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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Jerry,

Once again, thank you for your analysis in this. Your prior insight about the first dream I put up here was helpful and I am glad that you are taking a look at this one too. I will first address your analysis and will then post some more of the dream as it occurred.

The waking conscious life {front door of building} is OK but your inner life is in conflict {inside of the room is dark}. There is a desire to acknowledge the inner emotional conflicts and perhaps some attempts to do so {some illumination} but there is a resistance since it would disrupt your normal 'jovial' life. There is a need to sale yourself that everything is find despite the unconscious energies that motivate your life {we all have unconscious motivators that affect the conscious life. Most come from early life experiences/influences}. You seem to have an abundance of motivating factors but you ignore all desires to look within yourself to see what they are {this would likely be the ego subconscious resisting unconscious contents that would disrupt your normal life}.


My waking life is probably in the best place it has been in for many years, perhaps even for my entire life. I endured neglect and abuse for a long time in various forms from various people. I had battled severe depression for a decade and a half starting as early as age nine. Thankfully, I am quite happy and well-adjusted now. Still, there is one serious area of my life (or, more accurately, two connected areas) that is driving me nuts by this point. I currently live with my parents and a combination of my upbringing by them and the current toxic living environment is extremely stressful, almost rage provoking. I will finally be getting out of here within a couple of months after having repaired, through years of therapy, the years of damage they inflicted. Still, it is all I can do to not completely lose it and burn the bridge that connects me to the two of them. I'll still probably end up doing it, but I would prefer to do that once I am out from under their roof. It has gotten to the point that I go to work to relax from being at home which gets me all jacked up and upset.

The first sentence points to the unconscious energies that motivate your personality and life. Your outer self is reflective of these unconscious energies. This may suggest they have a very strong hold on your waking life without your knowledge {a usual occurrence for most people}. The parked car {you and the unconscious energies} is what drives you to do many things you do. The couple {you actually know} point to possible real interactions with these people but symbolically are also parts of yourself {yin and yang-a need for balance}. This may be a reference to your normal conscious world you enjoy engaging in {socialize} vs the unconscious contents you do not to engage. You are attempting to live a normal life but because of unconscious forces, and perhaps conscious experiences/events as well, prevent you from doing so.


My response to the first paragraph is pertinent to this too so I will keep this one short. I do keep a pretty tight lid on all the wonderful stuff going on subconsciously regarding my inner frustration with my home situation. If I do refer to it with other people it is in veiled sarcasm or while being extremely obtuse. People often say that they cannot detect anything with me at all. I guess I am an expert on hiding my inner turmoil. I feel that getting my own place will be really beneficial, if only to escape the two biggest negative influences on my life: my mother and father.

The road you are driving is leads to a dead end reflects the path and direction you are going in life. This may point to actual feelings that you are going in the wrong direction, perhaps not a strong feeling but noticed consciously. Is there some aspect you feel is a 'dead end' in your conscious life. Unconsciously this is true whether you do or not {dreams reflect our true condition despite what the conscious ego thinks and/or perceives}. Life would be much richer if not for the unconscious energies that motivate you to take wrong turns in life {The houses I was driving by were much larger and more opulent than the ones that exist on that road in waking life}. The inner life lacks proper roots {trees} although the conscious self does not realize/know this. That real place in life you wish to be is not there {small residential neighborhood that is not present within waking life on that road}. This would point to the unconscious imbalance due to the motivators and perhaps to waking life desires.


I guess I am going to sound a bit like a broken record, heh heh. I feel that, by this point, the "dead end" in my life is attempting to maintain a meaningful relationship with my parents. I feel utterly rebuffed at every turn and have felt that way for some time. I feel by this point that I almost have Stockholm syndrome for the two of them. Once I have an apartment in the near future I am honestly inclined to sever contact, at least temporarily.

As for the boat that is launched in salt marshes in waking life. This may point to the 'jovial' life you live when engaged in social environments {this may be a prime message of the dream} but there are other aspects {perhaps conscious but definitely unconscious} when you have empty feelings, perhaps even periods of despondency or depression. Do you feel you are in your 'environment' when interacting socially {an extroverted personality}? You probably do not experience this 'high' when not engaged in these type experiences. There are deep unconscious forces at work {ocean}. You are solely engaged in your waking life when it comes to feeling good about yourself.


I actually generally consider myself an introvert, but it is a bit more complicated than that one word label. I generally do not choose to inject myself into a social situation and I usually feel recharged and refreshed by seclusion and drained by socialization. Still, once I get in a social situation I am often the life of the party and can utterly control the ebb and flow of conversation in a crowded room. This isn't particularly forced or intentional on my part (though it once was). I actually really enjoy being a social savant in situations like that. I suppose I am an introvert who becomes an extrovert in the company of other people.

Exiting the car is bringing out these unconscious aspects so you can see what they are {I exited my car and looked around at the houses}. Because the dream abruptly ended may point to a resistance to acknowledge the unconscious aspects. And until you do that you will find yourself in another place other than the true self of balance and harmony. The house you describe is you. The two stories would be the conscious and unconscious {two is also symbolic of conflict}. The left side is your true self {this is the path the hero in mythology takes to discover his/her true self}. The roof is your conscious mind. The windows offer a view of your older inner self {we all possess archetypal aspects that are older than mankind and offer unconscious guidance to living a balance life}. Just as animals have inherent senses that provide direction in life, mankind has similar inherent senses {few people know about}.


Can't comment too much on this part, but the above counter-analysis I have given probably will shed light on this too.

Again, thank you for the analysis. I will post a couple more sections in a separate reply to this thread so as to break up the text a bit. I look forward to anything you might have to say about the contents below.

EDIT: I keep hitting spam warnings when trying to put up a reply. In case there is a flood prevention system in place or something to that effect I will wait a bit before adding to the narrative.

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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Anonymous,
I appreciate the detailed response. I'll provide a response hopefully tomorrow. This evening and in the morning I will be in the process of gathering several feral/community cats to be spaded/neutered and if everything goes as planned I should have that taken care of by late morning/early afternoon.

Jerry



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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Below are sections III and IV of the dream that continue from sections I and II above. This arc of the dream deals with my entering the school referred to in the title and taking classes within it. This part of the dream seemed to ramp up tension or mystery in the dream. After the sections below the situation in the dream became defused and the dream actually became very pleasant. I shall post those at a later time per your suggestion of going through these sections bit by bit.

III.

I then found myself in a large building with no clear indication as to how I had gotten there, though this didn't occur to me in the dream. The building was a strange combination of a mall and a warehouse. The ceilings were tall and I do not remember actually seeing them. The interior was laid out in a grid-like structure. The aisles of this grid were floored with a pink tile of some kind. These tiles seemed to be either artificial, like linoleum, or were perhaps stone. The tiles were glossy and reflected the light from above. Between the aisles were large sections that housed merchandise. I recall little about this particular aspect of this place. I do not recall if the merchandise was on racks or if it was in containers, though given the array of vibrant colors and shapes I vaguely recall seeing I believe it may have been the former. I do recall that the floor where the merchandise rested upon was covered with a pale grey shade of blue carpet. The whole of this place was bathed in bright light in a color temperature somewhere between cool and warm typical of a business establishment of some sort.

I recall that I was looking for a woman while I was in this place. I saw many people walking to and fro but I do not recall anything about them, nor did I know them either in the dream or in waking life. I do know that I knew the woman I was looking for and perhaps had met her before, but this was only within the dream and I do not know this woman in waking life, nor do I recall a dream where I have actually seen or met her. I eventually was able to track this woman down. I saw that the woman was an older pale skinned female, perhaps about fifty-five years old. This woman had platinum blonde hair in a bob cut style that framed her cheeks. This woman wasn’t particularly tall, perhaps standing at about five foot ten. She had a moderate, or perhaps somewhat slender build. I think she was wearing a knitted sweater of some kind in a red or purple color (or both), though I do not recall this with great clarity. This woman was also wearing slacks and flats but I do not recall what color when it came to either of these.

The woman seemed happy to see me and I recall that she smiled a beaming smile with immaculate teeth of white. The woman told me in a gentle and naturally soft voice that I had passed a test of some kind by finding her so quickly. My having passed this test permitted me to enroll in a school of some sort that she ran. This woman seemed to have a warm but authoritarian demeanor judging from how she spoke and addressed me. According to her I had located her in a half hour (thirty-seven minutes stands out to me for some reason) whereas on the average it took people two hours to discover where she was (two hours and seventeen minutes stands out to me here as well). The woman took me up a staircase, through a hallway, through a door and another hallway, and then outside of the building. I recall seeing nobody else as we walked along. I will describe both previous hallways later and will instead focus now upon the outside of the building where I then found myself.

I beheld the environment below from where the woman and I stood. I saw that I was in the same neighborhood that I had driven to previously before I found myself within the building I had suddenly appeared in. While the place was the same the environment was different. Rather than spring or summer it was now the middle of winter and snow blanketed the environment. I recall knowing it was cold and windy but I do not remember if I actually felt coldness and wind. It was still daytime and it seemed brighter than it had been previously. At that moment it felt as if it was mid-morning. The fog was a bit thicker than it was previously and visibility now was perhaps only a bit greater than fifty yards. I saw the same house that I remembered from before, though now instead of green siding and red trimmed windows the building was entirely white.

The woman and I were atop a slanted roof on the outside of the building. The roof was at exactly 45 degrees in slope and was covered in a fresh layer of virgin snow. We stood perhaps five stories above the ground. The woman had me sit down upon the roof and told me to meditate for five minutes. I recall that I sat in such a way that the wind wouldn’t be blowing in my face by keeping my knees up in front of my torso, lowering my face against my knees, and wrapping my arms around my legs. I meditated as the woman instructed and as I did so I prayed privately to God. I may have muttered my words softly but I do not recall this very well. I do not recall my exact words but I do know that, in essence, I prayed that the school I was entering was going to be a positive experience, that I was making the right choice by enrolling, that I would take full advantage of the curriculum, and that I would do well.

I then stopped meditating. I looked up and saw that unlike before when it was just the woman and I there were now many other fellow students here, perhaps about twenty in all. They all sat down upon the slope as I was and I recall conversing with a few of them, though I do not remember what we were discussing or what they looked like save that the ones I was speaking to were male. The students may have been wearing dark clothing but I do not remember specifically what style of clothes they wore. I do recall that there were two male students cracking jokes and not acting seriously. These two were lying down on the slope parallel with respect to the bottom edge of the roof below instead of sitting. I saw that they slowly slid down the slope whereas everybody else, myself included, was stationary. I recall that as these two slid they dislodged the snow below them and the snow slid down the slope with them.

IV.

I was then walking through one of the hallways of the school. The halls were brightly lit as the mall below was and were floored with white and pink linoleum tiles. The hallway was roughly square in its dimensions and was about ten feet wide and ten feet high up to the ceilings. I recall that the ceilings were white but I do not recall what they were constructed of.

I entered a classroom and saw that it was somewhat small in size, maybe fifteen by fifteen feet. There were only about eight other students inside, all of whom sat behind a desk. There was also a teacher. This teacher is somebody that I know in waking life but in waking life she is not a teacher. I recall that the classroom was somewhat dimly lit since its lights were off, but this may have been because there was a projector on which projected an image onto a projection screen. There was at least one window in this room through which daylight shone, but I do not recall if it was cloudy, foggy, or sunny outside.

The instructor then began to teach and handed out papers to the students and myself. The class itself was ostensibly about the computer graphical rendering method of ray tracing. I saw that on the projector screen there were very intense-looking mathematical formulae. The papers too contained equations of a maddening and complex sort. I feel like the formulae involved matrix multiplication but I only recall that one aspect and I know that the math was diverse in structure and involved a great number of different sorts of things.

I recall that music began to play in the classroom as the teacher continued to speak. As the music played the teacher’s speaking became softer and the music became louder. The music was in a minor key in a somewhat slow tempo at the beginning. The music was played by brass instruments but I do not recall much beyond those details. The tune may have been in B-flat or E-flat minor but I do not remember exactly which key it was in. I recall that it sounded like the music was being played through a gramophone given the sound quality which made the music sound muted and somewhat degraded. I do not recall from where the music was playing but I do recall that it felt like it was coming from somewhere inside the room instead of being played inside of my head.

The music became more animated and intense the longer I studied the math and eventually it built to a tension inducing crescendo that hung on a single suspended note for a few seconds. The music then abruptly stopped and the teacher revealed that she was joking. The class was not about ray tracing after all, but instead about a more lighthearted and engaging subject, though I remember not precisely what that subject was. Everybody in the class, myself included, was relieved at this prospect and even happy about it; however, while everybody else seemed to “understand” the prank at hand, I internally did not get why this school was so different from others that I had been to and even what I was doing here.

I then recall that I was in the hallway of the school again. I recall that there were other students here walking back and forth. I saw that both walls were lined with dull green lockers. I felt at the time that I had to find my locker, but was quickly frustrated by the lockers themselves. Each locker had a four digit number associated with it. These numbers were in black and etched into steel placards. I do not recall if I actually knew what my locker number was but I specifically recall looking for the locker that theoretically belonged to me. Finding it, however, proved impossible because the numbers of the lockers were not in sequential order and varied considerably upwards and downwards from one locker to the next. I then realized that even if I found my locker I had no idea what the combination to the lock on my locker would have been. I became worried that I wouldn’t be able to find my locker at all and that there would be some sort of consequence if I couldn’t find it, even if no consequence was expressed or implied.

I then entered another classroom. This one was a bit larger than the previous one, but the class was still small and contained no more than twelve students or so. Unlike the prior classroom that had desks this one only had chairs and the students and myself were seated in rows, one row right behind the other. In all other respects this classroom was just like the previous one. The lights were off, there was a projector on and projecting on a screen, and there was a window that allowed light into the room from the outside. This class was apparently about philosophy, but I do not recall specifically what the philosophical subject at hand was. I recall that there were Jeopardy-style questions asked by the teacher, though I do not remember anybody actually answering said questions. I do not remember anything about the teacher at all, though there was a teacher present.

Somebody sitting in the row in front of me had apparently “won” whatever game was being played through the asking of the questions. He was awarded a trip to Philadelphia and another trip to Orlando, both of which were to be taken over a specified two week period. I recall that at this point the projector showed a map of the continental United States with one dot where Philadelphia was and another where Orlando was. The map and the locations of the cities seemed quite accurate from what I can remember. The person who had won stood up from his chair and seemed jubilant, as did the rest of the class. I, however, felt very confused and wondered what kind of school this was.

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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Anonymous,
The spay/neuter event took a lot more time to achieve than I anticipated. I'll have more time tomorrow and will look t the post you made today as well.

Jerry



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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Anonymous,
In response to your follow up to my analysis, commenting on the primary intent in each section you quoted. This is a critique of my analysis as well as pointing to the issues I see as being the primary intent of the dream.
First Quote
Analysis: The waking conscious life {front door of building} is OK but your inner life is in conflict {inside of the room is dark}.

Your response: My waking life is probably in the best place it has been in for many years, perhaps even for my entire life.

I currently live with my parents and a combination of my upbringing by them and the current toxic living environment is extremely stressful, almost rage provoking. I will finally be getting out of here within a couple of months after having repaired, through years of therapy, the years of damage they inflicted.

Further Comment: At this time in your life you are in a good place. But the unconscious energies are there and must be realized because they can cause problems later in life if not acknowledged as such. Their are imprinted energies from your childhood that can be motivators for actions. The good news is you are working on these issues. By analyzing your dreams you are taking proactive measures and by understanding the unconscious issues you are aware of them.

Second Quote
Analysis: The first sentence points to the unconscious energies that motivate your personality and life.

Your response: I do keep a pretty tight lid on all the wonderful stuff going on subconsciously regarding my inner frustration with my home situation.

Further Comment: Keeping a lid on is OK but not to the point of ignoring the issues. If it is to prevent conflict with family members that could be positive since such conflict is never healthy. On the other hand if it is to \'keep a lid on\' so to ignore the issues and the unconscious energies you will find that only manifests new issues.

Third Quote
Analysis: The road you are driving is leads to a dead end reflects the path and direction you are going in life.

Your response: I feel that, by this point, the \"dead end\" in my life is attempting to maintain a meaningful relationship with my parents.
Once I have an apartment in the near future I am honestly inclined to sever contact, at least temporarily.

Further Comment: Severing contact with your parents may be warranted and needed. By again it is important not to severe the unconscious influences caused by early life experiences/influences with your parents. These are motivators you may not realize and although you consciously severe contact with your parents unconsciously it is a much more detailed process.

Fourth Quote
Analysis: As for the boat that is launched in salt marshes in waking life. This may point to the \'jovial\' life you live when engaged in social environments {this may be a prime message of the dream} but there are other aspects {perhaps conscious but definitely unconscious} when you have empty feelings, perhaps even periods of despondency or depression.

Your response: I actually generally consider myself an introvert, but it is a bit more complicated than that one word label {note the underline}.
I generally do not choose to inject myself into a social situation and I usually feel recharged and refreshed by seclusion and drained by socialization. Still, once I get in a social situation I am often the life of the party and can utterly control the ebb and flow of conversation in a crowded room.
I actually really enjoy being a social savant in situations like that. I suppose I am an introvert who becomes an extrovert in the company of other people.

Further Comment: Personality labels can be deceiving. But what I read from the dream, and what led me to assume you as having extrovert personality, fits with your true self {what dreams do, reflect the true self}. It could be you are possess introverted traits but have a hidden extroverted personality that needs to fully blossom. The unconscious energies because of childhood issues with parents may be what is keeping you from this.

Fifth Quote
Analysis: Exiting the car is bringing out these unconscious aspects so you can see what they are {I exited my car and looked around at the houses}. Because the dream abruptly ended may point to a resistance to acknowledge the unconscious aspects. And until you do that you will find yourself in another place other than the true self of balance and harmony.

Your response: Can't comment too much on this part, but the above counter-analysis I have given probably will shed light on this too.

Further Comment: As long as it is not a denial of the inner energies then commenting is not important. The whole intent of dream analysis is to bring out the unconscious energies so they are recognized and can be acknowledged. Acknowledgement with an intent to find a resolution to the issue is what is important.

Summary
I believe my analysis was pretty much on target {not to promoting myself}. We have revealed several unconscious energies and once again parenting is a big issue. How this plays out in your current adult life is still unclear although we have identified some aspects. Perhaps the question is are there unconscious energies/motivators at work that negatively influence personality traits and behavior. Considering yourself as an introvert {you may want to read the Briggs Meyers personality basics to see exactly where you fit {Briggs Meyers bases its personality identification on the personality theories of Carl Jung}.

I'll look at your most recent post tomorrow.

Jerry



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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Had a post but it got eaten by spam filters. Lost it so I will try again with a summary.

Quote #1 - I would say working on this is an active focus on my life right now. My responses to other quotes expanded on that, but they're gone :(

Quote #2 - I only keep a lid when warranted. I unload on siblings, very close friends, and in therapy. I use the whole sarcasm/obtuse method when in the company of friends who I am not too close with.

Quote #3 - The intention is only to sever communication, verbally and in writing, with the parents. Given all I have learned about suppressing the unconscious over the years suppressing the unconscious energies regarding my parents is not the goal. I know from experience that would be harmful in the long run.

Quote #4 - According to other peoples' anecdotal evidence I was very outgoing as a very young child and would introduce myself to total strangers. That changed quickly and I was basically a recluse for a long time. Perhaps the pendulum is swinging in the other direction.

Thanks, and I look forward to your next reply.

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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Anonymous,
I'll comment on your response on Thursday.I apologize for the filters but they sometimes do me in as well. They are a part of Bravenet's system I have little control over.

Jerry




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Re: Long Dream About Unconventional School

Anonymous,
Keeping a lid on it when warranted sounds as if there are times when the lid comes off. That couldn't be healthy even if the situation calls for it. It merely feeds into letting the ego self control the emotions {which it wants to do} and manifesting deeper issues related to the unconscious motivators. If you are working on resolving the inner issues your unconscious {the message in the dream} seems to be saying you need to do more or you are not making enough progress to counter the ego demand {the ego is a separate entity from the true self in Jungian psyche, one that resists 'therapy' because it prevents the body/desires to have what isn't healthy physically/psychologically and/or spiritually}. I take it you are consciously aware of your letting the lid off and intentionally do not to try to control it {with the people yo noted}, instead you are saying you use it as a offensive mechanism when it is actually an unconscious defensive device. To support the positive conscious life you are in now requires you to suppress these inner warnings {are you sincerely working on these inner conflicts?}. There are an abundance of motivating factors {from bad parenting/childhood?} that need deep introspection since the outer self can never fully change for the positive until the inner conflicts are resolved. I can personally attest to having an early adult life that seemed pretty good, while all along I was under the control of the unconscious motivators that caused actions on my part I deeply regret now. Once I realized there were these unconscious factors {discovering Jungian psyche and using his Individuation Process} I began the long task of resolving the inner psychological conflicts {like yours, a product of my childhood} because I could see the truth about my life during that period of life. Instead of subjectively looking at life, through Jungian psyche {and dreams} I have been able to look at things objectively and that is where you see truth. I've identified the controlling factors {resolved the issues from childhood}, isolated them where they no longer have any control over my life.
Note: The task of identifying, acknowledging and resolving the psychological issues in ones life is the ultimate goal and prime theme of the hero/heroine in mythology. Outwardly is a story about fighting an enemy {Star Wars was designed from these same mythological themes}. Inwardly is a psychological war to resolve the personal issues related to unresolved emotional conflicts. The two levels of dream address both aspects {outer/more recent conscious experiences that possessed emotional energies and the inner/the unconscious forces that are the motivators and come from life experiences/influences} using the same images. Following the hero path is to work toward resolving the inner issues that control the consciously life. The hero deed of accomplishment is to resolve the issues and find in ones life a physical, psychological and spiritual center which brings about harmony in life. The first 40 years are used to creating the conflicts, the last 40 resolving them {and in between you have a mid-life crisis}.

As for the pendulum swinging back the other way, that will not happen until you resolve the inner issues. The outer actions are a direct result of the inner conflicts. And as with the hero of myth that requires conscious intent and dedicated discipline. Your dreams are addressing these issues.

Jerry



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