A dream fragment:

I'm in a jewellery shop with a friend from Jr. high and high school. I have on an aquamarine ring on my (wedding) ring finger. It is a medium sized square cut set in gold.

The quality of the stone, cut, colour and clarity is superb. It is the highest quality most excellent, beautiful acqumarine I have seen in my life. I look at it closely, it sparkles with brilliance, beauty and depth. It is a rich, multifaceted, translucent, clear, deep sea blue-green colour with a rich grey undertone, lucid, clear and reflecting dancing prisms of light. It is seeped with rich colour. I realise it is the exact colour of my friend's (my current relationship) eyes. I ask the price, it is 2500 dollars. I pay a 500 deposit to hold the ring, but as I leave the store I realise that is more than what I have in my account and I don't know when I can come back with the other 2000 so I cancel the transaction and get my deposit back and leave the store with my high school friend.

May

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May,
Jewelry often symbolizes our self worth. Although the aquamarine is a color it could also represent the unconscious. Deep down you know your true worth and it is lined in gold {superior self}. Perhaps there is still a need to consciously bring these worthy unconscious aspects into your waking world, uniting {wedding ring} who you really are to that person you have to be {the social dragon}.

The deposit you have put down is the work you have already given to personal growth, that inner search. But the total cost may seem at times to be too much and you fear you will have to abandoned those treasures you seek in your life {the bliss factor}. Such is the world of social duty.

There may also be an element related to relationships within the dream. If your partner does not realize your true worth, perhaps there are feelings the price you need to pay to make it the relationship work is something you can not afford.

And there is the issue of your friend from high school/jr. high. This is probably you. What is different from then and now? Perhaps it was a time before you were ever in an emotional relationship, a time when you could be your true self, devoid of all the emotional baggage..
Perhaps.

gerard

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Hi Jerry

I agree that the ring represents my true worth. What concerns me is that I felt I couldn't afford it...

I do think also the dream is making a comment about my current relationship. I don't think my partner (not yet anyway) is honoring my true worth. I've decided to avoid him for a while.

I think this dream is a response to the earthquake dream. I sense that it is definitely my relationship with my self that has the power to transform my world, but possibly also that with my friend.

In jr. high school I was a bit of a late bloomer in general and still childish. But in high school I was very confident and secure. I was involved in sports and I had a good circle of friends as well as enjoying my classes and hobbies of which I had many. I didn't date anyone seriously in high school at all and wasn't involved with anyone, so in terms of relationships there was no personal baggage, but I was very unhappy at home. The friend in my dream was more insecure than I was and had a hard time adjusting. She really had no close friends. I was her only friend. My parents didn't like her and felt she was sabotaging my grades and possibly my social life. However, she understood my issues with my parents and was a loyal friend.

In the dream I thought that the ring was the colour of my current 'partner's' eyes. I told a friend this dream yesterday and left out the part about his eyes (she doesn't know he exists in fact at all) and she said it sounds like an upcoming engagement. Interesting. He has called me a few times but I've been too busy to take his calls and I don't like the direction things seem to be heading in, although I still have an overall positive sense for the situation, and I don't think it is only wishful thinking.

One of the hardest things in my life that I've had to deal with has been my relationship with my parents. They made huge mistakes and have in the past caused me tremendous pain and anguish. I have had therapy for this but I feel I am still not recovered. To this day I cannot live with them. They were emotionally abusive and cruel to me in a number of ways, particularly my mother. They also had an arranged marriage and had very strict requirements for who I would marry...same religion, ethnic background and social class. I can't relate to people from my ethnic background, because I grew up in another country although I have made efforts to integrate the culture. I absolutely cannot relate to people from my religious background, I simply do not hold those values. Its been unbelievable painful in so many ways. When I was graduating from high school and entering college I realised that my self esteem was extremely damaged. In some ways, I had a lot of resilience and self confidence, but in other ways both my parents did things to completely break down and destroy who I am completely so that I would submit to their will. My mother made a concerted effort to say horrible things to me on a daily basis. I felt that I had no value. I felt totally unloved and unvalued by my family. In this sense my friend was a great support for me, and perhaps this is why my family despised her and her family with such venom.

It worries me that in the dream I felt I couldn't have the ring...like I'm not good enough for my own self worth, not good enough for the relationship with my current partner, not good enough for him. Not having, being, doing enough. This was the constant message that I received from my mother my entire life. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. She told me once, I will never accept you, you don't exist. My dad has said horrible things to me too. Although now my dad is much kinder to me, I can't cope with them.

I know that the things I endured and still endure with my family of origin still affect me to this day, affect my self esteem, since of worth and relationships with me. My dad had a temper when I was growing up and beat me regularly. I remember how horrible it felt emotionally. It really, really tore me up inside and tore down my self esteem. I dont' care what anyone says but corporal punishment doesn't work. I think its also not a coincidence that I had previously married a man who used violence against me. All of these things, plus the fact that my parents favored my siblings over me openly, hurt me.

I know that my self esteem could be and should be much more than it is. I'm doing better now, compared to how I was when I graduated high school. I regret ever minute I spend with my family with their constant messages of putting me down. What is painful is that even though I am far away they still treat me like I am worth nothing. My brother hasn't answered my emails in a year and I have done nothing to hurt him, ever. My sister takes six months to send an email to my parents asking them for a request on my behalf. When I was home for the holidays last year, my parents were so cruel to me, and it was the first time they had seen me in five years. My mom regularly puts me down and beats up on me emotionally. When I was in college I left home, and when I would call home my mom would put me down. The entire time I was growing up she would make fun of me, make fun of the way I looked, the way I dressed, and I looked like any other normal teenage girl. She also hated the country where I was born and made fun of it and me for being socially integrated. She never took my dreams or goals seriously. She never thought I was good enough for everything. My dad said similar things as well.

It brings back such bad memories to think about when I was in Jr. High and High school. But what stands out about High school is that I found a way to survive, and to love myself somehow, in spite of the pain I did what I could to develop my talents, but it was a form of overachieving so that I could escape the pain.

Even now, when I had two master's degrees and went back home last year for the holiday, my dad would debate with me and when he didn't agree with me would tell me to be quiet 'because you don't anything, you don't know what you're talking about'. He was so mean and so rude to me and so condescending.

Financially, this dream is also telling me something. I left home when I was 19 and borrowed a lot of money for my education. I paid for it myself. My dad wouldn't pay for it. Anything that I have, I earned, I didnt' get from my parents, and that starts with my self worth.

Whatever kind things my parents ever said or did to me, they erased by doing even more cruel things.

I know I should have a positive attitute, and I always try to see the good in what they did, but I also know how much they hurt me and are continuing to to this day.

All I can do is stay away from them.

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Hi May
from the above dream I think u should not rush into any new relation untill u know what u need out for urself from it. i think the point of not having the whole price is indicatiding that the new friend of urs is not giving u the true worth u need by saying that our relation should be secret and when u canceled the transaction and got back the deposite should inform u that u have to avoid this kind of relation bc it does not match ur vlues and morals. when we have somthing we could not bear in our dreams mean that this thing is not worth doing that why we can not bear it and go on. and referring to a friend from high school could be used as an alerting of how past caused u pain and that and ur new approach for the new relation might not be a good step to try as it might be as previous ones. not able to buy what i want is giving us the sign of that u can not get what u want out of this relation. having a past friend might be also alerting sign of giving urself the time u need and think of the bad times u passed through in order to avoid what might be hiden in the future ones.
Best
Tom

Hi May

Wonderful dream, If you dont mind I would like to offer a perspective that is if you like, playing devils sadvocate a little, take from it what you will .

Aquamarine is a very healing colour/stone, which is evident of your description of it, it has a very high vibration which when gazed upon evokes all manner higher thoughts/feelings, Traditionally it helps to overcome judgmentalism, gives support to anyone who is overwhelmed by responsibility. It creates a personality that is upright, persitant and dynamic helping to break old self defeating programs and is useful for closure on all levels. There is much more to say about Aquamarine but this i got the sense is very fitting after reading your reply to Gerrard.

When we hold in our space certain gems and colours it evokes in us certain reponses and feelings, I recently visited the natural history museum in London where they have an amazing selection of stones both precious and semi precious, and I found myself gazing at an Emerald that evoked such a strong response in me that it brought tears to my eyes, What certain colours particularley of a hiher vibration do is resonate with like wise thought patterns and feelings within our own being they serve to open us up to something which is much more than that of our limited ego perceptions of our personality, they move us into a space or let us a glimpse a space of profound beauty within ourselves!

Your dream in part seems to offer the oppurtunity for healing here as you connect to this faecet of yourself
and noticeably it is also the colour of your current parteners eyes which may impart that he to is a potential for healing within yourself.

The next part of your dream however is where you weigh up your own energy here in your personal account and how much you have, relationships take energy and you fear that this could cost you more than you can afford at this time so you withdraw instead the initial energy you first invested into this relationship.

The key here is your reasoning at the level of what you are willing to pay, and it may not just have to do with your relationship but more at a personal level to find within yourself that higher level of being that you so desire to live from, and which the relationship with this man could help you to move into. You decide instead that you dont have the energy and choose to fall back into the old pattern of feeling and reflecting that your high school freind represents to you.

The Aquamarine qualitys in your dream are helping you to break these old self defeating programs and bring healing on many levels. It is natural to fall back into bouts of low selfworth 'dont have ebnough in your account' which colours our perception of our reality particularly as we project this outside of ourselves and attract those very situations that measure up to our expectations.

When I read your dream the enery in your dream evoked in me the notion that it is not so much about the potential for this man to hurt you but more about how you feel about yourself which creates distrust in this man that he will not honour your self worth.
Im just wandering if at a deeper level there is some fear about being in an open loving relationship I say this because of when offered the potential for moving into a space of 'quality', 'brilliance' and 'beauty' that the faecets of your personality has to offer you choose instead to be with the qualitys of your high school friend.

It is possible that seeing your partner as not honouring your worth is more really to do with that you are not honoring your worth on an inner level.
Recognising that you desrve to shine and be in an open and loving relationship appears to be your challenge. This relationship may actually give you the chance to find deep healing or it may not, but fear will always keep us from having what we deserve.

Just some more food for thought
Marce

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Hi guys!!

Thanks SO much for the very interesting dream interpretation.

To start, about my friend:
First of all, I have several other guys who are really, really interesting, and though I feel I 'love' a couple of them and might marry one of them one day, my friend, I'll call him S., is very special. At the beginning we would spend a lot of time together, studying, not talking, and I noticed markedly that he never made me feel nervous, or akward. I always had a deep feeling of peace and joy around him. He has this way of drawing out of me an incredible tenderness together with passion that I never felt like this before in my life. He just draws it out of me, something so deep inside me responds to him, I think it is rare. I also care about him so much, as an individual, I would do anything for him, really. I feel like he is a loyal and caring friend. He has told me he feels the same passion and care for me that I do for him, he said that to me the fist time after we made love. The first time he kissed me, it was amazing, I thought that only happened in harlequin romance novels, what I felt. I just feel like there is a powerful connection between us. I feel like we knew each other in a past life. When I look at his face, especially photographs, there is something markedly familiar about him, like I've seen him and known him intimately before. He has been actively pursuing me all week, with calls and messages and I've been so busy that I haven't got back to him yet, but I also want a little bit of space. I know what we have is a real friendship, and I know I can trust him. I feel something I never felt before, and it feels safe. I've had crushes in the past, where I felt nervous and insecure and anxious and things went badly. With S, I don't have any of those negative feelings. That took me by surpise and I noticed it. Also, he was a virgin, before me, and he told me he's never been as close to anyone as he has been to me, and even though it was his first time, and all the times before that when we didn't go all the way, he was amazing. He is involved in a yoga practice and that is part of it. He also works with Snakes and I feel that he knows how to manage Kundalini energy and bring it into the relationship. He also didn't ask that it be secret, but only discreet because there are people here who know his parents back home, and he does not want to hurt his parents. He has been bitten by snakes twice and almost died. He told me that he expects only to live to be about 40 years before dying and doesn't think its fair to have a wife and kids and do that to them. He also told me he wanted to be with me and only with me, until his parents forced him into an arranged marriage with children or until he died....(or moved away.) When he said it, I really felt he was telling me the truth, and that it wasn't that he had a fear of committment but that he really was not willing to hurt his parents. He is Indian and he believes in Karma. Anyway, enough about him, now about me.

The ring, is me. (And its also S.) I want the ring. I need to get myself back and I want to be with S, but have it be a good thing. The fact that I couldn't afford to buy it means that I'm not putting my energy in the right place to be myself, I need to change whatever I'm doing so I can get the ring, get myself AND be with S. The fact that I went off with my jr.high/high school friend is a regression.

Right before I had the dream I had decided I needed space from S. True, I didn't hear my phone alot when he called and I've been busy and didn't have credit to call him back,but I think the dream is telling me it is a HUGE mistake to let him go or to divert energy AWAY from him, and if I do so I will regress. The dream is telling me to go to myself and to him.

Even though that flys against the face of conventional wisdom, this is the truth. The truth is that I've been running away from him, out of fear, but my soul is telling me not to go away from him.

Even though it doesn't make sense...

I had another dream which might clariy things, I will post it as well.

Thanks you guys are the best, and have a great day!!

By the way, since I've been with him, I feel myself changing. I changed my haircolour and I wear dresses all the time and I feel so happy...even though I've been avoiding him for 9 days since we were together...I feel more myself, confident happy... But I want that Ring!!

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Hi TOM,

I think something you wrote in reply to my dream is so interesting, I feel I must comment on it:



"i think the point of not having the whole price is indicatiding that the new friend of urs is not giving u the true worth u need by saying that our relation should be secret"

Its so interesting that you wrote that. You know my Ex mother-in-law, right after my wedding and honeymoon to her SON, said to me, 'I can't tell the rest of the family or the relatives, I'm keeping this marriage a SECRET.' You can imagine then how much that hurt, and how much my Ex mother in law 'is not giving u the true worth u need by saying that our relation should be secret'. You said it yourself, so eloquently, thanks.


'u have to avoid this kind of relation bc it does not match ur vlues and morals.' I totally agree!!! Thanks for that. That's a huge reason why I divorced my ex husband, by the way.
"alerting of how past caused u pain and that and ur new approach for the new relation might not be a good step to try as it might be as previous ones. not able to buy what i want is giving us the sign of that u can not get what u want out of this relation." This is how I feel about my relationship with my ex-husband. It caused me tremendous pain, especially the way his family and his mother treated me, as a 'dirty secret', and how he never stood up to them or defended me. I definetly would not want another relationship like that nor would I go back to it. In fact, one of the things that I LOVE about my current relationship is that it is completely different from my past one. I am already getting out of it what I want. I feel happy, peaceful and secure. I didn't feel that in my past relationships, you are so right on about that.

"having a past friend might be also alerting sign of giving urself the time u need and think of the bad times u passed through in order to avoid what might be hiden in the future ones." Again, this is so true. I no longer think about my ex husband or how he hurt me but I am sure I will never be with him again and will never be in a relationship like that again with him or anyone else.

I don't hate him and I would be happy for him if he found someone new to love. I know we are not meant to be together ever. I wish him peace and happiness and love with someone else and I hope he can let me go as I've let him go. I'm completely indifferent now to him, and I forgive him for what he did and release him to the universe and to his fate, but I won't trust him again.

Thanks TOM for that brilliant lucid insight, much like the aquamarine which symbolises my deeper self and my new love's eyes.

Peace,

May

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Hi MAY
I would like to give u some hints about ur reply:
When u said that ur ex mother-inlaw said to u that she cant tell the relatives and keep it a secret. And now I feel there is contradiction that now u accept a secret or discreet relation. And am wondering how it can be a secret marriage and ur inlwas knew that u r married to their son. So where is the secret u talked about.
U said that u divorced ur ex-husband for ur moral and values. Wondering for that bc u were the one who had chosen him. U said u divorced him also bc his family hurt u and gave u tremendous pain especially the way his mother and family treated u. so how u judge ur ex husband bc what his family did to u. when we chose one we chose him for himself not for his family deeds.
I want to tell that what u feel about ur new relation is very normal thing to feel bc ur still new to each other so its not good to be that happy.
why u said that u no longer think of him what if he realy think and loves u sometimes we got hurt from the relation but we have to weight it up and if the good bigger than the bad so it might be a good relation. What if he got changed why didn’t u stand with him for the best track.
Its good for not to hate him or anybody else. Hate is very bad thing and it is the most cause for diseases. I wish if u really loved him u have to think of him what he might feel. Divorce is not good for both bc its not a boyfriend and girlfriend thing. It was based on commitment and love so when it failes its bad for soul and health. Am sorry for the pain u had but if there is anyway to think of him again it might bc got for both of u. u said u r indifferent now to him what u mean by this words. If u r now indifferent he might be got indifferent to suits u.
Best for u
Tom

Hi Tom,

Incidently, I forgot to mention once that also after my ex husband and I got married we were walking in the street holding hands and when one of his relatives passed, he let go of my hand and pretended to talk on his mobile, pretty secretive if you ask me, so you would agree that that is hurtful.

Anyway, my friend introduced me to all his best mates a few weeks ago and was very proud of me. One of his friends has been asking me out as well, I guess its a guy thing to be all competitive and stuff.

Today is the 7th month anniversary of my divorce. I'm grateful to be free and to move on.

No matter what happens with my friend, I am always happy and there are lots of great guys out there, so if things don't work out with him, they will with someone else.

Thanks Tom for the wisdom,

May

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Oh and Tom,

Speaking of SECRETIVE, my ex-husband refused to add me on his facebook profile or add himself to mine. He didn't want to be PUBLICALLY associated with me. He never let me socialise with his work collegues or his friends, like my new friend does. One of his work colleagues didn't even know he was MARRIED while she flirted with him in front of everyone, he introduced her to me once.

Anyway, the GREAT thing is that I'm not married to him anymore, so I don't have to remember these things or care about them.

My relationship with my friend is nice. Maybe it isn't ideal and maybe it won't even last forever. I don't care. A lot of guys have asked me to marry them, and when I'm ready I can choose the one who is special.

Right now it feels SO GOOD to be free and to take space for myself and to explore lots of relationships with different men until I find the one that suits me.

Whoever I marry will be PROUD that I am his wife, PROUD to be seen with me in public, PROUD to have me be a fully respected and integrated member of his WHOLE family, PROUD to defend me if his FRIENDS and FAMILY put me down, and PROUD to introduce me to his friends, family, colleagues and the WHOLE world as his wife.

My ex-husband even made sure we didn't have a traditional public wedding ceremony either in his neighborhood or in public. It was a small civil ceremony and a smaller reception. In fact, he didn't even want a WEDDING.

I spent alot of time being sad in the past, but I'm not sad anymore. I am HAPPY. Happy to be me, happy to be free and I really really wish him the best and hope his life gets better, with someone else, not with me.

Take care Tom

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HI MAY
May its hurtful but why u think he did that bc u were with him. He might be didn’t like his relative and even if when he was walking alone he would have done the same thing and ignored him. Its not the sign. It seems that u were living near ur ex husband relatives so if he was so secretive he would have chosen another place to live in away from his relative. Am sorry for u and for ur ex-husband. But I wish u could find a way to heal everything up. And regarding his not socializing with u. I think it might be his character of not like socializing with other and may he was the one not that socialize and like staying at home. Was that ur relation with him all that bad.
May did ur ex- Huabdn has facebook list and how many he added on it. He might be not that one liking this kind of modern tools. If doesn’t mean that he want a secretive. What mean he didn’t want to be publicaly associated with u. was not he taking u out and hanging together. And spent times outdoors. Does he socialize his work colleaque. I don’t think his character one of this kind. Didn’t u know his friends.what the friend u talked about. Why u say the great thing that u r not married to him anymore. Its bad thing to say about ex husband. He was ur man ur lover and the caring one what ever mistakes u both did. What if he still loves u and wanting to get back by the hard u both passed through together u become strong and able to have a good understanding relation. By passing hurdles it gives us the strength for couples. Bc there is no 100% understanding between married couples and it comes after a big effort and after solving many clashes. And u have to no that there is no one person is 100% complete the full completeness is only belonged to god. But with times u both find a way to have a better relation. Didn’t he got changed with times?
May its good for us to feel free sometimes and its good for us to our partner be proud of us but from my inutution I think ur ex husband was realy inlove with u and proud of u but I think he had some hard times for being tensioned. If ur ex was realy felt sad and sorry for what he did and got changed he might be good one to think of its better to get one we knew than we one we will need to know him.what if he was very sad for losing u. was he all that bad? I doubt it? From ur post it seems that his family was against this marriage was not it a good proof of his love to u that he didn’t listen to them and listened to the love he has in his heart.

Best for u MAY

May,
From what you have said about your ex-husband it seems he has his own serious psychological problems. But it may be worth the while to determine what attracted you to him in the first place. Look at his psychological 'deformities' and try to understand those underpinnings to his actions. It may reveal patterns related to childhood and prevent you from making the same mistake in judging future relationships.

gerard

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Hi Tom,

Perhaps you might have missed the postings where I wrote that he hit me. After I forgave him and gave him a second chance. Men usually don't change and I'm not willing to undergo the risk again.

I've moved on, and I won't move back. I pray he finds a woman he can live with and marry her and live his life. I pray he forgets about me and moves on. We aren't meant to be together and letting go is healing. I could say so many things about what hurt me, but really there is no need. I had another friend who I dated briefly before this one and it was nice. I like being single. I like being free and I like not answering to anyone. I don't mind expressing love, passion and tenderness, but I really can't deal with a relationship right now, not one that is abusive or too complicated.

Anyway, one of his hints that he didn't love me was the fact that he told me he was bored with me and wanted to divorce me, and that he wanted to be single and divorced. Another hint was that he hit me. Of course there were very very subtle hints, that I might have missed, but fortunately I was perceptive enough to catch those subtle hints.

I think that perhaps he needs to face some issues on his own, and take time out for himself, and find his own path and healing and then find a woman who is compatible with him. Not every two people are compatible, and there is no reason to beat ourselves up if a relationship ends. Sometimes its just not meant to be.

I like being independent and free and living my life on my terms. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, or who I frustrate so much that they feel they have to hit me. Since I make them so tense, then I shouldn't be in their life. And I don't need all the other things which I won't mention.

Starting over can be painful, but better to start now than letter. I really do wish him happiness with his own family, with another woman. I do not want to be with him. There is someone else out there for me who shares my values. Even if its not this friend S. Even if I never find someone, I prefer the path I'm on.

Thanks for the insight Tom. All the best to you,

May

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This morning I had a serious insight about this dream.

The ring also symbolises how I see my friend S. I've over idealised him. He's not as brilliant as I think, the gem was too small for something of its beauty, and its not really the color of his eyes. Yesterday when I was talking to him I was looking very closely and careful at the color of his eyes and I noticed that they seemed more dull and some of the light had gone out of them...they were a dark muddy grey with hints of torquoise-aquamarine, but the grey took over. The dream is telling me that there is something in my attitude that is causing me to believe that he is not worth it, that he is not worth the price, and that its better for me to walk away and regress than to be with him. That is indeed the attitude I've taken, and at first it wasn't my attitude but something inside me changed.

I am absolutely certain that regressing is not the path to go, and no matter how much better off or less 'needy' I was in high school, going backwards is not the correct response to avoiding pain, or to fear of getting hurt. There must be a better way and I need to find it.

Seriously though, its really not worth the price to have an uncommitted causual fling with him, and worry about things like pregnancy or have to deal with jealous emotions or that he doesn't respect me enough, etc. etc. My feelings for him and the attraction between us is incredibly powerful and I felt extremely ungrounded after seeing him yesterday for just half an hour. It was intense. Being away is the only way for me right not to stay grounded, or seeing him in very very small doses, like running into him accidently and saying hi in passing. Any more than that and a tremendous amount of intense emotion comes to the surface and I can't cope with it.

I wanted to cry yesterday because of how horrible I felt the situation was. I don't need that. I woke up this morning resolving to keep myself grounded. Plus I had another dream about him will post later...

May

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I wrote here previously that my ex-husband gave me an aquamarine ring which I dreamt of before.

The price of that marriage was too high, and I walked away from it.

This dream may be a healing comment about my former marriage and divorce.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes