Hi All,

Me thinks it is time to come out and begin sharing some of my dreams again, in the hope of gaining greater insight. I'd sure appreciate any moments you can give to this Jerry, and others. Thank you.

Mark and the Train Track: I know that I am intending to return to or address my childhood in a new way, with a different attitude. It is night time and there are a set of railroad tracks before me. I will cross these railroad tracks. There are three lines, like power (life?) lines or electrical cords, that are laying across this set of tracks. I know that these lines will be severed by the passing freight train. With that knowing, I become aware of Mark and a young boy child. I understand that these lines belong one each to the three of us. Mark does not like these lines are lain over the tracks. I see an image of him as if embittered about this. I seem to understand that the young boy child belongs to the Mark of me, that Mark would prefer to protect him (these lines?). But the lines have been laid and I hear an inner voice (that I imagine to be some like my inner analyst) say, "Well, that is his opinion/position," or something to that effect. It is said rather matter of factly, yet also implying that while this may be Mark's opinion, I still have the choice/ability to proceed.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I will give your dream my attention Thursday morning. I have a pressing work agenda and my mental facilities are less than they need to be to properly scrutinize your dream. I know this is an important time in your life and I want to provide my best impressions.

As for the coming out. I can identify with those feelings. Taking leave of the outer world to do the 'inner work' is something that needs to be done. The 'return' can sometimes be very difficult. In the words of Joseph Campbell from the Monomyth

Campbell: "The returning hero, to complete his adventure, must survive the impact of the world. Many failures attest to the difficulties of this life-affirmative threshold. The first problem of the returning hero is to accept as real, after an experience of the soul-satisfying vision of fulfillment, the passing joys and sorrows, banalities and noisy obscenities of life. Why re-enter such a world? Why attempt to make plausible, or even interesting, to men and women consumed with passion, the experience of transcendental bliss? As dreams that were momentous by night may seem simply silly in the light of day, so the poet and the prophet can discover themselves playing the idiot before a jury of sober eyes. The easy thing is to commit the whole community to the devil and retire again into the heavenly rock dwelling, close the door, and make it fast. But if some spiritual obstetrician has drawn the shimenawa across the retreat, then the work of representing eternity in time, and perceiving in time eternity, cannot be avoided" The hero returns to the world of common day and must accept it as real.

I find Campbell's Monomyth to be a great gauge of ones journey. Not all stages are always realized but most fit. Of course there are many stages with the stage of life and trying to determine what stage is what can be confusing. I use the monomyth as a rule of thumb. It is generally very reliable.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry,

Your knowledge on Campbell is edifying. As I recorded the dream, writing the language around the train tracks, the word "threshold" did enter into my consciousness. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this dream.

Kristi

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Kristi,
Forgive me if I have missed or forgotten who the 'Mark' is in your life. The dream centers around him and the relationship with him of course would be important.

I sense this dream is focused on past and the present experiences. Here is how I see the symbols in your dream.

railroad tracks - the path you have laid out in life. The tracks laid out before you represents the process of evaluating your life. You are re-accessing the 'tracks' you have laid out in life.

3 lines laid across the tracks-emotional energies associated with Mark, the young boy and you

Electrical cords- charged emotions associated with these energies

freight train severing lines-emotional charged energies in threat of being severed {present day associations}

Awareness of Mark and young boy-emotional energies associated with the present {Mark} and the past {young boy}.
This could also be addressing developed masculine aspects {Mark} and undeveloped or developing masculine tendencies {young boy}.

Mark does not like these lines- there may be present day conflicts, literally with Mark, as well as your own developed masculine self in conflict with your past. The 'embittered' aspects may apply to either or both.

laid out lines-the that you have laid out in life, parts of which are in emotional conflict

the young boy child belongs to the Mark of me-your masculine attitudes/aspects. The conflict may be protecting these past 'unconscious' masculine attitudes. This may be what needs to be changed, the influences from childhood

The inner voice-the unconscious {dream} in dialog with self. The analyst is self analyzing {opinion/position}

the choice/ability to proceed- despite the past influences you have the ability to proceed in your goal of Individuation

The dream seems to be addressing masculine attitudes/aspects from your childhood as well as possible literal experiences with Mark {present day}. The childhood aspects may involve experiences that affected your masculine development but could also be addressing something in childhood to do with actual experiences {lesser possibility}. What ever the symbolic reference you are in the process of re-accessing those attitudes/experiences so to develop a stronger masculine self {this may be a personal weakness of the masculine aspects}. The inner voice is the unconscious dream attempting to help resolve whatever conflicts there are having to do with the masculine {past and present}.

Look at what I have provided and see where they may fit. Look to both past and present experiences since both could be in play.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 60 Murfreesboro, Tn

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Hi Jerry,

Mark is my oldest brother. There are no literal conflicts with him in present.

Mark actually lives with my parents in their home. He has for years. He did recently set out to be on his own, but returned to my parents home after a few months time. There he exists in a rather embittered state, an expression that I have perceived to be predominant since his teen years.

I think the dream is using his present predicament (and longstanding emotional predicament) to reflect an aspect of my own masculine self.

The part of me that has felt embittered by childhood betrayal. The part of me that has not been able to let go...and grow. The part of me that has not wanted to leave home, has not wanted to have my innocence raped, has not wanted to leave Eden. The part of me that has been afraid to find/trust that which sustains me in my aloneness, 'go it on my own' in the world, afraid to individuate, grow in consciousness, etc.

I've gone through quite a bit since I was last posting here and I surely feel like I have an obstetrician cutting the umbilical cord right now...that it must be cut.

Yes, highly charged emotions. And I did not write it in the dream because I was not sure if it only came to me as I was reviewing the dream (verses in my actual sleep time), but I half wanted to call the electrical lines/cords, christmas lights, though no "lights" were seen. Is probably just that I was seeing how the holiday has stirred the emotions in a powerful way.

My sense of the train right now is that it is one I cannot/will not ride any longer...in the sense that it is a train to the past...the smothering bonds of the maternal home...where one sits and looks in the mirror of broken dreams and promises, unable to turn away, unwilling to turn away...unable to accept it is in the past, unable to move on. I think this is why the lines are lain across the track to be severed.

I was interested to read your article regarding animals having souls, as (despite my having a personal belief of this from experiences with pets from my past) I had just found a dead owl days earlier, which I carried home with me. Having defeathered the owl in my kitchen, I felt like the spirit of the owl was with me, as I have felt even as I've written this letter. A big part of the owls message to me appears to be one of overcoming fear, letting go of fears, of the unkkown.

Kristi

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Kristi,
I sensed there was something personal about Mark and my first thought was a present experience. It now appears it may be an accumulation of experiences with Mark that began in childhood {return to or address my childhood}. he still lives in that home, your parents home, a connection to childhood with experiences that extend to the present day. The relationship with your masculine self is very plausible. His embittered state, your childhood with embittered emotions.

Your associations with the holiday season with the 'lights' is also plausible. The holiday season is a constant thought on every one's psyche so associations can only be assumed.
Just as with the remarkable similarities of Egyptian and Mayan pyramids, separated by thousands of miles and oceans, it was not be diffusion but the sharing of collective psyche experiences that explain the similarities.
You need not be with a person to share the energies of the holidays.

The simple death of an owl. Meaningless in the scheme of things but because you came across the owl's body it takes on new meaning. I often get the feeling that nothing is meaningless in terms of such encounters {Jung's Synchronicity}. Although life itself has no meaning other than just the being of life {Campbell's story of the Buddhist teacher's holding up a flower when asked 'what is the meaning of life'}, we find meaning in the experiences in life. The simplest of events can hold great answers to finding meaning in ones life. And as with dreams and myth, the symbolic representation of the owl can provide a literal understanding of oneself. It is the ritual, just as with Christmas and New Years celebrations {death of one year, birth of a new year, death and resurrection}, that provide meaning. What you did with the owl was a ritual. Not just for yourself but for the soul of the owl.
That is spiritual. That is the true soul.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry, and thank you,

The moment of finding the owl did have an immediate sense of meaning for me. Here is some of why:

I found the owl when on a short retreat, my intent for the retreat being that of "coming home to my heart and soul, in Christ." I've wandered into various things (as you know) since my healing journey began, but the roots of my life are Christian in the sense that the journey of Christ was the most powerful motif in my childhood, and indeed in my dreams. I came upon that owl when I took my first walk through the prairie after arriving at the retreat site. I'd had several numinous (Christ centered) dreams in the preceding week or so and there on retreat.

Also, I always had a desire/want to find an owl, ever since my vision quest with Animas Valley Institute in 2002. There, at the end of the journey, I participated in a Shamanic Drumming meditation where we were to ask for the one ally most needed at that time in our life. After coursing my way through the earth, I came up to the "top world" (as they referred to it) and "I wanted" to see an eagle, for I was comfortable with eagle, as I'd had a moving dream with an enormous eagle before. I did see an eagle soaring overhead, but that was what my ego wanted. I was just as soon turned into a thicket of woods where I found a large owl sitting on a branch right in front of my face. I was afraid of that owl, and told him/her so and why, with some few tears streaming from my eyes. The owl simply flew to and sat on my shoulder. In that moment, I felt such compassion from the owl, as if he/she "knew me," had such deep understanding. It was as if the owl way saying, "I am here, will be here, as you are ready." While I was out on that quest, before embarking on my solo journey, I made a hearty, tearful, earnest prayer, before my group and our sacrificial fire. What I gave to the fire was a family portrait. I was in the center of that portrait, my siblings all around me. My prayer: "that my path of grief and suffering be turned into one of beauty and grace." Writing all of this, just now, helps to bring more meaning/insight to all of this (and my having now found the owl) home to me. When I buried the remains of the owl's body, I did speak of all of this in my prayers to, for, of the owl, what it has meant to me. I also placed a small, beautiful fluorite egg (for new life) in the grave site with the owls body. As I made my way back to the main trails and continued on through the woods, I felt as if that owl was now all about me, only now very large, wrapping his/her wings around me as I walked. Imagination?

[bold]"Returning to"[/bold] (write/bring consciousness to) [bold]my childhood[/bold] story, which will be very healing for me, I must do it from love, acceptance, compassion. I think owl is here to help me.

I am going to post a follow on dream from this one wtih Mark.

Kristi

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