I'm in Paris with my husband, who is wearing a hat and coat (a stranger) and he suddenly leaves my side, walks up the steps to a bridge in a very romantic part of Paris, surrounded by trees in a garden, and goes up to a woman with short dark hair and pale skin, wearing a black dress with a scooped neck and kisses her, under a black umbrella, and the whole scene is in black and white, like an advertisement, and quite surreal and very, very French.

EOD



I used to have dreams of my ex-husband cheating on me when I first got married. I am divorced now and don't know who this man is.

Thanks,
May

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MAY
Having reoccurring cheating dreams about ur ex husband means that ur inside soul now and unconscious has been longing to him and the one that he cheated with her in Paris is reflecting ur inner self as the scene u described is a very romantic one filled with trees and garden means that u like gardens and trees and u like the whole place and it was like an advertisement means that u both had a very strong relation and a very romantic one and very well worked relationship bc advertisement is a thing that capture our eyes and it hatched after a big working. This a little hints for now.

Best
Tom

May,
Could this man be an animus figure? If so it would be you cheating yourself, an unconscious event that has stymied your growth {surrounded by trees in the garden}. Most often strangers in a dream do represent our unknown qualities. Look at this dream in that light and see if it fits.

gerard

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Hi Jerry,

Thanks for the interpretation. I felt the other woman actually was me, so its not really cheating, but since I'm not married, the man is definitely an animus figure, so in that sense an unconscious part of me is bonding with the animus in a way that makes me uncomfortable, so yes, it fits, there is a betrayal of some sort.

My true me wants to be with my friend S. My frightened, old fashioned me wants to hold out until he marries me. Or moves in that direction. Since he's made his situation clear, the only resolution is either he changes his mind about his situation, or I change my mind about being afraid.

When I first became interested in dreams and the animus I read that a woman with a negative animus may find that her animus acts like a jealous male and causes her to do things to sabotage the relationship and push the real life male away, or end up in an abusive relationship where the negative animus is projected on to the male who starts to play the part. Although I think men who abuse women are one hundred percent responsible for their own actions, I can see how a jealous animus can cause harm. I believe that like attracts like and fear leads to a manifestation of what is feared.

The only way I know how to deal with that is to keep some distance from the relationship until I get my bearings and to silently and secretly send out positive messages of love to my friend. He still calls me alot and leaves sweet messages and seems to be moving closer some how. I think also guys are different from woman the continum between space and closeness and usually need more space. Maybe when he misses me he will realise the day that we would have to part for his arranged marriage (if he really decides to go that route) would be too unpleasant for him. I don't know. But, yes, your interpretation is right on.

The problem with things being unconscious is that it is very deep and elusive and I'm not sure. I have to take it as a given that there is something unconcious holding me back. Maybe just that realisation is a step in the right direction.

The dream is also taking a situation that I wish for, and objectifying it. Maybe it is telling me that real life is not like those lovely advertisements. Maybe its telling me the romantic dream is just that, a black and white dream with no real substance and maybe I should go for the real relationship even if I'm scared. Maybe I should start answering my phone.

Maybe.

Thanks Jerry,

May

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Hi Tom,

Perhaps you might have missed the postings where I wrote that he hit me. After I forgave him and gave him a second chance. Men usually don't change and I'm not willing to undergo the risk again.

I've moved on, and I won't move back. I pray he finds a woman he can live with and marry her and live his life. I pray he forgets about me and moves on. We aren't meant to be together and letting go is healing. I could say so many things about what hurt me, but really there is no need. I had another friend who I dated briefly before this one and it was nice. I like being single. I like being free and I like not answering to anyone. I don't mind expressing love, passion and tenderness, but I really can't deal with a relationship right now, not one that is abusive or too complicated.

Anyway, one of his hints that he didn't love me was the fact that he told me he was bored with me and wanted to divorce me, and that he wanted to be single and divorced. Another hint was that he hit me. Of course there were very very subtle hints, that I might have missed, but fortunately I was perceptive enough to catch those subtle hints.

I think that perhaps he needs to face some issues on his own, and take time out for himself, and find his own path and healing and then find a woman who is compatible with him. Not every two people are compatible, and there is no reason to beat ourselves up if a relationship ends. Sometimes its just not meant to be.

I like being independent and free and living my life on my terms. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, or who I frustrate so much that they feel they have to hit me. Since I make them so tense, then I shouldn't be in their life. And I don't need all the other things which I won't mention.

Starting over can be painful, but better to start now than letter. I really do wish him happiness with his own family, with another woman. I do not want to be with him. There is someone else out there for me who shares my values. Even if its not this friend S. Even if I never find someone, I prefer the path I'm on.

Thanks for the insight Tom. All the best to you,

May

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