My ex brother-in-law, (brother of my ex-husband), had purchased for himself a gun. Sometime passed and then he went on a shooting rampage and shot a ton of people.

EOD

Am distressed about what this dream is telling me...and would like an interpretation that would help me transform the negative energy it represents.

Thanks so much,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

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May,
Keeping in mind that such scenes of shooting people is not to be taken literal {your ex B-I-L isn't actually shooting tons of people} we need to look to the associations such symbols represent for you personally. One possibility, especially with all the random shootings that seem to be occurring of recent which could influence the dream, is a fear of past experiences coming back to 'rampage' on you. Although there may be elements of a real fear of your ex B-I-L {something you would most likely recognize} he probably represents something within yourself, a masculine aspect that is 'still' threatening to you. Being a former B-I-L may suggest there are past experiences that still threaten you and if not controlled could cause a 'mental' rampage within you. Guns often symbolize anger or aggression. Could there be some anger within you that threatens your peace of mind? It could involve past relationships.

How to take this negative force and turn it into something positive. Of course the first thing is to recognize what the negative force is. Then you must confront it, recognize its origins {why it still causes such a dream} and control whatever urges it has in your emotional mind. That takes discipline. Once you learn of an out of balance emotional issue you have to learn to control it and not let it control you.

Are there any fears from the past that are associated with your ex B-I-L? If not, and most likely are not, then look to your own 'related' masculine qualities to determine what within you is capable of causing an 'emotional rampage'. Once you identify that then it requires forceful discipline to control those emotions.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Wow, Jerry, that was awesome.

Ok, first of all, no matter how much I know about Jung my first thought was to wonder if my ex BIL went on some crazy rampage and I checked the news!! (I would not be surprised). This is someone who drinks heavily and has used violence against his wife, as well as cheating on her openly. He was a mentor to my ex husband and influenced him in many ways. But, leaving literal things aside (also the daily news), I look within:

Yes, what you said is so appropriate. I do have fears from past relationships. In fact, I mentioned before that I've been dating SK. He was introduced to me by S. SK and I were doing fine more or less for a while, and then my fears started erroding my confidence, which made me act differently around him, which made him pull away, which re-enforced my insecurity, which lead to a breakup last week. But, then two days after the breakup, I think the day before or after the dream (I forget) he told me he doesn't want to lose me and wants to get back together but start slowly. (What I was saying in the first place).

I know that some of my insecurities were rooted in objective reality based on things SK said and did, but with that aside, the rest has to do with me, my fears, and my past relationships.

This time around in our relationship (it was actually the second break up), I am going to be detached and observant and instead of reacting to his provocations that led to my insecurity, I am going to make a mental note, not react and face my own fears. In time it will be more clear if we are or are not right for each other, but right now, my emotions are too confused to see clearly because although SK has done things to make me feel some doubts, his actions are not necessarily equal to the emotions that I felt. Or if I am not honoring my intuition and wisdom enough to see if he really isn't good for me, I think as I become more secure in trusting myself and my intuition it will also be more clear. It was too painful at this point to break up and both of us felt the same way.

My largest area of insecurity does have to do with relationships and I have a lot of unresolved feelings about past relationships. I'm glad that I got away from S. because it really wasn't healthy. I think the best I can do with SK is to trust my own intuition, regardless if SK tries to rationalise it away, and to not react emotionally to my feelings of insecurity, whether they are caused by his actions, or my own past fears. By not reacting, but taking mindful note, I can control myself from having the past dynamic where he pulled away and then I did make a self-fulfilling prophecy.

At the same time, at some point I have to ask myself if it isn't just too hard to be with him. But then I will hopefully be more clear and can feel good about breaking up with him. I feel I can't do it right now.

I also feel that I need to trust my intuition and instincts more. And I need to control my anger. In the past few weeks, when I felt angry with SK, I told him that, and I told him why, but I did it in a way that he wasn't receptive to hearing, and made him defensive and made me feel very unappreciated. I think at this stage in our casual dating, expressing anger in my diary is better than telling him, and honoring my feelings silently and observing is better than sharing my fears with him (in a negative way), and having him undermine them.

I think whether he is genuine at this point or not, is a moot point because it is too soon to tell and perhaps the dream is telling me to contain my anger and face my own insecurities..rather than go off about it.

I do have to say this, in an ideal healthy situation, one partner should be able to express to the other their valid concerns and be heard. I think our relationship isn't at that level, its still at the stage of dating which in many ways is a subtle and sophisticated game of attraction, and confidence is far more attractive than insecurity...

Other than SK, in the last few weeks I've been very stressed, and I not only neglected SK (the reason he says he pulled away because I was too distant throughout our knowing each other) but also have been really rushing through my day and in a state of tension and anger.

I've been cooling down recently and I want to discipline myself to express myself better and not out of a place of fear, but of confidence.

My BIL represents a very negative way of being and I want that not to be a part of me.

I hope that things with SK either get better, or I have the strength to recognise that its not a good situation and to leave it.

Thanks so much Jerry,
May

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May,
It seems to you have arrived at an important place in your life. The realizations of your insecurities and how they have controlled you is a revelation that will bring you out of the depths and into a life of personal growth. There is only one word, a word I have used often in the past few weeks that will define whether you succeed or fail. That word is discipline. Discipline to trust your intuition, to control your anger, and to remember it is those insecurities born from earlier life experiences that are at the root of your behavior. All too often we forget, and I am as just as guilty as the next person, of what we have learned about our inner self and have to begin the journey all over. One of my favorite myths is of Perceval {King Arthur's Knights of the Round-table} who wondered in the forest looking for the Grail only to be thwarted by his lack of discipline to 'stay the course'. Of course the Grail is the soul and in logical terms it is the individual quest for understanding their own psychological condition. Now that you have once again discovered your psychological condition of insecurities, it remains only a task of discipline to overcome that final hurdle, slay that last dragon, and finally realize and achieve the goal your soul is searching for in life.

Once again I will spell the word with capitol letters:
D I S C I P L I N E

Jerry

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Jerry I just started writing a response to this and then I accidently deleted it.

I will come back to the forum another time and reply.

I agree with you and am exercising discipline and mindfulness. Its a balance between knowing what are my insecurities and what are the things in my relationship that are real red flags, and time will tell, if I honor my intuition without actually overracting to my fears.....

I am definitely at a turning point and will keep you posted...

in the meantime, its been difficult living with so many insecurities.

All the best,
May

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Dear Jerry,

I really think this dream (or rather become conscious as a result of this dream) marks a turning point in my life.

In terms of discipline, in general, I'm devoting more time to meditation, jogging, and mindfulness. In the past, the way I dealt with my emotions was to at least focus on my studies and this served me well. I've been focused on my workouts more and neglected my studies but will go back to the way I was.

In terms of my relationship, I told SK that I needed time away for both of us and that we should be apart and free and if he wants to later address the issues that made it hard for me to be with him, he can come back on his own and address them, otherwise I prefer to be free.

I was really suffering alot, feeling tremendous insecurities, and though I stopped acting out on it with SK, I still felt it when I was in a relationship with him. Though this is the second day since my decision, I feel free, light, relieved and I believe that if he is really interested in me, he'll come back on his own and help me make the relationship work, otherwise, perhaps he is not the right person for me.

It took a lot of courage and self confidence to choose to be alone rather than to compromise with a half fulfilling relationship, and I'm glad I made this decision. I just need to focus on meditation, jogging, my studies and my work and build up my confidence and I believe in time, the relationship with SK will either sort itself out, or I'll move on, but I'll be Ok in any case.

Thanks Jerry for your valuable insight,
May

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May,
It does take courage to do 'what must be done' in order to be your true self and not let old habits guide you. And a lot of discipline. What usually breaks down is the discipline part. But knowing you are doing what is right for your soul can be the one thing that keeps you on track. Sometimes we must compromise but when it comes to our true identity, the true Self, compromises only make it worse. Half fulfilling relationships are just that. True security comes with fulfillment of the soul. You are in your prime and with discipline and courage you will find that fulfillment, not only for the soul but in your relationships. Stay the course and those desires for companionship will happen. Do not compromise what you know will not work. Focus on your meditation, your workouts {a great way to relieve the stress} and your studies. That will fill your time until 'that' day arrives.

Meanwhile let's see what your dreams have to say about your new direction. It may take a short time but if you stay the course you should have more of these positive dreams. Dreams reflect life, the true life as it is but also how it should be.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Thanks so much Jerry!!

It has been hard. Last night I emailed SK and today I found myself jogging past his house and I knocked on his door but he wasn't home. I had a hard time getting out of bed and went by his work. I can't concentrate. I know it will be hard for the first few days or weeks. I told him all these things by email, I'm beyond acting cool or saving face, since I'm the one who ended it any way. Maybe if he thought I wasn't so in love with him he would have been more interested, who knows.

Thanks for your words of support. I know that I did the right thing and the pain of being free will make me more free, rather than the pain of being constrained and unhappy with SK. In time either it will work out or I'll really move on.

I will work on my discipline. When I was with SK, even though I wasn't happy with some of his behavior, I was happy and that happiness gave me a lot of energy. Now I have to find the happiness within and not depend on SK for motivation to take care of my studies and work and improve my jogging. It is a good life lesson and it will be good for me but it is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I felt so 'up' with him, even though I felt insecure, and now I feel so 'down' and this is my test, to be calm and happy without him.

I know my dreams will help me but I also have to help myself. I hope tomorrow I can wake up and feel good and do what I have to do, for me, and not spend the day chasing after someone who wasn't even that in to me.

May

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