jerry,

i am including a series of dreams i had this week. i can tell you i have been grieving the loss of a friend and have noticed the things, which she held for me, that i am now being invited to integrate/own for myself.... my wisdom, my pain, my darkness and my light. things i would've taken to her for validation, for grounding, i am now invited to trust in myself.

i have also noticed that many of my 'old' ways of processing have not been working... poetry, being communicated with through nature icons, sitting in groups. my sense has been that this is also a part of the 'aloneness', this being fully present with what is, without my usual distracting/numbing mechanisms.

enough background i hope...
here are the dreams

1. a few nights ago, a woman, who was a deep soul-friend, counselor, healer, to me while she lived here, came to me in a dream. in the dream i was supposed to be going to
'school' but i took a detour in order to return to her office, which in my dream was a
place of healing, like a dr's office. as i sat in her office, mourning (i could feel the
pain of it in my dream), she came to me and told me it was well that i had come (you see, i was
feeling terribly anxious and guilty because i was supposed to be in school...it was the
2nd day in a row that i had missed class and i feared i would get soo far behind and have
to drop out...interestingly, i did drop out of college many years ago when i lost a baby girl in childbirth).

i asked her again what she was learning now... she said she was most
surprised to realize that the ego was more real/permanent and valuable than she had
thought. i am not exactly sure what this means to me.

her husband then arrived in the dream to clean out the last things from her office, and
my beloved friend and mentor left. her husband and i talked for awhile about nadia, connecting on some level,
because i asked if we could please meet again, perhaps for lunch someday. he said that he
didn't think so...and again i felt the ripping pain of loss.

some nurses entered the office then, (they had seen me enter and been quietly concerned
about me) and i prepared to leave, walking down the hall to get my shoes out of the
closet where i had left them when i arrived. i felt the call to return to the office,
which i did, and where the 3 (nadia's husband, and the 2 nurses) invited me to watch a
movie with them. we turned out the lights and sat together, watching the film in the
dark....

2. the next night i dreamt again. alot. i had my recurrent waittress dream, the one where i
can't keep up, where i cannot possibly get to all the customers, where i keep getting
farther and farther behind, my tables filling up while i am ineptly trying to serve
others. i don't understand why this dream came last night... i usually have it during
holidays or following family gatherings with my children. i have always associated it
with trying to take care of too many needs.

and then, that same night, i had a big one, i think. though i have only images of parts of it, the part i
do recall is powerful. i am at a camp of sorts. i am staying in a large, motel-like room.
i can picture the living area...the floor is covered with a large thin white padding of
sorts and the only pieces of furniture are 2 overstuffed chairs. i am outside then, and
needing to use the restroom. the restrooms are like cinder block garages....large and
deep with only 1 toilet along the back wall of each. i think i am a child now. there is a
man in the back of the stall that i go into, beckoning me to come in. a young adult woman
comes up warns me not to go in there, it's not safe, but she is too late, i have already
entered, and so she comes in with me. the door is locked behind us. as the dreamer, i am
now outside the locked door, but inside the young woman is being brutally and bloodily
murdered, slashed with a knife. the young girl is spared. it seems to me as if the young
adult woman has sacrificed herself for the sake of the child. i am aware as the dreamer
that the man says he is killing her because she has cheated on him. now the little girl
is his property, she goes off with him, but when i see her again she is somehow immune to
his abuse (again, i feel as if the young woman has somehow protected her innocence, even
though the child continues to live with a brutal man) she is standing on a hill, looking
up, laughing, full of wonder, saying 'oh, look at the sky, how blue it is, and the
leaves, so green!' in my dream i see vivid colors... the green of the leaves against the
backdrop of a blue sky, the green grass on the hill, the blond curls on the little girls
head. the hill is near to the restroom where the killing took place, but as we walk past
on our way back to the motel room, and look inside, it has been completely cleaned out,
sanitized, though i am aware a horrific and bloody murder has occurred there...

3.last night i kept re-entering yet another dream over and over. i would awaken from the
anguish of it, and feel the relief that it was only a dream, only to fall back into it
right away when i fell back to sleep.

in the dream, my son had been shot. a salesperson was at his home, selling some
sort of kitchen product, and when my son told him 'no', and finally asked him to leave, the
saleman pulled out a gun and shot him. in the next part of the dream, we were in the
hospital. he had not yet died, but it was certain that his wound was fatal. there was
much pain, much anguish, much heartache. in a later manifestation of the dream, he had
died, after an hour in the hospital. i was trying desperately to reach another son who had not yet arrived.
again, the intense pain of it. this is what awoke me each time..crying, lamenting,
anguish.

this dream reminded me of yet another dream from earlier (this week?). in that dream all 4 of my
children are hospitalized in the same room, all of them expected to die.....

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 47, pennsylvania

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

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Vicki,
Let me digest these dreams and take more time to assess the possibilities later today. The first dream does seem to start out asking your own wisdom self for guidance in some aspect{s} of your life. That fits with your description of not having the usual ways of processing emotional conflicts. And the mention of the ego {the ego was more real/permanent and valuable than she had
thought}. The statement is more truthful than one may think. And the question is 'what does that mean to you?' Has the exerted itself in someway, positive or negative, that makes you question some aspect of its power? What healing, besides the loss of your friend, is needed now in your life? Such questions may hold the answer to why you are having these dreams.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 58 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes