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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Heh. Thanks. Sorry for posting so many. >.> They've been on my mind.

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Rawrz,
Not a problem. I'll look at these dreams a little later in the day. Then after we have discussed these you can post another dream. I do ask you not to post too many especially on days when the forum is busy.
Thanks,

Jerry

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

I will need to take a deeper insepction f your dreams later. I had to tend to personal stuff this morning. I have a full day of work Saturday so it will be Sunday when I will do so.
A couple of questions for clarifyication. What is Tekes affair?
Who is Brooke?

I do sense a pattern of deep emotional conflict in the dreams. In your waking life your emotions are probably 'driving' you to a great extent. There are issues probably to do with early life experiences/influences that have become motivators for personality issues as an adult. Possibly to do with inferiority issues and/or fitting in. Something, emotional issues, are chasing you.

A little information about your early life will be helpful. Also where you are located, the state you live and country you grew up.

Jerry

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Rawrz,
I will focus on a couple of the dreams that seem to point to the overall issues related to the other dreams. The first one is about Brook {Dec 5}. I start with this one because you noted it seems to be the recurring theme in your dreams.

Interpretation
Recreating deep unconscious aspects/emotions that are dormant. Emotions to do with feminine aspects above everything else {unconscious emotions that play out in waking life relationships}. End of feminine aspects have caused an emotional conflict both internally and externally. It has turn your life upside down and it threatens your conscious attitudes/life. An inner conflict you are making worse {likely due to unconscious motivators you do not control}. One that needs to be ended but you can not/will not do that. These are unconscious motivations that you consciously play out. You do not have enough emotional energies to endure these attitudes/issues. It leaves you dead inside and a lack of real emotions on the outside.

My sense is this dream is pointing to deep emotional issues that have a lot of bearing on your conscious attitudes.



July 24th Dream

There are 'higher learning aspects' that need to be made conscious {unconscious info}. It is a bridge between unconscious and conscious understanding. Earlier life issues that leave you wandering with the reasoning in your life. Consciously you live your life as normal but there is a need to take a deeper look at motivating factors.

The Asian n the dream may have to do with personal associations with Asians. Asians are foreigners and in that context it would represent unknown qualities about yourself. Qualities you shrug off {unconscious aspects that you consciously do not recognize}. To bring these unconscious issues to consciousness would cause a conflict of the ego {the ego tends to resist unconscious contents that would cause conscious conflict}. These are unconscious energies you are unaware of, can not see. It causes certain aspect of your waking life that stalls personal growth.

There is a healing required of unconscious issues. These are issues that are aggressively causing conscious conflicts. And they are growing. You are able to dodge the inner issues but the claws they possess are consciously becoming a problem. These emotional issues are becoming more and more a conscious influence you have little or no control over.



I believe the recurring message of your dreams is the unconscious motivators that are controlling your waking life. These would likely come from early life experiences/influences. A part of the dream from the Feb. 24 dream {the entertaining dream} points to this. This is the language from the dream where I see the associations to early life:

Mom and dad come into the living room. I panic, knowing they've ruined it, yelling at them to go back. Somehow, they trigger another big ass, black creature. It storms towards us. I have to redraw my weapon. Brother is occupied elsewhere, somehow. I coolly swing my sword out of its scabbard, which appears in front of me as I draw. I manage to get in front of the window as it's closing in. It fires a purple blast, me and brother manage to destroy it with our 1-2; but, the creature is too close to the window.

Interpretation of this a part of the dream.
Your mom and dad would point to associations/relationships with them. They have ruined some aspect {if not overall} of your life. They trigger unconscious creatures {issues they have created in your psyche}. These issues cause emotional 'storms' for you consciously. Your brother here is another part of you {aspects possibly related with your real brother that are shared} and that part of you {conscious self that ignores these issues} is occupied with living life. But the inner 'swords" are consciously drawn from unconscious motivators {early life imprinting that are controlling your conscious life}. Consciously these inner issues are reflected {see through the unconscious window} and they are closing in on you. The purple blast is an unconscious awareness of some type as yet unexplored dimension of the self. The other part of you {conscious brother} is able to subdue the issues {the ego subduing unconscious information that can cause conscious waking conflicts}. But the 'creature' is too close to becoming consciously a threat to your life.


The first dream also points to early life parental issues. This is the language I refer to:

They leave, my parents walk in the alley, just as I'm throwing myself to the side of the building, on the concrete ground. I fall in an almost perfect line, tight, arms above my head, covering my ears with my elbows, hands outstretched; I sob and sob and sob. It hurts so badly. I just wanted a little bit.

An alley like other 'back' issues point to the unconscious {the house is you and the alley runs in the back of the house}. The concrete ground is the firm grounding you grew up with in early life {your foundations}. You have 'fallen in line' with this imprinting from early life experiences/influences. But consciously these issues are covered up, not able to 'hear' the unconscious contents {ears}. These issues cause hurt. What you still need {and want in the dream a little bit of} is emotional nourishment.



Summary
What was your early life like? Are there issues from early life that could be motivating factors as an adult. Issues to do with proper parental nourishment? My sense these issues spill over into conscious life and motivate your personality. They probably have to do with how you handle/react to re;relationships with females {perhaps emotionally}. Look at what i have provided and let me know your thoughts.

Jerry


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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

No worries; I appreciate you replying at all. ^_^

I'm American; I live, and have always lived, in Texas. Unfortunately. @_@

It's a lot, I know. Sorry. >.>

I have absolutely no idea what 'tekes affair' is. Or, who, rather. I know it was some famous person having an affair. It seemed that that bench which was being recorded by cameras (somehow while they were under the benches)was a place where this guy, Tekes (or something like that) had had an affair, before.

Brooke was my girlfriend of 2 years, through my 16-18th years. She left for the military, and the long-distance thing turned out not to work. We broke up, then she visited me a couple times the following years, then just disappeared into her life. Needless to say, I thought we'd be together forever, as I was a silly, naive teen. It was reoccurring, I think, but only twice, I think.

I love Japanese people, but I can't think of anything else related to Asian people.

I can't really remember much from before I was 13. My mom tried to kill herself when I was a young child, but I don't think I knew about it, then; she tried again when I was 16. Aside from being an absolutely, overly devout Christian (I'm not), my mom also has bipolar with psychotic episodes, which--as you can imagine--led to a somewhat interesting adolescence. She's medicated, now, but back then she was uber crazy.

My parents got in fights a lot. Lots of yelling and throwing things, and the occasional chasing my dad--or me--around the house with a knife. Breaking my stuff at times, using an inordinate amount of physical punishment. She'd leave, sometimes, to get wasted for the week. My dad would feel really bad about it after they fought and she left, but I told him she always comes back: and she always did. Probably because she didn't have anywhere else to go, but I'm rambling.

Oh, but yes, my parents were not very good at parenting. I sadly resent them for not providing or supporting any intellectual or physical outlets (Sagacious pursuits are very important to me, despite my successes in procrastination). The most important thing to them was God, and if you have God in your life, you don't need to worry about making sure you raise your children correctly, because all they need is love, food, and such.

Dad worked all the time, and when he got home he usually just screamed a lot--not to say we didn't have good times together. We'd play football, board games, watch t.v. together, go to six flags and water parks, ect. Though, there was one incident where my brother and I were playing with toy cars in the living room, quietly, and he went berserk, screaming at us to be quiet. Things like this weren't too terribly common, but they weren't rare, either. He had a thyroid problem which made him more aggressive, so I don't really blame him for it. I do blame them for most of my life being pretty much ruined, though.

Though, they were very loving parents. I never felt unloved, and I think that transitioned to my female relationships, as I tend to treat women very well, and dedicate myself fully. Though, I've also resigned myself to solitude for an undetermined amount of time. Possibly because of a traumatic experience with my best friends (and Brooke, of course), some died, some decided I was a potential threat to them (I wasn't, but I can't blame them for being scared. Never did anything aggressive with them.), and various other things that led to pretty much all of my friends being gone from my life.

I started doing various drugs when I was 14, coke, ecstasy, shrooms, weed, crack, hydrocodone, LSD, ect. ect. Never heroin. Most of my other friends were druggies, so when I got clean I had to sever ties with them.

I don't know if this verbose monstrosity counts as earlier life, because most of this stuff is from my teen years; except for the parental fighting.

I'll try to write up a more concise summary of my thoughts on your evaluation, this week.

Thank you for taking the time to help me with this. ^_^

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Rawrz,
I'll take this additional info and look at the dreams again {likely Wednesday}. You have clarified a lot about many different issues, especially parental. As not remembering anything about your mother's attempted suicide. You may have more knowledge than you realize. Often these things are 'sensed' if not actually known and placed in the unconscious. Also, because there were psychological issues with your mother, her behavior would have an influence in your life {unless you absolutely had no contact with her which in itself would cause psyche issues-not having a parent present during early life}. Let me take another look and see what I find having this added info.

As for your posting. I am not discouraging posting your dreams but I often have so little time to fulfill all the requests. The goal in analyzing dreams is to discover any and all emotional issues that are in conflict in the dreamer's life so they can resolve the issues. Sometimes one dream will reveal the greatest issue{s}. Usually it requires series of dreams. Having limited information about the dreamer limits a deeper analysis. I use intuitive sensory abilities to discern any patterns in a dream and by knowing the patterns I can present the periphery of emotional issue{s}. With additional info, like that you provided in your follow up response, will allow me to fit more pieces of the puzzle together. I usually can define the patterns in general but the precise experience and/or influence it is related to is often left for the dreamer to fill in. Understanding how dreams function {through Jungian psyche} allows me to place into proper context what the dream message is beyond the interpretation itself. Jung got it right {well most of it} with his theories and concepts on dreams. My many years of analyzing dreams {I have a record of info here at the Dream Forum} using Jungian psyche has convinced me of this without a doubt. It is from the responses I have been ale to verify my analysis and the 4000+ interpretations and many thousand follow up responses are evidence of my work and Jung's theories.

Jerry



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Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 64 Cocoa, Fl

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Rawrz,
About the Brooke dream. I do believe it is addressing that relationship and the emotional conflict it has/is causing. But I also believe the feminine aspects have to do with personality, your emotional self. That would go to early life experiences/influences. The lack of good parenting has a lot to do with personality and who you become as an adult. There is nit enough emotional room in our personality type and you need to find avenues of growth to overcome those limitations. It is your psychology the dream is addressing on two levels.

I believe the Ninja dream {Feb 2} illustrates the issues with your parents. You are constantly having to fight off 'enemies' of the soul {ninjas serve a grand master and in you that is the soul}. The dream may be addressing actual experiences {symbolic language of course} but the overall message has to do with the inner conflicts. The fancy house is you and appropriate structure life should be as a child {which was lacking in your childhood}. There is one particular experience or aspect you have had to fight {emotionally}, the giant that storms toward you. The original experience is in your past but you are still having to endure the affects from it {The battle is over, the large creatures remains}. This would go to personality traits you possess now, the experiences having shaped your psyche and become unconscious energies in your life.

What is/was your relationship with Megan? She shows up in your life in a time of negative emotional experiences {war torn house}.

Then there is the issue of your mother. I do believe you were unconsciously aware of what she was going through when she tried to commit suicide. The dream language, "Mom asks if anyone has any opiate strength type medication" leads me o believe this. Are there any related aspects to Megan and your mother? {"She asks Meagan if I could use her medicine"}. There is something you could not handle, an addition possibility that may point to personality issues.

Language from the first dream also suggests childhood experiences. "They leave, my parents walk in the alley, just as I'm throwing myself to the side of the building, on the concrete ground. I fall in an almost perfect line, tight, arms above my head, covering my ears with my elbows, hands outstretched; I sob and sob and sob. It hurts so badly. I just wanted a little bit."
Parents in the alley are influences of parents in your unconscious {the house is your conscious self, the alley is in the back, the unconscious}. The concrete ground is the firm grounding you grew up on. You have fallen in line with that grounding {affected by parental influences}. You hurt badly from this lack of good parenting.

Mys sense is the dreams are addressing your personality and issues related to that stemming from childhood. If you will post a very recent dream I may be able to get more from it since these dreams are from the past, before you posted your dreams for analysis. Once you begin to investigate your dreams they will progress and offer more insights. A very recent dream may offer new information.

Jerry



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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Ah, I see. Sounds reasonable. The large, fancy house as a metaphor for the structure my childhood should have provided makes especial sense. I always hated our tiny, disheveled house in addition to, well, the lack of proper parenting.

There is no real relationship, per se, between Meagan and I. I saw her a few years ago, and before that I hadn't seen her since I was 10. Though, we always had fun chasing geese, then running in mock terror as the ferocious (seriously, they have some balls) creatures squawked and fervently pursued us. There was an odd incident when last we saw each other, though.

We all went to the lake, and they had some jet skis. I was reading, but she pestered me until I agreed to ride the jet ski with her. She went especially fast, twisting and turning rapidly, violently meandering until I fell off. My dad later asked if it seemed like she was trying to make me fall. I responded: I don't know, maybe. Then he said, "maybe she was trying to dominate you." Very puzzling, and it left me on edge.

Possibly, since I assume she may resent me for growing up in a much better environment than her (ironically). Separated from her mother, moved to Houston with her less-than-reputable-drunk-abusive-father, eventually running around tying people up and mugging them for drugs and the like. My conclusion, anyway.

Hmm. Meagan is my mother's sister's child, so I'd definitely say there are similarities. She's undeniably dull, ostensibly average or below, and perhaps mentally ill. Outwardly, a bright and hyper, loving extrovert; inwardly, well, human. Petty, vengeful, ect. ect. Sweet, in general, but especially ignorant. Though, Meagan is much more of a rebel and liberal than my mother. I don't know much about her aside from that.

The most recent one I remembered was the alley, but I'll try to remember some in the next few days. The most recent one previous that was on July 7th: one of small substance that only involved a slopping hill at a rec center where I worked with my puppy love, Jen-Jen. I usually forget ones through the night, but I generally remember them better when I take an hour or 2 nap.

Would you happen to know any ways to make remembering dreams more likely? I try to write them down as quickly as possible, but they fade so quickly. I've heard some foods can cause vivid dreams.

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Scott,
The Brooke dream fits right with the actual experience you described. The deep end and the lifeguards have to do with you feeling fear and not in control {feminine qualities}. This would fit with the actual experience with her as well as the deeper inner issues. The double decker would point to the two levels of meaning in the dream as well as the two of you in the jet ski {double decker}. The rest of the dream doesn't change from my original interpretation.

As for remembering your dreams. You need to train yourself to automatically think about your dreams when you first wake up. The first impulse is not to move {this is important] and go over the dreams until you have them in your mind. Then record them exactly as you remember them. If something comes to mind that you 'know' fits in the dream record that also. Any other comments you feel important should be added after you have recorded the whole dream{s}. You may want to get a tape recorded and record them.

Jerry



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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Okay, cool. I took your advice and managed to remember this dream, today. ^-^ I'm not sure if you'd have preferred that I posted this as a new thread or replied here, but I figured this might save space.

There's an underground tunnel that two other people are trying to get through. One is an older man, the other is also male, but closer to my own age, but seems to be weaker than me. There are various kinds of dangerous animals in there. Boars, tiny ogres, large mindless orcs, arcane casters whom only do attack damage, and defensive casters whom protect their allies.

We go to the entrance and begin our journey down. The meandering tunnels conjoined and split off from one another. The older man goes on ahead, through mining chambers, dimly lit corridors, and wooden supports surrounding the walls. It's very dangerous, so we stay behind. I think he's going to try for the top of the spire. We hide behind a crevice, a thin rocky ledge where we're safe from the patrolling monsters, so long as we can balance. They spot us.

We run.

We get behind some bars on the side of a nearby tunnel. The cavernous antechamber connects with it, and the casters have noticed us, and begin to fire bolts of white, deadly energy. We're able to deflect them with our cloaks or dodge them.

(...)

We manage to sneak midway into the tunnels, into another antechamber. I notice there's a giant orc patrolling around 100 yards away, along with an arcane caster and a defensive caster. I tell whomever is with me to stay still as stone. We crouch into positions, knees slightly apart, squatting down, torsos still as the curtains behind us. I think we tried to wrap the curtains around ourselves.

An arcane caster, half a mans size, goblinny face, patrols near the outer edge of the room, on a road -like path that borders a large, again, cavernous hole with a near endless bottom. We're still as can be. They pass by and don't notice us! Exhalation, vivid relief. The defensive caster next, walks by the path. Safe again. The large ogre, next, walks by slowly. He moves, slightly, and I panic--thinking he's seen us, when he really hadn't; I dart from the still position, drawing his attention. The giant ogre notices me. He starts bellowing to the others, then proceeds to charge at me fairly quickly given his size, barreling down the cavernous courtyard of sorts. We are pursued. We flee back into the tunnels.

(...)

The man says to me, "don't worry, it's safe at the top," a large, genial smile on his face. We drive by the path we'd previously tried to approach deeper into the caves from--back towards the entrance. We continue to drive as we exit the entrance to these particular caves. The road is long and bumpy.

We drive past the arcane/defensive casters we had just nearly encountered a bit ago. They didn't seem to want to attack for some reason. Perhaps they were afraid of the car. In any case, we pressed on past them. "Don't worry," the man says again, "it's safe at the top, and I know of a shortcut," smiling widely and stupidly [Thanks for letting us know after we tried to take the long way!]; we make our way to the shortcut. I wake.

_________
So, would this continue with the pattern of an unconscious problem being a threat to coming to the surface?

And, since this is again a giant charging at me--this time he's smaller than the other huge creature in the war-torn-house dream, but he's faster, would that mean that the issue is also smaller, but more likely to rise to the surface?

Also, what do you mean by 'falling in line with the firm grounding I grew up on'? As in, I've accepted something my parents wanted me to do, or let myself be influenced by parental experiences from my childhood, where I hadn't been before (I was very rebellious)?

Also, if you don't mind me asking: what kind of personality issues would you think I'd have, just based on these dreams?

Thank you again for taking the time to read through all this and help me better understand things. ^_^;

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Scott,
I'll comment on your most recent post on Thursday. I usually have time during the mornings to do my dream work and dream analyzation but my schedule has changed where I can only get to the gym early mornings until school begins again. The one other thing that keeps me centered other than my dream work is my physical fitness routine {something I have been doing for 35 years}.

Jerry



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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

No doubt. As I mentioned before, the fact that you take any time to take a look at my (and other peoples') dreams is very cool and very much appreciated. ^_^

Keep up the good work(outs)!

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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

Scott,
Here is what I get from the dream.

The dream is focused on the two levels of your psyche {inner/unconscious and outre/conscious life}. Older aspects/older male of your psyche {experiences/influences from personal life or/and archetypal influences} as well as the result of those past experiences/influences on your current life {weaker male}. There are a lot of inner 'animals/emotional issues' that threaten your life and you need defensive mechanisms to combat the inner threats {what the dream is attempting to identify and get resolved}.
The unconscious energies are getting ahead, affecting conscious actions {psychologically}. The conscious self lets the unconscious motivators/energies lead the way. You are hiding from emotional issues. These issues cause you to 'run' when the road gets tough.

There are deep unconscious issues that cause to conscious conflicts. You have been able to deflect the emotional issues thus far in your life, dodging the issues but not resolving them.
You are constantly in a defensive position. This is due to the hidden motivators, unconscious energies you are doing battle with. The ugly part of yourself.

From the language describing the threatening 'animals/emotional issues' I would surmise you play some type of video games or Dungeons and Dragons.

The inner threats/Boars, tiny ogres, large mindless orcs, arcane casters pursue you in your conscious life {a manifestation of the inner conflicts}. There is one particular experience that keeps you on the 'edge'. You use conscious intent to defend against the inner issues {living our life being controlled by unconscious motivators from early life experiences/influences}. You are pursued by the inner emotional energies. There seems to be safety in thinking you are consciously in control but the unconscious issues are deeper than you realize. They tend to make your life difficult. It puts you in deeper jeopardy to think this way.

In summary the unconscious energies that are a result of childhood experiences/influences are what control your conscious life. My sense is you use certain 'escape mechanisms' to deflect these inner issues. Could video games be one form of escaping?

These issues also affect personality. There seems to be issues to do with relationships which would be a direct result from early life.

As for your questions. You ask, "would this continue with the pattern of an unconscious problem being a threat to coming to the surface?" They are being played out in your personality and how you live your life in the present. In that manner, yes they have come to the surface {consciousness}. The question should be 'do you recognized the issues and can you resolve the issues'?

"Also, what do you mean by 'falling in line with the firm grounding I grew up on'? As in, I've accepted something my parents wanted me to do, or let myself be influenced by parental experiences from my childhood, where I hadn't been before (I was very rebellious)?"

What I mean by this is you have fallen in line with the unconscious energies that are the result of early life experiences/influences, especially to do with parenting. You are unconsciously controlled by the emotional issues that have their foundations in early life. To identify exactly what they are will require further searching. And that would require a total search of your whole life, from birth to the current time. The issues are unconsciously controlling but what you need to do is to consciously identify what they are and begin the trek to resolve them. They come to the surface in your dreams but do you consciously know what they are and how to go about resolving them?

Jerry



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Re: Several weird dreams. Sex, cops, drugs,violence, fear, women, best friend.

My sense is you use certain 'escape mechanisms' to deflect these inner issues. Could video games be one form of escaping?

Yeah, probably definitely; I do love my video games. I've played D&D before, but not a lot, and a few other table tops which I really enjoyed, but I don't really have a group, unfortunately.

I distract myself quite a bit with that kind of stuff, though: or reading (usually high-fantasy--influenced by Lord of The Rings--with magic, and dragons, and other various types of creatures).

Actually, yeah, that's all I've been doing, really. Work, eat, distract. I still live with my parents (due to the economy, my inability to live life on life's terms, and practicality), so all my time and a lot of my money goes into books and games. I've been on a reading binge, recently. Gone through 5 books this past month. Seems to have proved to be a better distraction than gaming.


There are a lot of inner 'animals/emotional issues' that threaten your life and you need defensive mechanisms to combat the inner threats {what the dream is attempting to identify and get resolved}.

Are escape mechanisms innately ineffective or can they be melded with some defense mechanisms?

There are deep unconscious issues that cause to conscious conflicts. You have been able to deflect the emotional issues thus far in your life, dodging the issues but not resolving them.

What are some examples of issues that have been resolved? A lot of mine seem to be memories, and from people I can no longer have contact with, so I'm not really sure what I could do about them.

To identify exactly what they are will require further searching. And that would require a total search of your whole life, from birth to the current time. The issues are unconsciously controlling but what you need to do is to consciously identify what they are and begin the trek to resolve them. They come to the surface in your dreams but do you consciously know what they are and how to go about resolving them?

Wow. My whole life. @_@ That's a lot of searching. So, in your experience, is this like a life long search?

Perhaps I know what they are, but most of my childhood is a blur. Defense mechanism, perhaps, but I still only remember bits and pieces: the only real stream of memories I have are when I turned 14, and those begin to get shady at 15, due to the onset of drug use, possibly in addition to defense mechanisms.

But, as for childhood issues, I have a hard time remembering anything from then. I know my mother is probably a cause.

So, I have to recognize the deeper, unconscious issues that still plague me, then find a way to consciously rectify them. And these issues probably stem from childhood, but there are more recent issues that can also cause the same type of thing? I'm not sure how to figure out what the unconscious issues are, because the dreams are so ambiguous.

I am aware of a few other large issues that haunt me, more existentially than any experience, but also a few experiences. I've assumed that time and just working and distracting myself until I go back to college this semester will help--to self-actualize: getting a degree is EXTREMELY important to me (but I suck at resolve), so I thought that would help--and that while both going to school and working will be too much to where I won't have time to focus on the issues that plague me.

Convenient so I don't have to actually face them head on, I suppose, but I don't really know how to resolve them. They seem to just attack me, then it seems I have large unconscious issues on top. @_@

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I also remembered 2 different, fairly disturbing dreams today. Long, I know, just lemme know if you don't need anymore dreams or if you're tired of reading all my blathering.

1: I saved someone's child. Next, we're invited to their apartment.

We're at a cheap, rundown apartment with bars on the windows (some missing, beginning to unhappily see a pattern here). An older man says that he appreciates us helping him out so much earlier, then leaves for us to babysit the house (I have a feeling the other guy I'm with was the cause of his kid's trouble in the first place, but I was the one whom saved the kid from him).

We sit down and watch T.V. There's liquor in the cabinet, and I discover some Jack Daniels and Absolute Vodka while creepy, ******* guy continues to watch T.V. He's lanky, gaunt; I have a feeling he's not going to be calm much longer.

I'm supposed to go to work tonight, but I decide to drink anyway. I pour some Jack Daniel shots into these plastic mouth rinse cups (something I did when I was 20, for lack of real shot glasses.-- A few days before I had talked about the the ridiculousness of alcohol and how it was the worst possible drug in every aspect in large doses). I drink half the bottle through the day; the other guy finishes the other half.

Gaunt, crazy guy takes the bottle, then walks over to one of the unbarred windows and gets ready to smash it. I respond, "Nooooo! Don't you idiot!" He grins maliciously and quickly shoves the bottle into the windows, they sound as cheap as the apartment when they break. He moves the bottle around in the window, breaking the rest of the glass.

The window he broke was one of six, looking out over the parking lot. About two square feet encompassing two windows. Three of the six are barred.

Later, I'm very drunk and high from weak opiates. The guy (and his wife, possibly) return/s.I'm slightly worried about driving for work, but ignore the feeling as he steps up to his door to meet me.

The older guy coming home doesn't even mention the broken window--ahh, I see it's fixed, now.Weird how it was fixed so quickly, I wonder, looking at the new black, iron-looking bar over the broken window. I have a feeling that the rest of the windows had similar things happen to them, then were replaced and barred. Around 75%-80% of the windows are barred, now.

Adjacent to the window, on his front porch, he says, "I'm so happy that you saved my child. How could I ever possibly repay you?" I drunkenly stare at him, "The bottle of Jack and Absolute was a good start", too drunk for common courtesy, evidently.

Older guy smiles his big, toothy grin as in the previous dream (the smile is the same, not the man), "Oh, but we've brought all your friends from Narcotics Anonymous! All 25 of them! They're just up the road. Do you want to see them?"

I'm surprised, but appreciative of the gesture; so, I follow him and his wife (I think. Some woman whom doesn't say anything) up the road, muttering to myself that they're not really my friends. I see the group, now: big as can be. Many. Some few I remember from N.A., from when I was a younger teen, but one sticks out in the back. Another lanky kid, sharp nose, tall neck, fragile bones looks like, bit of a sunken face. (I know this one. He died. Knew him in rehab when I was 15.)

He smiles and blood starts flowing in a torrent through his closed, shining teethe, "Hey Scott," he says, still smiling and still bleeding through his teethe.

Terrifying flash memory inside the dream, it's just one picture: He's frozen in place, the gaunt, dead kid, his face looking up, past me, at an angle, into the space up and slightly away from me. His mouth is open, as if in a scream, and my eyes focus--much regardless of my own will--to the lacerations on his neck. Several red, clustered marks. Fairly large, around 3 inch cuts across, and deep, around 1 inch deep or horizontal. Some were more shallow than the others, probably hesitation marks. Definitely suicide. There isn't as much blood as I would have thought, as there would be with a neck wound like that.

I wake with his dead face frozen in my mind.

__________

Never even really talked to the kid that I remember, at rehab. I do vividly remember seeing his neck scars and wounds, though. Attempted suicide. A very large laceration going down from below his ear to his collar bone, trying for the coradid artery and jugular vein. Right place, deep, but not deep enough. I remember thinking it would have been easier cutting his arm, near his elbow.


Or it could have been a different guy--whom I really liked and went to rehab with and N.A., after rehab--he attempted suicide with a sharpened toothbrush my first few days at rehab. Probably dead, too.

************************************************************************************

2.

I'm at the store with 4 people, I think. Possibly my best friends older brother and his wife, some kid slightly younger than me, and a woman around my age. The younger male takes my hand and puts it on the woman's and says, "Don't you want to hold her hand?" I'm a bit stunned and remove it, looking embarrassed. The young guy is undaunted and takes my hand and puts it back in hers. I obviously want to, apparently, and the woman looks like she wants me to hold her hand, so I leave it this time.

(...couple mins)

Now the woman and I are in front of the checkout isle, in front of the cashier (or, rather, under the wooden checkout divider thingy, out of her view while the others checked out.) We're making out, and next things next, she takes her shirt off and is bare, we continue. (..) They leave for the van (my friend's mom had that van).

I get up and start walking past the cashier isles towards the exit. Another lady cashier asks me, "why were you under there?" (or something of the sort) I respond, "Oh, she had her shirt off." She looks surprised, but not horrified or offended as I expected, "oooooh, nice job," she says as she flashes a smile.

I'm out in the van with the others. They decide to take a detour. Suddenly we're next to the store, at what seems like an abandoned building. I don't like it. I really don't like it. I want to leave immediately.

"I've been here before," I say. (I do believe I've been here in this dream before. Though, I don't really remember it.) Someone else mentions going inside for kicks and giggles, and runs inside. I shout, "No! Don't!" Too late, they're already inside.

Next is the grotesque part. I'm forgetting some of it, but there are bodies on some sort of conveyer belt, up a ledge, on the second floor of the building. The conveyer belt is on the side, like a gutter, drain thing. It suddenly smells veritably acrid and musty, like decaying corpses.

One of the younger guys jumps up there. The building seems to have changed him in some way. Something is controlling him. He's wild. He wants the bodies uncovered, and on this conveyer belt. I climb a ladder and (I think it's my mother, one of the corpses). I push her off the side, she's just an empty shell now. Reverence for her body is ultimately burying or incinerating her body. I try to take her outside, but the others won't let me.

I manage to get outside. There's a field stretching out as far as I can see. Me and possibly a woman I was able to save (possibly the same one I made out with) can't go back to the house to get all the bodies, but we managed to crash the conveyer belt and drop all of them to the floor, and then we managed to destroy the building. Bodies are now scattered all along the outside of the building's rubble. Body parts, arms, legs, heads, sit in an array among the rubble.

It's urgent that we get away for some reason, possibly because the police are coming, or we're afraid they are.

We begin to cover up the bodies with various things. The plan seems to be to cover them enough with various things so that when construction workers come back, and somehow won't notice the bodies and will build something over it. We start by making some makeshift stairs down the slight incline that lead to the building initially. They look pretty **** good considering that there are corpses beneath, and we didn't have any tools or cement. (>_>) We leave the rest of the corpses in the building, laying around in and on the floor, somehow we're confident that the workers won't find them.

Something is mentioned about an odd creature somewhere in the middle of this dream. A giant which seems to only help one person; however, it's prophesied (of a sort) that there is a special one of these giants (something like a 5-10 meter, fuzzy giant, somewhat resembling a mix between a lanky, thinner gorilla with fur like that of those gremlins from the movie, but with some human facial features), whom will be a legendary creature, or one of a high rank.

This special creature whose name I forgot shows up at the end of the dream, while I'm walking in the aforementioned field. Initially, he shows himself as the normal type of creature (5-10 meters, can't remember exactly how tall he looked), but then, a few minutes later, he begins to transform. Suddenly, he has a golden coat with patches of brown in it, a giant red cape or cloak, perhaps. He's the legendary creature, and he's going to help me somehow.

__________

Would this giant creature (which in the few previous dreams has usually been an enemy) being friendly now suggest that the issue I've been facing--the large one that was rising to the surface--has been resolved? I did make peace with my father last night after being very angry with him a few days ago.

Also, would you mayhaps say that a lot of the more grotesque or bloody dreams are more a metaphor for the severe damage to the psyche somehow? Or, I suppose, it varies from individual to individual?

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