OK, Forum! Are you ready to help me with another "Anthony" dream?

I dream my friend Gab and I go to mass at Anthony's church. We are seated about 2/3rd's back on the right side of the church. It's not full--maybe 100 people in a church that holds 2000. I'm not certain he sees me or knows I'm there. We stand up during the consecration but before Anthony comes forward to do it (he's standing to the left of the altar, near the pulpit), another man steps forward to talk about some books and other things that are for sale. I realize at one point I'm the only one left standing, so I take a seat to listen. I don't know who this man is.

The next thing I know, I'm standing in my kitchen eating cream of wheat with blueberries. It's the next day. I'm suddenly desperate to remember what happened because I have no idea what happened after that moment of sitting down. I don't remember the rest of the mass, leaving, coming home. Did I talk to Anthony? Did we reconcile? I remember nothing between that moment of sitting and this one of eating breakfast.

Then ensues a rather long, hectic scene. I'm on vacation with my husband, mother, Gab, her spouse and son and some other people in a small, quaint town that is hilly. I have trouble finding my hotel, I make a bus driver mad at me for taking him out of his way to look for it, but I know the hotel is downhill in this town. In this section of the dream, I keep looking for my phone so I can call Gab and ask her what happened. Sometimes I find the phone, then I promptly misplace it. The phone, which is actually red, in the dream is blue.

A little background: Gab is very aware and upset by the argument and Anthony's silence since then. There is to be a special event at his church this May. She emailed me yesterday because wants me to come with her to the event, and thinks I should. I am ambivalent.

Thanks for helping me sort all this through! As usual, I'm stuck! Blueberries?

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Hi Rose

Various streams of energy and currents of thought and belief within our psyche are represented by characters with our dreams, sometimes we get caught up in the context of the relationships in our external life because that is what holds our focus so when we dream of these same characters within our dream again its easy to get caught up in the relationship and miss seeing the finer details of what the dream is attempting to impart.

I get the sense that the church and Anthony are reflections of a particular stream of thinking and belief within your own personal energies, which conflict with who you are. There is a caertain rejection within self at the level of your beliefs for what you are attuning to, that is you your spirit/soul.

Within the Christian tradition the pontifact was known as the bridge between heaven and earth, it was through such a medium that a person found God, this is what empowered the pontifact but at the same time disempowered the person who put his/her beliefs in the power of the pontifact for it meant at an unconscious level that they felt they could not find God without the aid of a priest, Its a little bit like how we place our health within the hands of a doctor and giving our power away through the belief that we do not have the power to heal our selves.

As you take back your power by attuning to your own god/Goddess within and realise your spiritual gifts you are actually in doing so meeting your own internal resistance, that part of you that still has the belief 'Antony' of God being an externalised authority that wields power.

So the ostracisation is firstly happening within your own personal energies and this then reflects into what you are attraccting into your life, your reality.

Anthony is likely reacting out of the unconscious premise which is governed by fear ie if God truly exists within and that all have the ability to connect within then the old way of thinking/belief no longer has any power, ie this masculine energetic and life stream will come to an end. Everything vies for survival including our beliefs and feelings all is energy and will dtay a part of the collective for as long as we feed it, this is what i sense seems to be at the crux of your situation.

Kitchens often indicates a way of preparing for nurturing or a new life direction that will 'feed' you in a nourishing manner, blueberries are healing foods that at a physical level contain the antioxidants necessary to scavenge free radicals and at a symbolic level the healing of patterns of belief that do not serve you any longer and get in the way of properly nourishing and expressing yourself.

The memory gap or inability to remember what happened indicates that there is still some unconsciousness around this transition that has take place within you
and a lack of understanding about the whys of what has happened in your relationship with Anthony.

Just some ideas to ponder on

Good luck to you Marce

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Hi Rose,

What can you tell me about Gab? How would you describe her to me? What things stand out about her? And then how different is she to yourself? Do you see Gab ona regular basis in real life?

Stephen

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Hi Stephen,

Gab is a good friend of mine. We saw each other a little more frequently before she moved out of state. We do stay in touch. She is very feisty, opinionated, boisterous, loud, extraverted, self-confident. She actually played a pretty significant part in the argument I had with Anthony, in that she helped me to clarify some questions that I felt needed to be asked regarding his position on reiki and my presence at his church, which I then voiced to him in a letter. I wouldn't say I lacked self-confidence, and I do have strong opinions. But I am more of a quiet introvert and less likely to push my opinion on others. She has a quick temper, and doesn't easily lose her voice, or the courage of her convictions. I think I did lose my voice and courage with Anthony, and I did rely on her to give me some courage where I lacked it.

I also wanted to mention (since books come up in the dream) Anthony has written and published a book, quite popular in Catholic circles. Also, as I reflected a bit on the dream, I realized the whole desire to "remember" may for me have something to do with the way I understand receiving communion. It is a shamanic act of "re-membering" myself, my wholeness, "re-membering" Christ as my wholeness, and "re-membering" myself as part of the larger body of Christ. And the more I thought about the bowl of cream of wheat, the more I thought it might resemble the Eucharist. With blueberries!

I look forward to your feedback, Stephen!

Blessings,
Rose

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Hi Rose,

Here is what I have to communicate to you so far.

You are right about re-membering. but the question is remember what?

The hint is in your dream. The liquid wheat and blueberries and your personal association with the Eucharist (or Holy Communion, Last Supper - I had to look it up). What is the difference between liquid wheat and bread AND blueberries and Wine? To turn liquid wheat to bread you need HEAT and to turn berries to wine you STAMP. What are you being called to rememebr? The parts of yourself that are being reflected by Gab, just like standing in front of a mirror and seeing Gab there. It is a part of yourself that you don't need to be dominant, but there are times in your life when you need to call this aspect of yourself. I don't think it is really about introversion and extraversion, but rather passive and accertive. What I think the dream is commenting on is the lack of HEAT and STOMPING with your situation with FR. Anthony, which is really reminiscent of your real father. Having the ability to voice your opinion in an assertive manner. Basically, FINDING YOUR VOICE. And this is the link with the religious tone of the dream. You don't voice your opinion due to a fear of persecution - being crucified, just like how Jesus ended up.

Rose, you are an individual and entitled to have your opinion. Whether or not somebody else agrees with your opinion is beside the point. The measure of a person is how they treat you due to your difference. If they embrace you because of your difference, or if they create conflict. It's quite hypocritical for people who practice religion, by loving everyone, to create conflict over difference.

And this is the big issue of individuation. The inner need for a human to become an individual. Differences with the staus quo.

Thank you for this dream Rose. it has meaning for me as well.

I need to wait a while for the communication on the second scene on your dream.

Stephen

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Now for the second scene. Think of how a bus operates in society. It has a set path as defined by the operators and the government, basically society. What you are doing in the dream is getting the bus driver to depart from this predetermined path. Namely the values that society place on you are getting angry at your change of course.

One thing I forgot to mention in my last post, was the link with remembering to the last supper. Jesus said that the bread and wine is to help them remember him.

I thinik what is hapening with the "father" is that you are discovering that it is almost impossible for humans to live up to the expecations of the "father imago". Just like your real father didn't meet these expectations and how Fr Anthony has not been able to live up to them. And really they can't be expected to. But in a way these events in your life have been the antecedents to you becoming who you are suppose to be. Wintout them, you would just continue to stroll through life the way you always have.

Another thing I forgot to tell you about is that with reiki, the recipient has to ask for it. If the person is unaware of it being sent, then the energy just gets returned to the Earth.

Stephen

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One last thing Rose. Another thread in the Wicked story is about how Elphaba is different to everyone else and how hard it is for her to fit in. After all she is green. That means she stands out. And just as Kermit the Frog sings - it isn't easy being green.
Stephen

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Hi, Rose:

I want to thank you (too, for your dream) and Stephen as well (for his amplification). For, there is more than one thing reflected here that I am also working on within myself. The one in the forefront IS that of continuing to FIND and EXPRESS my voice. I went back to your thread of Storing the Bicycle to read again your comments about your father being a violent man and creating fear in your childhood. Together, with this dream, it's stirred much compassion in me, inclusive of my self...

This is not an attempt at interpretation by me (I think Stephen and Marce, together, gave great input), but more a personal sharing from me, given the parallels I am seeing in your story with my own. But I did want to take the opportunity to note the difference I am seeing in Stephen and Marce's interpretation style: being that Marce is able to read the stream of energy/dynamics at play, while Stephen (who also does this), provides the allegory/story that makes better sense of understanding the underlying stream of energy/events easier. From me, thanks, guys!

As a child, I was not allowed to have a voice of my own. It was a home where children were to be seen and not heard. To ever talk back to my fahter, if we dared, was sure to be met with a heavy hand. There came to be a painful element of non-being in me and my brothers and sisters. I never really learned to trust my own self (my own voice) because having or being a "me," let alone a voice, wasn't afforded to me, as a child. I was very resilient and I went on to cope with a highly functioning persona. And I had a most successful career, given I went on to approval seeking (the approval I did not get as a child) via my accomplishments and achievements in the Army. But (beneath it all), I never quite REALLY believed in my own self, or even felt that I had the right believe in my own self. I identified with Jesus (the Christ principle - Love, Truth, Wholeness, Beingness, etal.) at an early age (my belief in him [as opposed to my self/Self] was kind of my mainstay and saving grace through so many difficult years) and sort of "raised myself" as a "Christian," as best as I could, in accord with how I then understood/thought it should be. I later found the faults in some of my spiritual thinking - which was inherent in much of the teaching I was exposed to. Because my father was a man bent on power, when I started healing several years ago (subsequent to a spontaneous kundalini awakening) and dearly needed a God to call on, I found the archetype of the Abrahmic God of the Old Testament (and all the laws that go with it) was highly charged in me. And it took me some good time to gain the courage to trust/know that I would not be persecuted or struck dead when hollering and (literally, in my case, sometimes) stomping out my anger at God. Later, the object became my actual father. During the years since, I searched out other paths of spiritual thought/practice - only to return to my childhood roots - though I, like you, can also be called very liberal. This is something (spiritual paths) I was recently discussing with a very dear friend, and she reminded me of Jesus' words that "there are many mansions in his father's house..." but I digress. I remember well the dream that led me back. Not surpisingly, it came just before an Easter day and featured my return to "my" father.

I like what Stephen said about how the values/rules of your life are getting angry at you for taking a different course. I relate to that from my own experience - and see it as my path of individuality (Individuation) having been in conflict with my inherited belief systems (the societal machine of conditioning). It sure can be a bugger of a time,for us all, where we feel like we have a monkey on our back (so to speak) that we have to shake loose from a time or two, can't it? This thread helps me to see that I have more "belief shedding" to do!

Who cares about Father Anthony's (or anyone's approval or diapproval) of your practicitng reiki!?! How do I say this? I don't go anymore where I am not welcome! It's lonley for a time, as we break away from the associations that no longer support or encourage the wholeness we are growing into, but it is a step I must take, away from the flock (so to speak) to find the one life I can call my own...

One of the things I love about the Catholic church is that they adore the Lady - and She has been of very crucial importance in my journey, but what does it say when the Catholic Church still does not allow women to be priest/ess or Bishop? It's a collective wound I have felt deep inside of me...

From one green lady to another, again, "thank you," Rose. There is much in all this that is helpful for me.

Embrace

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Hi, Rose:

I just wanted to come back and share... that since posting here earlier, I have realized, with real-eyes, how much more work I have to do around the issues with my father - and how I too have been misplacing my anger, which belongs with him.

Best,
Embrace

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Dear Stephen,

I am at the library accessing the internet as the gods of fate have not been smiling on my home office connections of late! But it's given me time to mull over your replies. One, I love the "blue" berry insight. Yes, it is so true that anger left to die on the vine will wither into sadness! And I get your point about stomping blueberries into wine. Enlightening!

I also appreciated what you had to say about the bus. That rang very true. When Anthony and I had this argument, I would say indeed I was insisting he chart a route that would make it safe for me to have a place (my "hotel" room being my "heavenly mansion" in "my Father's house"--the church)by putting the naysayers in their place. And this did make him angry. He didn't want to go in that direction. Enlightening again!

As for sending reiki to non-consenting parties. I've been teaching reiki for ten years now, and it's not been my experience or training that reiki cannot be sent to non-consenting parties. The benefits may always be more well received when consent can be given because of the opportunity for conscious interaction. But reiki can be sent to non-consenting parties, such as babies, animals, the unconscious, the dying, places and things with very positive results. The consent, in those cases, takes place at the level of the highest self/deepest wisdom, and what can be received will be received. The rest will simply do good elsewhere.

Having said all that, Anthony does know I send him reiki.

Blessings, Rose

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Dear Green Lady,

Thank you for your openness, and I am glad my dreams are helping you as well. I appreciate what you have to say about the voice...and in fact, if I can mention a dream within a dream, so to speak...I recently had a dream about my voice. My voice is adequate...on key, a sort of rusty soprano. I play recorder and sing in my church's choir. In this dream, I was playing recorder and realized it had a rich vibrato. I was so surprised I stopped playing and tried singing to see what would happen. My voice had the same rich vibrato! It was a very heartening and healing dream!

Blessings,
the Green Rose of Chicago

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Hi, Rose:

It does sound like a beautiful healing dream! There are those that say the energy of our being is as a musical note. I do believe this/know this. I've had transcendent experiences feeling myself as this. It is perhaps not appropriate to say transcendent, as they were very embodied experiences. Wonderful and ecstatic as the moments are when they come, I am still human - and still seeking the authentic voice/expression of my being. It was more this to which I referred, than just the "sound" of my voice. I like mine, too

Best,
Embrace

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