Zach'riel,
The ritual would be acting out impulsively/emotionally. These impulses are generated by unconscious mechanisms brought about from early life experiences and influences as well as unmet requirements of the natural psyche {archetypal influences}. That is what would be self defeating. As for interest in magic, the magic you see performed is not magic, its illusion. Magic is metaphysical, beyond the physical. Real magic is merely discovering things unknown, something that seems to come out of no where, seems to be magical but which has actually been there all the time. If it is not there then it can not come about. The magic is realizing what you wish for is within you, bringing that out and utilizing it. It is in realty a physical truth but because we don't understand it we think of as metaphysical.
Everything that is true falls within the laws of nature.

The hero path is applicable in life. I have been following that path for 20+ years. It is what mythology is all about, the hero/heroine path/journey of self discovery through the trials and revelations in life. But more than being a physical journey it is a psychological journey. It is being able to understand what the path is in your life and then applying it and living by it. It is creative and spiritual, but most of all it is psychological. Your path is your psychology, the reason why you are who you are and discovering that, and resolving what is not in balance. Doubts about being capable do not just come about. There are reasons for it, unconscious motivations that cause the doubts. Discovering those and resolving the issues behind them will remove the doubts. again, it is psychological.

The she you see in your dreams represent two things. One is your anima, your feminine aspects. The 'she' is the most powerful aspect you can discover. More powerful than god because it is 'she' who gives birth to all things. Creativity and spirituality are 'she' things. Jesus lived from the 'she/feminine' whereas god live from the masculine. That is why we have wars and not WWJD. You have to learn to balance the feminine and masculine to survive life, but with the feminine in the lead, not the masculine. Most let the masculine lead and when that happens the 'she' loses, as she did in your dream.

The other application is a 'she' in your actual waking life. Look at relationship issues. And possible mother issues {she protected you}. Dreams as well as all dream symbols have at least two applications. One is the inner and the outer, waking life issues that affect you when you have the dream. The inner issues are what are at the core of the outer issues. Refusal of the call is refusal to recognize the inner and living purely from the emotional, materialistic, ego centered self. The death and resurrection of Jesus on the cross is what has to happen to the ego. Taken literally you become confused. Applying it metaphorically {as in dreams and myth} then you see how it fits. Death to the ego self and a rebirth/resurrection to the spiritual/creative being.

So, if you take time to learn who you are by self analyzing your whole life you will see things that you never knew were there. It is called the inner journey. It is the real magic in life. Once you go inward you learn to look at things differently. The outer self is illusionary because it is so materialic and ego oriented. The reality is your own psychology, the reasons who you are and what motivate your outer self to do as it does. Discover the inner and the outer will change.

You may want to read my pages on Joseph Campbell. That is where I began my journey 20+ years ago and through his articulation of Jungian philosophy how I learned what my bliss was. I've been following that path ever since and is why you are able to post your dreams at this Dream Forum and receive an interpretation {I am the webmaster of my websites as well as the interpreter of dreams}. It is my creative/spiritual self you see. My true self.


Jerry

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