I am at game show. Pat Sajak is the host. We’re sitting at a round table. Besides myself and Pat Sajak, there are a few other younger men. It’s a game of knowledge/trivia being played. I’m not playing, but sitting there as an observer. Two of the young men are twins, dark skinned, educated, handsome and appearing well-dressed. One of them has already moved off stage, having lost a previous round of the game. I realize there is a large audience before us and the program is being televised. I feel the camera on me. Now, the second twin is leaving, as Pat Sajak comments on their twin-ness (sameness) and wishes him well. Suddenly, my former spouse appears on stage. He has an angry and accusing demeanor (is enraged) and is demanding I take my things and leave the house. I tell him that if there is something personal he would like to address with me, we can do it privately. I begin to move off stage, as the memory (and feelings) of the actual real life experience of the break up of my former spouse and I begins to play in my mind/body.

My comments: Yesterday, I was with concern to understand my feelings toward a man in my life, quite sure (aware) that I was projecting my past experiences onto him. We’re attracted to one another, yet I am experiencing a general distrust and fear of becoming intimately involved. So, I’m seeing the game show display as a demonstration of what is playing out in my psyche. Pat Sajak (from what I have seen of him) is a man who I regard as having an even temperament and good interpersonal skills. I'd say he has managed the many personalities he’s met (in the game show industry) with an element of good will toward all. I would like to manage my interpersonal affairs in the same fashion. I think the dream is telling me that the feeling of distrust I am experiencing toward this man has to do with my feelings of distrust born in my earlier experience with my former spouse – that I am seeing a sameness in (projecting my past experiences onto) this current man. At the end of the dream, I am feeling hurt – betrayed and angry.

I welcome others’ input.

Embrace

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Hi Embrace

I had a similar dream some time ago, that reminds me of yours, not so much in the content as rather in the possible context.

Dream boards and discussion boards of this nature are or can be incredibly intense places where we process a lot of information. Others involved in the discussion become part of our mirror as does the discussion board itself.

There is no end to the types of dreams I find i'm attracted to want to understand and help another person understand, they seem to have a common thread, which changes once ive learnt a particular lesson. In addition I find much healing through walking in anothers dream as the laws of nature dictate that we attract into our lives exactly what is right for us at any given moment.

I mention ones participation within this discussion board for the reason that how we relate on an inner level with elements and aspects of our own psyche we relate outwardly to those same perceived aspects we 'see' in others.

Your element of good will to all seems to shine through in your interpersonal skills which you bring to this board, and I assume to your life and social interactions, This comes from you being the 'observer' of your own inner dynamics. Tables often indicate daily activities, and can sometimes point to things your contemplating, or negotiating your way through at the present time, its round shape suggests ideas of wholeness, completeness and integration of conscious and unconscious.

This game your 'Ego' is not participating in however there is within your masculine energies a playing with the notion of knowledge and trivia which is being used to 'win' and are most likely energies you draw on to to communicate in relation to a level of knowledge about matters, with this in mind I'm wandering here if you have been involved in a minor dispute or power struggle that has been cause for you to exercise this knowledge in a way? What ever the outcome it led to a withdrawl of this 'well dressed' behaviour and out of know where you find yourself enraged.

It is likely that your spouse (as well as bringing painful memories to the surface which is also an energy dynamic that is still bound in some way to your spouse/masculine shadow behaviour), at the deepest level is representing your own rage, the need to be in control 'demanding you leave the house' and no longer to engage in 'games' of power struggle or competition in a well dressed manner. As this energy dynamic surfaces in your self you want to work this out in private rather than let it show through your interactions with others, ie in your wording or communication.

Even though it may be easier for your ego to address this dynamic more easily when observed within your spouse, by recognising this energy that your still bound to in some way in self will enable you to release this. The painful feelings of this break up exist on an inner level as well ie what happens on an outer level is just a reflection of what is happening within, if we break up or disengage from some external energy that is of a non nourishing source then it is likely the same internal dynamic is playing out on an inner level wherby you are disengaging from some form of behaviour that is your own, how we choose to disengage is of our own making and growth, fully releasing this form of behaviour ensures that we no bring to light that which is shadow and we no longer choose to act out of this form of behaviour. If it gets repressed within the psyche then it is likely to emerge it is still apart of our being and through its natural cycle will continue to attract those people and situations which will reflect it as it vies for life.

Just some more ideas to ponder.
Best to you Marce

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Marce: I've not more time to respond, now, but "thank you." This is helpful. I'll come back to it later today, or tomorrow.

Embrace

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Hi Embrace I just wanted to add an after thought that ties your dream up. It is by no means a coincidence that you have recently met this man and are experiencing feelings of distrust, However what your dream brings forth is the intricacies that lie at the ROOT of your distrust which is actually born of your 'relationship' with your own form of masculine behaviour. Your dream suggests that in actuality you distrust the masculine within you, you do not trust in 'you', this particular root aspect, for it is invasive and demanding of your space. In addition there is likely fear around this tension that you hold within for we usually keep at bay any certain tension that we fear or to put it another way we keep at bay the potential for creating tension hence your need to want to work this out privately. By bringing your awareness to this dynamic within self and releasing it with love it will lead you into releasing the distrust you have with in your 'relationships'.

Your relationship with your spouse was likely an external reflection of this internal dynamic which you attracted into your life to help you 'see' what was happening within your 'within' and reinforced the patterns that would of been set up through your accumulated experiences during your early life.

Just some more avenues to ponder..

Best Marce

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Again, Marce, thank you for what you have said. I recognize, and feel, the truth of it. It is something I'm needing to spend some time with. On one level, I've known this (truly) - yet on another, it's been hard to see/accept ... that this is me, too. But the time is ripe for more healing. Can it be any wonder why so much love has been moving in my life as of late...

Best,
Embrace

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Hi, Marce:

I agree that discussion boards such as this can be helpful, therapeutic avenues for processing one’s inner/outer world. I value my participation here. Already, it has been very helpful, for me, and I thank those of you who have taken the time and interest to share/assist my journey.

A fundamental truth isn’t it, once we learn to see it – that the universe is always presenting exactly that which is needed for our growth/healing.

I think your analysis of the dream is “right on.”

I would prefer to not participate in games of power and struggle, in a well dressed manner, or not. Yet, this has and does play out.

Yes, it is not mistake that this man presents in my life at this time. And I do agree that my husband was a reflection of internal dynamics that were catalyzed in my early life – as well as is this man. For the truth is, relationship with this current man would also be non-nourishing. So, why on one level would I want to see “the potential” in this man verses where he is really at. I have compassion for him, a sentiment to want to help him. Who do I truly want to help/heal? Me.

There was in fact a drama playing out the day of (before) this dream. Beneath was a feeling of rage, that I did keep well dressed, using my knowledge of protocols for good interpersonal relations. But that “good dress” did sort of go out the window the next day, when the rage made itself more apparent. It did have to do with feelings elicited in my interaction with this man, which I know pointed to earlier events in my life – my former spouse, and my father.

A part of me looks and says/asks, “Goodness, how can I have the same form of masculine behavior inside of myself!?! When I know first hand how much hurt it created in my life, starting with my father?” Yet, I did inherit this psychic disposition from him. How could I be like the one man I so hated for what he did to me? A humbling thing to see and accept.

You’re right; the distrust is actually of my own self, my masculine relating, as learned.

You said: “In addition there is likely fear around this tension that you hold within for we usually keep at bay any certain tension that we fear or to put it another way we keep at bay the potential for creating tension hence your need to want to work this out privately.” I think I know what you are saying, but would you expound on this some more, give a hypothetical example or two? There’s something I am not quite seeing – and I feel I need to.

Many thanks,
Embrace

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I had a dream around all of this last night. I'll post it later today.

Embrace

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