Zelkova,
I appreciate the response to my analysis. I clears up a couple of things I felt but was not sure of. In particular was how you felt about 'motherhood' vs career. And also the role of your father in your life. There were a lot of mixed signals that were thrown at you as a child and those experiences become unconscious stimuli for personality traits and actions as an adult. Sorting through all the early life experiences is important since it is those influences that shape who you are today.

From your response I gather the conflicts are two fold. One is the motherhood vs childhood decisions. Your mother instincts are strong {as they should be , not only naturally but from the influence of your mother}. But so are the early life experiences with your father. His being controlled by his mother was something you experienced even as a young child {a developing mind soaks in the environment around them and can be a strong influence in later life}. This alone present a conflict. A nurturing mother sending signals vs a father dominated by his mother, unable to step out on his own. Is this something you are now facing? A strong motherhood inclinations and desires vs having a career but with fears to step out on your own? His lack of fortitude probably cause a weak animus in your personality in many instances but not all. You possess a strong determination {a masculine aspect} despite your childhood/father influences. It is understandable since there were so many mixed signals from your childhood.

There also may be a mistrust of men, if not consciously then unconsciously because of your father relationship. That along with how your mother responded to your father's weak personality is another example of the mixed signals. These be unconscious motivators for personality traits as an adult. On one hand is the good mother/bad father and yet a signal from your mother that doesn't fit. Your strong motherhood inclinations are diluted by the mixed signals from your mother toward your father. This is the passive/aggressive attitude of your mother you mentioned in your response. That along with your father's escapism into alcohol and verbal abusive would naturally present a conflict about both fatherhood/men and the role if the wife {who has strong natural motherhood inclination}. Not having a good father to guide your path, along with a mother who is good at motherhood but not as a wife leaves you in a mixed position. If you look at your situation today you may see this {something you already have sensed}. It may have left you with a sense about men that is not positive which may have an influence in your attitude of not wanting a relationship. Your personality and position in life as an adult is a mixture of those early life experiences/influences and has left you in limbo.

What to do is not easily defined. The better you understand these unconscious motivations the better prepared you will be to confront them and find a resolution. My remedy {from my own mixed up life from childhood} has been Jung's Individuation Process, self therapy. Not everyone is capable of this personal journey but I sense you have the capabilities to understand the difficult course. What finally determines success is the discipline in navigating the many layers of the psyche to reach the depths where truth lies. Beyond that my suggestion is to 'rerouting, organization and planning, perseverance and sustained effort to do what I truly am good at'.

Jerry

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