A little background first: I grew up attending church irregularly. When I did, with my family, it was usually Episcopal. I went through confirmation as an adolescent, though my belief was pretty short-lived.
I've been practicing Buddhism (also somewhat irregularly) for the past 10 years or so. I had some experience with Santeria on a trip to Cuba 7 years ago. Recently, while meditating, I had a very strong "vision" of myself with a "sacred heart" - the exposed heart symbol used in Catholicism. Lately I have been meditating more frequently and have a couple of close friendships with spirituality and personal growth as commonalities, (one with a man I would like to be closer to). Besides using spiritual practice for it's own sake, I am using it as a tool to get closer to people.

In my dream I was in church. (It was a fairly formal feeling church like those of my childhood.) There was a woman minister dressed in a white robe with gold trim. The church was not full - people scattered sitting in small groups. I think I was by myself. The minister gave communion. She had bottles of very good red wine and instead of communion wafers, was breaking pieces of excellent dark chocolate.

All of the people who were receiving communion had already gone up to the front of the church. All of a sudden I felt inspired to take communion and hurried to the front of the church. I think maybe the minister was just leaving and I was given communion by an assistant (a woman also dressed in white and gold). I vaguely remember being somewhat disappointed that it was an assistant rather than the minister. I also remember wondering what possessed me since I hadn't stepped foot in a church in years and don't consider myself to be a Christian.

I received communion standing rather than the traditional kneeling position.

I followed the others through a door to the right of the front of the church. We were in a large room where people were in various altered states. Some people were pacing and speaking in tongues, others were simply sitting looking like they were coming out of a trance state (much like I'd seen in Cuba). I thought it odd and hadn't noticed anyone looking like they had entered altered states inside the sanctuary. Then I noticed myself feeling a bit discombobulated like I too was in an altered state. It was not unpleasant or scary, just odd - a bit light-headed with a feeling of expansion (not unlike being high).

After spending some time getting ourselves together the group of us slowly made our way outside where the rest of the congregation was - standing around in small groups talking. It was a beautiful blue sky day. I think I was connected to a small group of people, but can't remember who.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 yr old woman, rural WA state

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Lynn,
Thanks for the background info. It sheds a lot of light on the possibilities of your dream, and your life.

Of course the church would represent your spiritual Self. But it is not full which probably represents your search for a more meaningful spiritual experience. You are the minister and overall your spiritual experiences are rewarding and have aided to your personal growth {red wine and chocolate}.

But you have not found that fully integrated Self {assistant but not the minister}. You do not conform to the traditional roles of Western religions, instead you stand for yourself
{welcome to the club}.

You are not a follower but there are some 'altered' states of realizations that intrigue you. New knowledge is always an expansion.

You belong to an exclusive club of spiritual enlightenment {not the norm for a rural Westerner}. But you have yet to pin down what traditions or beliefs you should live by.
This is not uncommon for those who are involved in that inner search. We explore the different spiritual possibilities and realize there is more than just one truth. But which one fits best with your life?

My Observations

I have asked that question of myself many times. It took a few years to realize but the answer was very simple. The spirituality of nature. Like you I have explored many different spiritual concepts and have come away with a higher knowledge of myself and the world around me. But instead of a church I merely seek out a beautiful waterfalls, or take a hike in the woods. I enjoy the company of animals {several felines keep me company} more so than of people {although I have always been a people person-in the past}. It is within nature that we came, and we eventually return. It only makes sense that it is within nature we find our true spirituality. But there is that proposition of the hero path of having to return to society. And to share the 'boons' of knowledge we have learned. If we must endure the company of lesser minds, we should do so with the intent to share what we have learned. It is in that deed of sharing we find wholeness and become true 'ministers' of the spirit.

Teach your children what we have taught our children, that the earth is our mother.

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves.

This we know: The earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth. This we know.

All things are connected like the blood which unites one family. All things are connected.

Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth.

Man did not weave the web of life: he is merely a strand in it.

Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.
Chief Seattle in his Famous Letter to President Grant

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Thanks again Gerard, for your time, energy and insights.

Yes, I think you are absolutely right about the dream. I have found my spiritual experiences generally rewarding. The red wine and chocolate are much more rewarding than the cheap watered down wine and dried out wafers of my childhood religious experiences. It's true that I have not found my fully integrated self. While reflecting on your response, I remembered feeling separate from the others in the church; there was no one I knew. I also remembered that in the "recovery room" the 2 people speaking in tongues were a couple. I felt envious of them - sharing marriage and spirituality.

It's funny, I look to dreams to tell me something I don't know already, to give me some new insight. Of course I know it already - not always accessible maybe, which is where dreams can help.

The dream definitely speaks to my feelings of "trying on" different spiritual practices. There's a bit of "what the hell am I doing here, I don't belong" feeling. Yes, I'm standing on my own, not simply having faith, not being a follower, (of my own cultural tradition or anyone else's).

Now that I think about it, it's interesting that I "stepped out into the light" - huh.

Thanks for the observations of your personal life. I too, have found spiritual connection in nature. I spend a fair amount of time communing with nature by myself and sometimes with others. There are a fair number of us in my community who get together for friendly neighborhood pagan celebrations - soltices, Beltane. I'm still seeking though. There's some element missing, or maybe it's simply the integration.

My best,
Lynn

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 yrs - rural WA state

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Lynn,
Have you discovered that creative aspect in your life? Both Campbell and Jung spoke of the importance of the creative Self in achieving balance and harmony. They believed it is in the muse, or a cause, that the void is filled with spirit. Perhaps the creative aspect can fill that void of your spiritual identity.
To give of oneself through the muse is to share the soul. To sacrifice to a greater cause, that is the journey of the hero/heroine. I know it has filled that void that once followed me, my shadow that never could express itself in any other way.

gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Gerard,

I have had creative aspects in my life in the past, causes as well. I'm in a bit of a dry phase. As with spiritual paths, there are so many directions to take, so many interests, it's hard to know which way to go. Thanks for the insight.

Lynn

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 yrs - rural WA state

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