I dream Anthony and I are getting ready to go to bed. The room is dark and I’m already lying down on my right side. He’s talking as he’s climbing into bed about the many different people who dream about him. He says, “For example, you know Suzy (I’m not certain that was the name)?” I say no. “She’s my old girlfriend and she dreams about me every night between the kitchen and the bathroom at 9pm!” He has genuine distress in his voice. It seems overwhelming to him. At this point he is lying in bed facing me and has taken my right hand in his, lacing our fingers together. His head is so close to mine our foreheads/third eyes are almost touching. I say with real feeling, “You know, Anthony, when I told you about my dreams I did it only to spark conversation between us. I never meant to upset you. I am truly sorry.” But I realize I haven’t even finished speaking before he is already sound asleep. I think I could go on talking, knowing in those early stages of sleep he would hear me, but decide against it, knowing how tired he is and how much he needs his rest. Also, because of our vows (his priestly and mine marital), I gently disengage our fingers, and this grieves me deeply. For some reason, it doesn’t bother me we’re in bed together, but there is something about the intimate intertwining of fingers that seems a violation of our vows.

Next, I “wake up” in the dream and am driving to work. I say to myself, “That is the most refreshing sleep I’ve had in a long time!”

A few helpful notes: at one point--around the 78-80 dream, I told both my husband and Anthony about the sheer volume of dreams I was having about Anthony. Maybe it wasn't my smartest move
as I could tell by the look on Anthony's face he thought John was going to show up with a shotgun! On the other hand, although it was a little unsettling for John, he said he trusted me and was not deeply concerned of any impropriety. Way to go, John. This is the 178th dream I am reporting here. Atsalotta dreams.

Also, regarding the sleep...I have chronic back pain which worsens at times and it so happens this is one of those times. Yesterday I saw my chiro and indeed did have a better nights sleep than I did in a long time!

Gerard, as you can see, I am having fun with smileys. I thank you for your wonderful labor of love here. You and Stephen both have helped me a great deal!

Blessings,
Rose

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Hi Rose,

Talk to any Jungian Analyst and they will tell you that dreams are very private and personal as they are comments from the deepest recesses of your psyche. Sharing a dream is a very "intimate" thing to do, becuase you are telling people about the real you, apart from the persona, ego etc. And this is what the dream may be commenting upon.

I don't want to assume here, when did you tell Fr. Anthony about the number of dreams you had involving him, in relation to the situation where you were cast out from his parich?

Also, if I were you I would consider the somatic response of your back pain. If the unconscious was trying to tell you something by creating pain in your back, what do you think that message would be?

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

I felt I needed to explain the back pain issue.

About 4 weeks ago I bought a new wok and the instructions said that the wok needed to be seasoned by heating oil in it, letting it cool, cleaning it out and then repeating the process another 2 times. My wife said she would do this outside. Now as background information we have a dog that likes walking around our feet and my wife was in the middle of organizing an overseas trip for her and her father. Even though it was a trip for my wife, she was turning it into a trip for her father. Being more concerned with his needs and forgoing her own.

Anyway, my wife started heating the oil in the wok and I hear a loud metallic bang and a scream. My wife rushes into the kitchen and puts her left hand in water. She asks me to clean up the mess outside. After an hour her hand is not improving and we go to the emergency room at the local hospital.

We are there for over an hour while they tend to her burn and it is quite excutiating. While we are sitting there with her hand in more water I start to ask some questions. Initially, she blamed the dog. She was worrying about where the dog was in relation to her and the hot oil. Then my wife blamed herself for being stupid. Then I asked her what she was thinking at the time she was seasoning the wok. Then she realized that she was thinking about how can she make the overseas trip with her father more suited to him so that he enjoys himself. There's a history of approval/disapproval between the two of them. Then my wife realized that psyche was interrupting her thought processes. From then on when she did planning for the trip, if she found herself thinking about her father's needs over her own, she just looked at her hand and stopped herself from repeating the same mistake. Now it is four weeks on from this incident and the trip is basically all planned out and do you know that there is no evidence of a burn on her hand. Now this oil was hot and it fully covered four of her fingers. But now you wouldn't known that it had happened. Psyche and matter are connected. But why didn't it leave a scar? The oil was as hot as it could be and the hospital staff were telling my wife that these burns are the most terrible as they basically cook the layers of the skin. The prognosis was not good. But then thinking about the process of what my wife had to do to tend to her wounds was to pay more attention to herself.

I asked my wife for her ok to pass on this annecdote.

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Hi Stephen,

Well, to answer your first question: I told Anthony about the dreams about 18-24 months ago.

As for the back...this issue began when my mother moved near here and I was suddenly forced into a caretaker role with a woman who is alcoholic (in recovery now), narcissistic and bipolar. To say the least, she is exhausting. I have a very supportive husband, but by and large it takes a LOT of support to cope with an aging parent with all these issues. And, there has been very good reasons why I should keep secrets from her about my personal life so that she does not use them against me. And, lastly, she has been very jealous of my career.

So, in short, I have often felt the "voice" in my back has been crying about the inadequate support in my life, and has been "helping" me "hold back" information so I don't get wounded, and has been "held back" by her jealous interference in my life.

I don't know if there are other layers related to my relationship with Anthony, though. Hmmm...well, now that I think of it. A friend just sent me today the definition of the word "sub rosa." It's something designed to be secret, confidential, private. When I read it, it immediately reminded me of how protective I've been of my feelings for him, my dreams about him, my relationship with him, and that I've never felt I could talk openly with anyone at anytime in the last three years about what has gone on between us, however subtle.

Blessings,
Rose

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Ok Rose, you are getting into some quite heavy subject matter here and I need you to tell me if you are ok with proceeding, irrespective of what you will find out about yourself. My gut feeling is that it is going to hurt, so I guess I am giving you the opportunity to pull out.

If you know the connections to your "back" issues, then why is your back still in pain? To me, I would think that something has not become conscious yet.

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

I'm game.

As for the back still being in pain, I'll reserve judgment on that for the time being. I have had several injuries--a yoga injury, car accident and falling down a short flight of stairs over the years. So you might call it a weak link where my stress goes. I definitely think it will improve as these issues resolve.

Blessings,
Rose

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Stephen,

I kinda thought you were going to say something else. Did you have some other thougths?

Blessings,
Rose

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Hi Rose,
Psyche is truly an amazing thing. Here is what happened.

When you replied to my post of getting your ok to continue I onlt saw the bit about your back injury. I never saw the "I'm game". My perception was that you didn't want to continue, or you weren't ready to continue, but what was really happening was that I wasn't ready. I don't know how to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you.

Today, I read you post about whether I had something else to say and I was confused, because of my perception of your previous post. I re-read your post and saw the first two words for the first time. Oh my goodness - you want to continue and I freaked out. How do I tell you where the dream and your posts were taking me? Then whithin 15 seconds a segment of the Oprah show started. It was Demi Moore talking about the relationship she had with her mother, who was undiagnosed with bipolar disorder. There are some snippets of the conversation with Demi here, but if you can I think it would be well worth your while to get a transcript of Demi's segment.

Here are a few of the things I wrote down as I watched the show.

"I ended up mothering the mother"
"What I found out that was important was accepting my mother for who she is, not for who I wanted her to be"
"I discovered that guilt I was having was that I couldn't find a way to help my mother"
"I needed a different level of loving her"
"when my mother was 'present' she was really 'present'"
"My mothers behaviors were causing her to sabotage herself and others around her. I had to separate from her as a protection for my own family"
"I had to stop placing expectations on her"
"There were things about my mothers behavior that weren't okay"
"I am now passed forgiving and now of Being"
"When my mother died I realized her behaviors were hers and I also realized my anger was mine. When she died I didn't have anyone to put it onto and I realized it was all me. Then for the first time I was responsibile for my own actions"

The issue with your dreams about Fr Anthony, is that you haven't figured out what that personification symbolizes within you. Telling Fr Anthony that you have experienced dreams about him puts a literal interpretation on the symbol. The fantasy that went through my head was that if someone came up to me and told me about all the dreams they were having about the two of us, and I didn't have the capablilty to understand dreams, it would freak me out and I would want to distance myself from that person. It sort of gells that if this is what Fr Anthony was thinking, wouldn't it be logical that he would instigate a way for a separation to occur (reiki issue).

Let's forget about your dream relationship with Fr Anthony and have a look at the archetype of the Priest.

Defined by ritual of ordination, the official capacity to facilitate spiritual vowes - commitments to divine authority.

Serves as spiritual channel of Divine energy for others.

Must represent the teachings through personal example.

Shadow Priest manifests as the inability to ive according to one's own teachings, especially in lapses of personal morality, or using ordained authority to control people for personal gain. Violates the trust of your spirtual community. Seduced by your own spiritual role.

Look for a lifetime commitment to serving others by facilitating their spiritual rituals.

When I think of a priest the word that comes to my own mind is "compassion and serving". So it's not hard to see the pattern between this and the real life situation with your mother. All your past thoughts about your mother maybe distorting the potentiality for a different type of relationship with your mother. It may be this compassion/serving from the eyes of a priest that is the symbol of the dream, which also involves a sense of "letting go". A letting go of the relationship that is [with your mother].

So there it is Rose. It may be right and it may be wrong. only you will know.

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Dear Stephen,

Thanks for your thoughts, and for your concern for my feelings. Actually I agree with most of what you say, and have thought most of it myself. I think a difference is my belief that the dreams suggest a point of connection between myself and Anthony that transcends him only as a dream symbol. In that respect, I am not wholly Jungian.

I hadn't thought of making a connection between Anthony and my mother, but it makes sense that I would entangle griefs--the grief of losing him with the anticipatory grief around losing my mother.

Blessings,
Rose

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Hi Rose,
Something that came to me last night was that if your with the "father" you must be the "mother". And hence why the connection between Fr Anthony and your real mum.

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Hmmmm....is it a given I must be the mother? BTW, are you from England? I ask because of the "mum."

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 51 Chicago

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

Australia.

Stephen

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 49 Sydney Australia

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes