I was back at this house where I had been molested as a toddler. It wasn't really that house, but it was in my dream and it was bringing out a lot of bad feelings. Scariness, fear, pain and living there was the grown up son and his family of the one who molested me.

The house had a bright light shining into it that kept drawing my eyes. Like an overexposed photo, it was the sun shining into the back door. He had two daughters. I knew he was molesting them. I called a hotline and everyone was mad I turned him in. I said it was not the cops, I won't call the cops but you need therapy. I felt bad for him because he had been touched by his dad too. We went out to the front porch and put our arms around each others shoulders side by side and whispered.

His family was watching us but we were focused just on each other, every thing else was gone.

He pulled memories from me. I didn't want him to. One memory he pulled was his dad putting a cookie up my bottom and making me eat it. It was very painful, I did not like it.. I tried to push it back down but he wouldn't let me. He said that I need to allow my memories out. He was crying from his memories which I partially already knew/remembered without realizing it.

I don't remember how it ended. Just that I gave him a hug and promised I wouldn't call the cops but that he needed therapy to deal with it and then I told his wife/gf about our past and about how he was likely to repeat the cycle so that she needed to be extra vigilant with him and her daughters.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 26 USA

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Robin,
This is an unusually straightforward dream in that it 'seems' to spell out in literal terms the abuse you experienced as a toddler. Let's examine the dream and see if the 'seemingly' literal terminology is that literal, or if it is the dream providing insights to the unconscious in a form that only seems to be literal.

One important question I do have, was the abuse as a toddler something you remember or an experience someone told you about later on? If it is a memory where there has been therapy that helped bring out the memories of abuse then that owuld help explian such early memories. Children usually begin to form memories between the ages of 3 to 4 years old since prior to this age children do not have the cognitive or language skills to process and store events as memories. Earlier memories have been recorder in some children at the ages of two years. But most early age memories are lost. So it is important, at least for me, to know the circumstances to why you have memories at such an early age. If therapy has been a part of that process it would be important to understand how that fits in with 'memories' of past abuse.

As I stated, this is a dream that seemingly uses straight forward language to address the abuse. Dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor and it is not usual for dreams to be so straight forward in its language. The opening sentences could be symbolic of you having an 'opening up' to unconscious contents {the house is you}, your eyes being a conduit between unconscious and conscious. The over exposure photo may be the continuous conscious exposure to unconscious memories {sun shining through back door} which would be a positive {sun shining} since it is important to remember the past so you can confront any unresolved emotional conflicts. There may be something new in this statement. Does the 'two daughters' fit somewhere with these past experiences, something that pertains to your past? This could be important, and may be symbolic.

The 'turning him in' could represent 'turning inward' psychologically so to be understand these traumatic experiences. This may be about your own masculine qualities {animus}. 'His needing therapy' may be a statement about what you need to help overcome the emotional conflicts involved with past experiences of abuse {dreams are therapeutic-they help resolve emotional conflicts}. What experienecs with a therapist have you had? Is that continuing? Is it an off and on thing?

The part about being 'touched by his dad too'. Does that have any meaning to you that lends itself to your personally life? Th touching may be symbolic of something other than sexual abuse {it could be doing both}. The touching may represent the masculine aspect being awakened, a positive sign. It could also be a literal expression of past experiences. Look at this part of the dream and see where it may fit. The son may be a part of your animus as much as it is a real person. There may be two issues {two daughters} being addressed, two different experiences, both needing to be embraced to understand the full context of the past experiences.

But it could merely be a shared experience and nothing more. That is why it is important to understand whether the dream language is being literal or symbolic. It could be both with the literal parts being limited. If so then there is more than just the shared experience {both you and the boy being abused}. It would be pointing to something other than an actual experience by the boy {the dream is about you and not the boy-so that would point to to your own experiences also}. The boy would be masculine aspects you possess, or need to possess or utilize.

The 'pulling of memories from you' seems to fit with a recent actual experience in your life. Is there a male in your present life who is helping you with the past abuse? Are you under therapy by a male psychologist? Not 'wanting him to' perform this act is a natural defence by the conscious mind, not wanting to remember painful events from the past. The one painful memory, pulling the cookie from your bottom, may be symbolic. It may represent something you have yet to focus on from your past, a memory so painful you do not wish to bring it out {repression of the past}. You want to push back into the unconscious but the therapist, if there is one, wants to bring it out.

Let's also look at the 'therapist', as a masculine aspect, being a part of your own therapeutic mechanism. Instead of a real therapist it would be that inner self, the unconscious dream, that is providing therapy {it could be both, a real therapist and your own inner therapist}. His crying suggest this possibility, he being your masculine self. It could be you do need therapy and should seek it out if you are not currently under therapy by a trained professional. The repeating of the cycle could be a reference to some aspect about you and your life. What cycle do you tend to repeat?

After looking at a seemingly dream with literal language we can see it may not be so after all. There would be real past experiences of abuse but the language is not just addressing those experiences but something deeper, something that has yet to be addressed. Could it have to do with the need for therapy? There are masculine aspects involved which represent masculine aspects you possess or need to utilize. This may be the true intent of the dream. You know of the past experiences of abuse but have you done all you need to do to resolve the painful emotional conflicts? The cycle that I mentioned may have to do with this aspect, needed therapy to help resolve emotional conflicts.


The hug could be hugging yourself because you are gaining strength to face the emotional conflicts from your past. That could be important in that you are ready to finally confront those aspects you have yet to address involving the past. This would be a masculine quality, the male within having the strength to go forward and make progress.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

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Jerry,

Thank you for the input. It really helps to focus my thoughts.

To answer a few of your questions I have one memory of sexual abuse from when I was four. It was his teenage son, he would play house with me and we would 'make the baby' if you know how I mean. In this memory I feel it's 'normal', I know it happened to me more than once and by his father too. I do not remember what his dad did to me because it wasn't a game, like with the boy. It was aggressive and scary. I had a dream once but I know that was a real memory of him pushing his finger into me and me having to run to the bathroom and pee afterward. I had the impression from him that I would be the one in trouble for it. That's why I had to run with my pants around my ankles because my mom had just gotten home, and he put fear in me that I was bad. I still feel this to today, that I am bad and junk.

I had been to a therapist once but we did not talk about it.

In the dream his son was my age, not older like in real life. He didn't look like him either from what I could tell. The two girls may have been my sister and I, as she was also abused though she has no memory of it at all. She is 14 months younger than me.

Recently my husband has been accused of touching my niece. I know it didn't happen. I was there all the time. My niece is growing up in a rough environment, someone did touch her. This is a very hard time for myself and my family. In Michigan you do not need physical evidence to be convicted of sex crimes and so all we can do is plead my husband down. I feel like it is my worst nightmare. Like my abuse is coming back to haunt me now by taking my husband away and someone hurting my niece. She really misses me too, but because of the circumstances she is being kept from me.

I am not a pedophile but I sometimes would feel sexual arousal at my own abuse which is NORMAL for abuse victims. I use to feel really dirty and bad for that but now I know it is a common reaction, how one cope's with it. I know I should seek therapy, I am scared of what I'll discover.

The cycle I continue is being verbally and physically abusive to my husband the way my dad was to my mom. I know that and I continue to try and put a stop to that. I do not want to be that person, but that was not brought up in the dream at all.

I've always felt there was a memory there but that it was hidden, and I don't know if I want to see what it is.

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Robin,
I appreciate the detailed response. It provides insights not only to your dream but also why you had the dream. And to the underlying causes for your behavior today.

The circumstances you are under regarding your husband and niece is likely bringing back early life experiences. And since much of that remains unresolved the fears and anxieties are only multiplied. Unfortunately much of the personality problems you are experiencing, the behavior toward your husband, will probably continue until you resolve the deep unconscious emotional conflicts from your childhood. Having experienced physical abuse was a terrible experience but having come from a dysfunctional family adds to your own dysfunctional personality {I came from similar dysfunctional circumstances in childhood and it had unconscious control of my life until I resolved the issues in my 40s}. With all that is occurring with other personal problems in your life there is real reason to be concerned about your mental state of being. Life can be cruel.

If you are not able to get psychological counseling I suggest you try to break the cycle you mentioned in relationship with your husband. This is something you are aware of, have a knowledge why it is and so you have some control over your actions. It will hard, terribly hard but the efforts will prove beneficial. One step at a time and the first step will be self therapy. Self therapy is how I overcame my unconscious impulses, using Jung's Individuation Process. It probably is not a good time to dwell on that process but finding control, learning to discipline yourself with those negatives you know exist in your personality is a good first step. Undoubtedly it will help with the relationship with your husband as well as your family. Part of the system of Individuation, self discipline leading to positive results in other aspects of life, is when you take corrective actions on your own it influences the positive forces within the realm of your existence. In other words, when you discipline yourself to overcome those negative traits {abusive attitude toward your husband} you change the vibrations of cause and effect. If your life is full of negative attitudes you can expect only negative things to happen to you {which is natural since the negatives are something you caused and most likely will cause in the future}. Changing those attitudes will naturally change the 'karma'. Although some believe karma to be fiction it is actually part of the natural law of cause and effect. So, by changing your actions toward your husband you not only change the 'energies' of time and space in your life, you also take a big step in resolving those unconscious influences from your childhood that are the greatly responsible for why you act toward him as you do. Of course seeking psychological counseling to help resolve those early life issues is what needs to be done. Plus, breaking that cycle may be important to your own children since much of what they do in later life stems from those early life influences/experiences, just as they did with you {and every mortal soul that dwells this earth}.

Take control of your life with that first step. It will take some time and great effort but I have the experience from life to know it will work. It is up to you to take that first step. And the second and third. But with each step I believe you will see an improvement in your life. What do you have to lose?

Good luck, and be positive. That is very important, not letting the negatives take control.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 Murfreesboro, Tn.

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes