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Re: My 3 Selves

Jerry,

I too find it amazing that I simply can’t find that particular dream in my records, which are otherwise meticulously dated and filed in an orderly manner. The reason I remember it so well is because I had a coaching session with a mentor at that time and I recounted the dream to her so I could work on it.

I have looked for that dream for literally hours and I still can’t find it. I’m starting to think that I must’ve dreamed it in another year altogether but used it for my coaching because it was so disturbing to me. I will just have to continue to look.

Directions in dreams are always very prominent and specific for me. Maybe it’s because I’ve studied the Four Directions, used them in workbooks I wrote, and I incorporated them in my own spiritual practice as well. My present Goddess-Shamaness studies/spiritual practice also embrace the earth’s cardinal points in a very meaningful way.

Of course in any dream the primary message is of an unresolved emotional conflict.

West for me is the place of introspection, learning and diving into the darkness/unconscious to uncover psyche’s treasures. In this dream, I am definitely being shown something important from my unconscious – the revelation that the abuser was still “with” me. I needed to see this and take this on board as very significant knowledge.

The emotional issues are unresolved and the first thing the physical mind wants to do is stay with it was brought up with. A negative pattern that has to be broken before wholeness can be realized. That is what you have finally done. Divorced your abuser, started on the real path of resolving your childhood abuse.

How does one resolve such a conflict? You say by breaking the negative pattern. Is this what I’ve done by leaving? Somehow I have a feeling that it’s not as simple as that...

I’ve moved away, came back home to Canada, and am now living close to where I was brought up, about 20 miles away. Occasionally I see him, the man who abused me that whole summer. Though I’ve worked on this wound for years, I feel there is yet more to be done. But what? I ask myself. Working on dreams is good, but it’s a slow, tedious process, I find.

So I’m writing a book and that seems to assuage the demons a bit. It’s a double-edged sword, though, as I know I need to work on and write about it. When I do, I invariably feel better for having done so. But it’s also a hard, painful process that I have a tendency to put off, ignore and ‘forget’ until the 2X4 hits me in the face again. Like the dream of the 3 Selves.

It’s as if my inner little girl will not let me rest until I have totally told her story, and put it out there. I’ve been fighting with this realisation for years! Sure I want to write a book, doesn’t everyone? Is this my persona (or ego) trying to make itself look all la-dee-da, look at me, I wrote a book on abuse.

I don’t want it to be about only the abuse. That is definitely not what my life is only about! This journey that is mine has been filled with pain, yes, but also multiple joys of integrating my unconscious knowledge and learning about psyche, about complexes, and how to heal them. Above all, I want to heal this one.

I had my share of addictions like you, Jerry, and I don’t want to be doomed to continue repeating the same psychic patterns until I die. I know the void, and she is my little girl’s need for validation and love. You are writing about me when you say this, it’s true.

Your life of running is like mine. In my marriages when I could find happiness it was because of the void from childhood. Thinking it was with someone else, or something else, my addiction was sexual. A lot of these patterns work themselves out but it is not until what the void is that we can resolution and true harmony in life. We all have addictions and most often it is from early life experiences/influences. These influences don't make you do it but they are so strong the least bit of temptation will cause the pattern to continue throughout life, until resolved.

It’s the process of healing, isn’t it? It can’t happen overnight and it’s not a fell swoop thing, but each dream, each insight generated, each emotional quake, all serve to bring some peace, some piece to the puzzle.

Thank you, Jerry. Your intuitive gift has helped me a lot.

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Re: My 3 Selves

Raymonde,
I use my education in Campbillian mythology to address many of the directions and numbers in dreams. West is the direction of adventure and in our true lives that is what we seek. Not what society dictates but what the soul longs for. Of course in Jungian psyche four is the number for wholeness and nine is associated with that as the feminine source of knowing. It is amazing how dreams use these numbers and directions as symbol and metaphor in dreams. And although we never say there is a concrete fixed meaning I see a lot of consistency in numbers and directions. Even when dealing with personal issues of emotional conflicts, beyond the archetypal applications we would normally apply them to. I believe there is an archetypal influence on all dream images, what is not archetypal approaches in many instances a 'universal' application. For instance a house in a dream is always either symbolic of the dreamer or related to the dreamer in a very personal way. "I was in my mother's house" would be speaking to the relationship with the mother and since the dream is about the dreamer then it is a personal house. I find there is little deviation from this concept and when I use it in an interpretation I get a positive response.

About breaking the negative pattern. If it requires leaving your husband to resolve the issues, yes, that is what needs to be done. You are in a loveless marriage, one that likely was unconsciously assimilated to 'fulfill the abusive' nature you experienced as a child. You are punishing yourself eternally and one of the results is to marry an abusive person. You have to end that pattern.

About the man who abused you. He needs to be held accountable. I did not know this was something that continued in your life, still in contact with him. I can see also in your last posted dream where there may be a message about this {I will take another look at the dream and see where it may fit in}. Just as with the abused children in the Catholic church, a complete healing could not take place until one, it was brought out into the open and two, those who perpetrated the deeds were held accountable.

Another aspect to your last dream that may have an explanation in this post is about writing your book and it having a double edged sword. You ARE consciously and rightfully dealing with the demons by expressing it. As with my self expression through Myths-Dreams-Symbols I was able to see what is actually within me that needs expression. I did not have the physical abuse you experienced by the psychological abuse was something that had to be let out. You must tell her story as you said. This is how great literary works come about. They are often personal stories or taken from personal experiences. Beyond your creative self you are having to address the painful aspects of the abuse. Once again I can see where this applies to your last dream where you are having to force yourself to write. Delete, no add to, what I said about my personal experiences and apply your own inability to write this stuff down because the pain involved. This fits much better and I can see where it is applicable. You do not want it to be about the abuse although it is. It is your way of expressing yourself and in terms of bliss that is what you desire most. Not only about the abuse but also the inner self that seeks expression through creativity and spirituality.

It is a process of healing. It takes time but more importantly it takes an understanding of what causes the void within. For so many years I never knew what it was until I started my own inward search. It is first and foremost psychological. Once I identified what it was that drove me to act the way I did in my early adulthood I was able to put it in its place and move on. I broke the cycle of a 'dead beat dad' by making sure my son never experienced that. But I lacked my own healing and that was not possible until I went inward psychologically and discovered it was my dad's fault I never received the love and acceptance we all require. It is imprinted on the psyche of all animals. It did not make me do it but its energies so strong it pushed me to be as I was. And because of my stunted childhood it was logical to take the easy path and use something addictive in its place. These are common patterns of behavior and common themes in our dreams.

From what I can see you have taken large steps in breaking your pattern. By continuing to express yourself through your book and other creative aspects you will soon resolve those remaining issues. I said confronting the abuser is the way to go and it is likely true. But circumstances only you can know about should be taken into account. It may be something that is totally necessary. I never confronted my dad so there are ways around it. I decided to ignore him. He died a few years ago and I did not attend his funeral or give second thought to it. But i still at times grieve for that little boy as you do for your little girl. It can still be powerful emotions but they are fleeting. Now I have other resources to support me. I've changed my mold of thinking and that is how you change. If what you are thinking is painful you need only change what you are thinking about. Easier said than done but essential if there is to be wholeness in life.


Jerry The God Within You A Prayer For You




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Re: My 3 Selves

Jerry,
You are the first person to affirm that I must write this book and that my abuser must be made accountable. I don’t feel I want to confront him directly and in person, but in putting the book out there for people to read, people who both know me and also know him, I am confronting him, first in my psyche and secondly, in an indirect, but very public way.

All I can say for now is Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! for your continued help.

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Re: My 3 Selves

Raymonde,
Confronting in your book will be great therapy. I would never question your decision not to confront him directly. But i do have question. If you abused you could he have done it to others? Perhaps instead of confronting him it would be wise to let someone in authority to know he does have these tendencies. Give it some thought, talk to others close to the situation and see what they think.


Jerry The God Within You A Prayer For You




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Re: My 3 Selves

Jerry,

I appreciate your concern as I have had over 50 years to think of exactly what you mention. I have spoken with my friends, who know the situation, but I have never come up with a definite answer as to whether it would serve any purpose in initiating a confrontation. What would be my motive? my intent?

This secret of mine has eaten away at me for decades. The courage to 'do something about it' has eluded me and kept me from living a full-on, normal life, and it still to a certain extent, haunts me.

In coming here to talk truthfully and openly about my dreams, which I have never done in my life, I am doing something about it in the only way that the frightened little girl in me knows how. By taking small steps, being open to what my dreams mean, being helped by you, and writing about it in my book.

That is all I can do for now.

This is stirring up some really disturbing stuff and all day I have kept busy trying not to think about it. But... I don't want to stop the seeking and the growing.

I have been asking Goddess for a breakthrough. Well, I got it!
Now, if only I can stick with it. :)

Hope your talk/presentation goes well!
Raymonde

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Re: My 3 Selves

Raymonde,
I appreciate your openness and willing to share. Healing is the primary goal in interpreting dreams and you know better than anyone letting it out is therapeutic. Continuing to observe and interpret your dreams can help to stay a steady course and let you know where you are in your journey. I had a recent experience that demonstrates the importance of interpreting our dreams throughout life. Here is that experience.

Since moving to Florida from Tennessee I have remembered more of my dreams without any great intent. I know the process in how to remember dreams but have not instituted any practice to do so. But I do I believe dreams take on a greater energy in those times when it is imperative to remember them. This dream is a great example of those energies. And as is all dreams it had to do with my journey and the emotional energies related to it and my life.

My most recent concern may seem insignificant on the surface but in reality it has to do with the reasons I moved. That reason is to live my life to its fullest and at the same time share what I have learned about dreams. When I first arrived my energies were strictly on the sharing, taking great pains to set up dream classes, and neglecting the other {my websites which we have discussed and being retired and not having to do anything I don't wish to do}. Then fate intervened {from an experience of an odd kind that came from out of the blue} and I realized I was again overloading myself and creating an imbalance. I had a dream My Dream: Cutting the Grass that confirmed the events and clarified what my original intent and desire was. The unusual aspect of remembering the dream 30 minutes after I had awoke and not immediately after waking said to me, "this is something the dream wants you to remember and interpret because it is important". Of course the dream fit with my life, recent events as well as deeper aspects, but the fact it come up as it did convinced me it did so because it was so important for me to interpret it. I was able to do so {although I magnified the interpretation after I looked at it several times over} without difficulty and understand the message of what I was doing in my waking life. I was overloading one important aspect while neglecting another {actually two others}. Because of the dream and the 'fateful' incident I have altered my course and will spend more time on my websites {where I can reach many more souls} as well spend more time 'being retired'. This event once again demonstrated for me the power and importance of our dreams.

I am interested about how your future dreams play out. Having undergone an important realization and being a person who understands the power of dreams, I see future dreams being even more helpful. It is wonderful to be able to work with someone who has the knowledge and experience with Jungian psyche, and willingness to share, because it makes it easier to learn from your dreams. I look forward to future dream posts.


Jerry The God Within You A Prayer For You




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Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 62 Space Coast, Fla.

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