This morning I dreamt the following:

I'm in a livingroom with my mother. It's like a mixture of the livingroom in the apartement I live in now, the livingroom in the house I grew up, and yet another place, which is not familiar to me. There are two couches there, just like the ones I have in my home now. My mother is sitting on one of them, I'm sitting on the other.
We are talking about my younger brother, who is sill living at home with my mother and my stepfather. My mother is expressing concern about him eating too much. I feel that it is time to confront her, and I say: "Mom, don't you think it is wierd that both your kids have had this problem, beeing the fat kid?" ( I used to be pretty chubby until I started high school) She hesitates, and I go on: " Don't you remember, I used to eat all the time, too? And later on, I used to smoke hash and drink, to try to solve all these tangeled up emotions inside? That's what my brother is doing too, but he uses food! I used to really hate my body, I felt so ugly all the time"
My mother is now really uncomfortable, avoiding my eyes, just sighing and turning away from me. I get up from the couch and go up to her, leaning down near her face to force her to listen to me. And I say: " No matter how you have chosen to hide from it: I'm still the girl that lost her father when she was three. Gone! And you've told me almost nothing about him! What do I really know about who he was?"
My mother now lies down on the couch, closing her eyes, trying to shut me out. I decide that I'm going to tell her everything, to make her see how she betrayed me, over and over again. The first thing I want to say to her, is how she used to threaten to leave me, to move away from me, when I was acting out anger or being difficult as a child. I want to make her think of how it might have felt to hear this, as a littel girl who had only her mother, no other close familiy. I say to her: "Mom I'm going to tell you something else you did to me. And it is going to hurt, but you have to know this..."
My mother then gets up in a hurry saying: "You know, I really need to use the bathroom. And by the way.. I'm actually leaving tomorrow, we have plane tickets for tomorrow."

At this point, it is no longer my mother standing there, but my boyfriend. And I feel this furious anger because he has ordred planetickets, and is going away on a fun trip with his friends, when he should be home, taking care of our relationship, our daughter, and me. The fact that he has decided this behind my back, without even asking me, makes me feel betrayed and abandonned. I take it as a proof that he doesn't care about me at all.
Somehow, my mother is still there in his face, and I recognize that it is the exact same feeling that I had as a child. But I'm not just afraid, like that child, I'm really angry too. Then I wake up.

Some additional information here:
My mother used to travel sometimes when I was a child. With my stepfather or through work. I was then usually taken care of by my stepfathers mother. I remember the feeling of beeing put aside, and never understood why I couldn't come along with her.
My boyfriend has a habit of laying down on the couch and closing his eyes (like my mom did in the dream) when I try to bring up sensitive matters like problems in our relationship, or difficult feelings. When he does this I usually get very angry, because I feel it is a total rejection.
And finally: I really have problems with my boyfriend going away for a few days, and in a couple of weeks he is going away on a seminar.
I think this dream is pretty clear, but It feels so important that I really would like to hear your thoughts on it too.

Inanna

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 30 Norway

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Iannna,
You are in the living room of your mother yet in the apartment you live now. I see that as associating the two events you describe in your added info, being left behind by your mother and being ignored by your boyfriend. Both involve feelings of not be given the attention you need and desire. I believe you have tied the two together well and have an understanding of the relationships. What to do about the bf attitude is another story.

I get the sense you are your mother in this dream. Having to get in his face to get his attention. You have reverted to the past, with the present circumstances with your bf being brought forward. Then it is you who is trying to shut out those past emotions. A need to eliminate {bathroom} those emotions, and perhaps make changes in the present so you don't suffer through them again.

Is there a real sense of betrayal on your bf's part or is it your own sense of being left behind once again? No doubt he is being selfish in his attitude but how much of it is his attitudes and how much is it the past coming alive again? And what can you do about his attitudes? Perhaps as in the dream the need to "tell you something else you did to me". To him and perhaps your mother {if you have not already done so}. And if he is indeed more like your mother, what to do then?

I believe there is a need to overcome these emotions of abandonment. If there is a true love in your relationship with your bf then there would be a need to work it out, if possible. The deep inner needs you never received as a child still linger, and they must be met, or put into a perspective you can live with. The anger you feel is most likely still toward your mother for her part and it may help to confront her. But the attitude of your bf, that seems more important at the moment. The future is dependent on how that plays out. Do you once again go through that same cycle or do you alter the course and break free from those attitudes of need {never received as a child and are not receiving from your bf}?

Not an easy course to navigate.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Hi Inanna,

some thoughts on this dream, as it seems very important dream. You have such good dream awareness that they may be able to provide you with valuable insights.

This is offered as an addition to Jerry's interpretation.

The strong flavour of this dream is issues of 'mother'.

'I really used to hate my body' - estrangement from our body happens when we must make a choice very early in life, as children it is related to our survival (we are dependent on our mother for our survival). In effect we give up trusting our body, its messages, its instincts - because they conflict with the situation we are in. As children we lack the psychological sophistication (but gain it too early in these situations).
If this is so, that you hated your body, then it is likely that a choice (albeit unconscious) was made at that time - mind over body.

"Closing her eyes, trying to shut me out" - a strong statement that you felt you were (are ?) not valued ? or that she is defining herself as separate from you (less likely); or does she have an attitude of 'hiding' 'denying' reality ,, ,

Over-eating, drug-taking - are forms of 'acting out' - unable to actually express frustration , anger, rage, one does things that act out the unexpressed emotion. They are complusions. Down side it that they have a potential for self-harm.

Food is a symbol of mother - the repressed emotion looks for an outlet - destroying food; the guilt felt because one is angry at ones mother (which one feels is against the ways of nature) is transferred to feeling guilty about food, sex, drugs whatever the compulsive behaviour.

In the dream there is then a swap / transfer from mother to bf , , , interesting , , , have you done this in some way ? ? transferred anger perhaps. Certainly there are similarities in the way your bf + mother seem to respond to your need for emotional expression.
As children, we look mother for gratification - to fulfil our needs , , , another thread
There is perhaps another layer in this Inanna - and that is, how to put this , , , was there a seductive element in the relationship of your mother towards you ? To me this would explain the deepest level of anger from a child to a parent , , , like anger at being 'used' to fulfill the parents need for a partner. A child needs a parent, not a friend; and the parent should not turn to the child to fulfill this need within them.

a lot in this dream, you must be ready to unravel its mysteries

Justin

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 50 Hong Kong

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes