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friend's dream


My friend tells me that's she's having dreams about her ex-boyfriend. She's finding it disturbing, since she doesn't think of him at all, neither she has any remorse... I decided to post here (with her knowledge) hoping to get some help for her.

Some background :Over 30 years ago she was dating a guy for 2 years and a half. She decided to break up with him when she found out he's flirting with other girl. He continue with that other girl, they become a couple, he got her pregnanat and they got married. It wasn't a happy marriage. In spite of everything he was still in love with my friend. She didn't have same feelings for him (that's why it was easy for her to brake up). The guy died young, it was accident in work place.

Now, over 30 years later he's frequently coming into her dreams, it's always similar - they meet, go somewhere, the guy seems to be very happy.
In last dream she and him went to his apartment. She saw there three very small kids - his kids. Took one of the kids into her arms and ask him: So many kids? Financial situation is so unstable and you have so many kids?
He just smiled and said: That's ok.

Re: friend's dream

A short dream. But no dream is simple. You will better understand this after I provide an analysis.

Because the age of the dreamer is important when analyzing a dream I take it your female friend is at least in her mid-to late 40s since it has been 30 years since she dated him. From that perspective I see these two possibilities as to what the unconscious dream is attempting trying to communicate to her conscious self. Both may apply but one would likely being the prime topic that is still an emotional conflict. All dreams have at least two meanings/applications with one usually being the primary focus of the dream.

The first would likely fit if she has had recent contact with him and/or been giving a lot of thought to the past relationship.

The apartment would be one aspect of her self/life associated with him {past relationship}. The three kids would represent aspects about the relationship that she saw as immature/childish/under developed qualities {aspects about him}. She 'embraced' or took one one this aspects as important in particular. But there were many negative things about the relationship to choose from. One particular important aspect would be the financial situation. Or if not actual financial then security issues {she did not feel secure with him or some aspect of insecurities}. Her true feelings were/are, he has this one big 'kid' aspect among many.

This could have been how she felt when the relationship ended, unconsciously if not consciously. It would probably definitely be how she feels now looking back at the relationship.

The end of the dream 'he' was smiling, a positive attitude she has developed toward him, and now everything is OK. This may suggest she is finally resolving any emotional conflicts that remained from her past relationship.

The second possibility, and one that could apply along with the first since the first would be related to the second {I'll explain after I give the second possibility}.

This would be about herself, her own childhood experiences. Her ex-bf would be an animus, her masculine aspects. he is a part of her masculine self, or past experiences to do with masculine qualities and or persons. The three kids would incomplete aspects she possesses {in Jungian psyche three represents not quite complete, the number 4 representing wholeness}. There would be 'masculine' aspects in her early life {ex representing from her past} that made her feel 'incomplete'. Such unresolved emotional feelings extend into adulthood, until they are resolved. There was one aspect about her early life that was lacking. Either the financial situation she grew up in and/or feelings of insecurity as a child. The financial situation, if real, could lead to insecurities. But she could have had insecurities even if the financial situation wasn't bad.

Again the last part may suggest what ever the unresolved emotional conflicts that are from her past {dreams are about the emotions and one primary purpose of dreams is to help resolve those issues}. Everything is OK, emotionally.

Explanation of one having to do with the other. There is a possibility early life experiences to do with financial/insecurities helped shaped her opinion later in life. What we learn from childhood is the primary foundations our lives are built on. One could have to do with the other, an explanation in itself as why dreams have more than one meaning/application.
In other words the dream was about 'financial' aspects. Either literal and/or metaphorical {financial symbolic of security/insecurities}. Two applications with possibly two meanings in each. Dreams will do that.

I know this is a friend's dream but I would appreciate a response to the analysis after you give it to her. It could a classic dream in it does address two possibilities as well as two applications to the symbols. Every dream is a learning experience and I am always looking for 'classic' dreams that possess particular structure. Please provide a response.


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Re: friend's dream

Thank you Jerry very much for your in-depth analysys.

I passed this to my friend already.

It's difficult to interpret such personal stuff like dreams when someone knows very little about other person's life aspects, I imagine. As for her age - she's 55 y.o.

Your first possible interpretation does not apply here, I'm affraid, as my friend says she doesn't think about ex boy-friend at all, she has no remorse, no sentiments for him at all. That's also the reason she finds him coming into her dreams as something strange and disturbing. No contact with him neither, as he died also 30 years ago in his twenties, in accident in workplace. It was few years after they separated. My friend doesn't even visit his grave.

As for her financial situation during childhood years, she says even it wasn't that great, it wasn't too bad neither. She says that a missing aspect in her childhood was her father. Even her father was living in the same house, he spent very little time with her. Didn't pay much attention to her or her mother, as the father had a mistress and spent most of his time in mistress house. So his time, affection and feelings he gave to the mistress, not to own family.

I hope my feedback gives some clarity. Don't know if this changes anything regarding my friend's dream interpretation.
Thank you!

Re: friend's dream

I appreciate the response. It helps me gauge not only my analysis but also the applications. experiences is the greatest teacher and there is something to be learned from every dream.

As for this dream. Short dreams are harder to analyze because there is so little offered by the dream. But normal dreams aren't all that complicated, even though I only know the age and gender of the dreamer {both are important}.

As for the first possibility. Unconsciously we often do not realize how our past affects the present. If the focus is on childhood {which seems likely from your response}, there could still be emotional energies at work in the 'back of the mind'to do with her ex. this is why Jung suggested all dreams have more than one 'topic' that needs clarity. Usually in dreams there is a focus on one primary emotional issue with a secondary but related issue related in some manner. At her age, normally it is the deeper issues {early life} that are being addresses. i wouldn't dismiss the aspects about her ex-bf the dream because he was in the dream. Much of his presence would have to do with insecurities related to early life relationships with her dad {masculine aspects} but there may be associations of one to the other. Because he was in the dream and used as a animus figure, that alone suggests a need for a deeper examination of the associations. Jungian concepts about this aspect of dreams have become standard because such theories have withstood the test of time {where Freudian theory has not}. In my study of dreams I too find this to be true. Of course to find the real reason for the dreams there would need to be a deeper examination of your friend's psyche {ology}. A series of dreams is how a trained Jungian psychologist would discover the true unconscious energies {emotional conflicts}.

The end of the dream did end with a positive. Most dreams are about negative emotional aspects. If there has any thoughts about him {you state he still had feelings for her which could suggest possible continuing emotions} the unconscious could be pointing to a resolution of some kind. The dream did end with a positive. The 'he' that was smiling would be her animus and the OK would indicate a resolution.

The one thing that holds true in the first possibility {a positive resolution} would hold true in the primary focus of the dream. If not a resolution then a note she is close to or working toward a positive resolution. That is a good sign.

The second possibility involving financial aspects would be about security issues, if not financial then insecurities due to the lack of a positive relationship with her father. My wording 'financial/insecurities was meant to be one and/or the other {meaning possibly one of the two but possibly both}. The insecurities experienced in childhood are 'logged' into the psyche and remain there as influencing factors {unconscious} until they are resolved. I see this often and had a dream just last week there were the same daughter/father issues. It actually goes deeper than just the early life physical experiences, the innate imprintation of archetypal having an influence also. But that is something to be addressed at another time {you/she can read my link to get an understanding of those energies}.

With the additional info you have provided the dream could be addressing those issues to do with her father, the insecurities due to the lack of a positive father role model in early life. A 'golden rule in analysis is dreams mean what they say {symbolically and metaphorically}, so her going toe her ex-bf' apartment means she has gone to 'a part' of herself {apartment} that has associations to do with her ex-bf. What she saw there was 'kids'. That could symbolize immaturity, or could be addressing undeveloped animus aspects she possesses because she did not have that father relationship. What I see in this statement is there could be qualities possessed by her father and ex-bf. The three kids could represent the incompleteness I mentioned {daughter/father relationship}. Another place to look {as well as the incompleteness application} is to how many siblings were in the family? Where there three 'kids' in her family? ALWAYS more than one application, not only to every dream but also every image. It could apply.

The last part of the dream could be a direct statement about 'families'. If he had a mistress then he had more than one life. 'Financial situation is so unstable and you have so many kids?' Financial, and insecurities as a part of her masculine identity, are unstable, so many kids {the symbolism of that having the possibilities I've mentioned, and possibly literal}.

In summary, and at the age of 55, I would think she is 'looking back' {unconsciously if not consciously} at her life. The dream is helping her with those unresolved issues from early life. This is standard stuff when you are in the mid-life years {35-55}. If it is not a conscious thing then it is an unconscious event and is played in our dreams. Dreams seek to help resolve emotional conflicts, it is nature's tool to help sort through the emotional baggage we accumulate. Just as the body has the immune system, the mind has the dream. There could be very well be associations to do with her father and ex-bf, similar associations of some type. But the primary focus is likely about her father. If she has other dreams have her either give them to you or have her post them {best that she post them since everything within the dream needs to be looked at}. It is from a series of dreams we find the true intent. If there are still unresolved issues then there will be more dreams about whatever the issues are.


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