? These two events could very well be SYNCHRONICITY.

I do see the loss of voice as related to this - an extension of the physical isolation in February. Not being able to speak to my partner has not robbed me of my inner-voice as I may have expected - instead, it has enhanced it. I am able to really communicate my needs to my partner in silence. This sometimes angers her because she can not argue with me - talk me out of what I want to do. Because I am thinking about what I want to communicate, I am becoming aware of when I am sabotaging my needs to conform to her needs. At the same time, I am learning to listen to my partner's needs and realize that she has her own journey to make - that I can't heal her - but that I can listen, and, instead of getting angry and copping a superior attitude, I can be compassionate and let her know that I am there for her. This attitude of listening in silence and letting my partner find her own path is extending to my other relationships. I feel truly blessed by this and see how it is part of my spiritual development. I suspect my voice will return when I have really incorporated this lesson into my life.

Thanks so much for both of your feedback -

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