The Dream:

The year is 1963. The place is Egypt. It is my maternal grandfather's funeral. The relatives are elegant, refined, classy, wealthy, fancy black cars. I am made to understand that he is in the fourth dimension and only seperated from me by a thin veil through which we may still communicate..
Then, the year is 1964. Again the place is Egypt. It is my paternal grandfather's funeral. There seem to be no relatives. The house however has brightly colored laundry hanging out to dry outside the house...

End of dream.

The latest development in my life since the last posting is that I got back together with my boyfriend SK.. .

Thanks everyone,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? yes

May,
The funerals of your maternal and parental grandfathers. Could this dream be addressing the demise of deepest aspects of your masculine psyche? I refer you to two statements in the dream which I think important:
1} "I am made to understand that he is in the fourth dimension and only separated from me by a thin veil through which we may still communicate".

2} "The house however has brightly colored laundry hanging out to dry outside the house".

You have recently reunited with SK. Is there still a 'thin veil through which you can communicate' with SK?
And the house, you. The brightly colored laundry hanging outside the house {your relationship with SK}, is that laundry being hung out to dry even though there is unresolved issues with the relationship?

The years 1963, and one year later 1964, may have personal associations. Egypt is often thought of as the 'ancient' past. Have things NOT really changed from one year to the next. First there is the 'death' of the maternal grandfather, the wise feminine/masculine aspect. Then the 'passing' to the other dimension of the total masculine psyche. Is this dream about choices, perhaps the lack of the wisdom of the important masculine?

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Dear Jerry,

I was alarmed when I read your response for two reasons:

(1) A former Jungian analyst of mine interpreted my dream about the dying baby boy as an imbalance in the psyche where the emotions were killing off pure mind/animus (baby boy). That dream occured AFTER I broke up with SK.

(2) On the day that you answered my dream post I actually had bad vibes about SK and he text me to cancel our date rather than call. The next day the bad vibes went away completely and I felt totally ok with him but he didn't contact me for days. Then yesterday right before I read this post of yours I texted him that I couldn't commit to him, and he didn't like it. Then I read your post, and I decided to actually try to talk to him directly about any issues I was having with him, and at least I said my part and he listened and heard me and things hopefully will be OK.

I was alarmed because I am hearing from you and my former analyst that the demise of the masculine is a theme. It seems to be connected somehow to SK. What worried me is that I dreamt the newly developing masculine died when I broke up with him and I felt genuine grief. I don't think getting back together with him symbolises the demise of the masculine..though I trust your dream interpretations.

I do have alot of emotional baggage from past relationships and talking about it with SK last night, at his initative made me see also how my past (being cheated on by two boyfriends) could be causing my fears, insecurities and lack of trust in SK. I find that the more I get to know him, the more I talked to him honestly and with a vulnerable open heart, last night and in the past, the more trustworthy, gentle, understanding he is and the more I discover his maturity and trustworthiness and wisdom. I had all these projections of him and they were wrong.

I'm not saying I should ignore my bad vibes but on the whole I feel happy with him and sad to be apart. With my exboyfriends and exhusbands, breaking up/divorcing was unpleasant but after that I was so GLAD that those relationships ended and I'd never go back. SK's character is very different from those other men I was with. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive from when we started dating and I didn't see it. SK is very different and responds very differently to similar situations from my ex. He is also very considerate and takes what I say to him about what I need to heart. He also has invested himself with me emotionally and has made his heart vulnerable to me as well.

I still sometimes have fears, insecurities, bad gut feelings, etc, and I'd like to heal myself first as much as I can, without blaming him or losing him. In the end, if he really is a good guy as I see him, I'll be able to seperate my issues and own him. With my ex he was so cruel that it confused me so much. He was really, really emotionally abusive and I was too confused to see it was him, he blamed me and I ended up accepting that. SK doesn't do that, he does recognise when he's doing things that aren't helpful.

I know I just need to take really good care of myself.

As far as the dream and the funeral dates, my maternal grandfather died in 1969, not 1963, and my paternal grandfather died in 1973, not 1964. They were both Egyptian and my mother's family is more sophisticated than my dad's, and this would also explain the cars and the laundry. I feel that my mother's family has enriched me alot and my mother really instilled in me pride in being Egyptian wheras I have no interaction and no relationship with any of my father's family. I also believe that we can communicate with those who passed on that that my grandfathers, the family patriarchs are there for me, yet also, in my quest for individuation, I am outgrowing the old patriarchy. My dream of losing the baby and breaking up with SK disturbed me more and depressed me more than the funeral, and than having a bad gut feeling about SK once. If my gut feeling is true, it will come back again and again and wake me up and I'll have dreams that enlighten me, so if it is something in me, a fear in me, then I'll find out either way. The weird thing is that it happens on Saturdays when I am supposed to see him....and not on every Saturday. It could also be that by the end of the weak he is so stressed and in a bad mood that I pick up on his vibe that maybe its better to give him space....it might not even be a cheating vibe....and most days I feel good about being with him and I got depressed when we broke up.

Time also will tell...I just hope that inwardly I am not somehow falling apart....although the old building must be destroyed for the new and healthy to take place.....

I feel OK now. I feel also by talking to SK honestly that he knows that he can also come to me with his concerns and that he doesn't need to cheat...that he can tell me he wants to see others, because I told him that I want to see others when I didn't feel happy with him...rather than be dishonest. But we resolved it for now.

I think the dream is commenting also on what I inherited from my family. I don't understand the historical inaccuracy of the dates. That time in Egyptian history is something in textbooks as well.

Thanks Jerry, and I hope that I can find out what I need to be OK and to maintain a healthy relationship.

Even with my exes I found out eventually that they were not good for me...I think with SK I feel that everything is well but that I have some emotional baggage...I don't know I need time to figure it out. I need to work on really connecting with my gut feelings and understanding the messages they give me. I never had any bad gut feeling with my ex-husband even though he was truly abusive, violent, and dangerous. It just made me cry.

May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

May,
Let me reply to this post this weekend when I will have more time to focus on your words. I would be doing you an injustice not to give my best after you have taken the time to provide a detailed response.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Great Jerry, looking forward....

May

May,
Let's get away from the dreams for a moment and focus on SK's actions and reactions. You state you had bad vibes about him and instead of calling you he texted you. Then he didn't contact you for several days.

Examining that info gives me the impression SK may not have his heart into the relationship. Not contacting you for several days doesn't fit with what I think of as having a keen interest in the relationship. Is it he doesn't have that interested he should have, is he playing games or is it something else? Vibes aside the one thing that trumps dream possibilities are the actual actions of a person. One day he is willing to listen to you and the next he doesn't call. Is that norm for him? Is it accepted to you? Have you experienced such behavior from past bfs? Is there an emerging pattern on his part, and also yours?

"In the end, if he really is a good guy as I see him, I'll be able to separate my issues and own him".
Are there real questions as to whether he is a 'good guy'? If so are they because of your own past failed relationships with guys who turned out to be bad guys? Or is it SK? Does he give you 'ALL' that you need in a relationship? Or does he give just enough to keep you hanging on?

May, step back if at all possible and look at the situation objectively. Dreams do that, they are a third person witnessing what is really occurring without the subjective bias of your emotional self. Emotions often get in the way of what is really there. Do you have a very close friend who knows about this relationship, knows SK? Pick their brain if so. Try not to let the emotions get in the way of clear thinking. Weight all the 'evidence', be objective. If SK is the right guy, a good guy, then it will show. If not, well again don't let emotions over rule good common sense. You can not fit a square peg into a round whole.

Keep us posted. Best of luck.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 59 Murfreesboro, Tn

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

Hi May,

Gut feelings are often powerful indicators of something being not right for us. I would listen to it, question it, deeply.

When one has a history of abusive relationships, yet hopes for a healthy one, it can be very easy to blame ill feelings (bad gut feelings) on one's self and one's abusive history...and hence deny the gut feelings and what they are speaking to us in favor of following our hope for a good/healthy relationship.

Sometimes those gut feelings serve to signal us to emotional memories that still need healing. The gut response can appear when we are repeating an unhealthy pattern from our past, telling us that we are in a situation that is reminiscent of the past, and how it is adding injury to a still unhealed wound.

Sometimes, we fill our lives with the busyness of relationships because we do not like what we find within ourselves when alone (the pain, the emotional memories, the healing that needs to be done).

When a woman has an abusive history that yet needs healing, it is often very best to delay pursuits of intimate relations in favor of doing the healing that helps to develop one's own animus strength/inner masculine.

But when we try to pursue relationship while still unhealed, we will only continue to attract the same model of a mate that mirrors the condition of our wounding.

It can be a lonely time, to go it alone (in a sense), but also deeply rewarding for the inner strength that grows.

We have to truly change the inside before the outside will reflect this change.

I would trust your gut feelings/intuitions. Going against them can be like a form of self-betrayal. Honoring them may be a step in the direction of honoring your own inner masculine, the masuline part of yourself that knows your needs and how to provide for them. The part of you that knows better than another what is most important, right and not right for you.

Kristi

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43, Kansas

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes

Dear Jerry and Kristi,

I am really so grateful to both of you for your responses.

I believe that follow up dreams arrive to help clarify situations, so I posted two more dreams that I had recently, as much as I could remember.

I will wait for your reply to those dreams and take it from there.

All the best,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes