U r spot on w/ the beginning of the analysis. Things r changing in my personal. I felt as if I had a beautiful new beginning starting & now things r changing. I definitely wish things were different. Something's have been brought to my attention about myself that I want to change that I really dislike. Somehow I feel like for me to change in some of these areas I would need for my guy friend to change. (He just recently told me that he needs some space, a break, & to get a way. He says he has a lot on his mind. He says that I accuse him of doing things that he does not do however I have asked him on several occasions to stop doing these specific things that would lead me to believe these things about him & he does not. I feel as if he tries to hurt & irritate me b/c I feel like he does not acknowledge my concerns. He also recently did not get accepted to law school, so I know he is really pest about this b/c this is his dream. He is now saying he is moving to another state which really hurts me but I know it will b better opportunities for him there.)

The part about the cars & my parents: my father has always been present in my life and he is a wonderful provider financially & emotionally . He is very present in my life & he is an humble type of individual. We were no where near rich coming up we were just middle class. We had everything we needed & a lot of what we wanted. But u know what's interesting, the qualities u describe r qualities of my guy friend. He has a big ego he wants more out of life he is wishing hoping & praying for a better career so that he can have nice things in life & b a good provider. He doesn't have any children or anything he is waiting until he has a better career. He has tried really hard he has multiple  degrees but he just wishes to enter law school. He has a love for law. I also feel like some things that has happened in his past make him want to pursue this career field. I do feel like he wants people to know he has nice things. He has had it rough growing up. From what he tells me they hardly had anything they were poor. people had to help their family. 

The communication b/t us is not good. He can express his feeling very well. He is very intelligent & out of all the men I have come in contact w/ he seems to express himself the best. He understands a lot & he is an analyzer. there is a downside to this b/c I believe he hides certain things from me. He doesn't tell me the important things I need to know. Like right now he has shut me out when I want to b there for him but i believe he feels I will b hurtful to him during this time. I communicate w/ him in the way that I tell him how the things that he is doing makes me feel. I have said somethings that I am sure hurt his feelings but it is how I feel he treats me. I don't feel like he is focusing on building a relationship but more on his career. I feel like the way that he goes after it is hurting our relationship. He cuts me out completely. He wouldn't talk to me at all during finals & finals were over he wanted to come back around & I said don't come around now. U have ignored me. I resent him for starting this relationship w/ me when he knew he was working towards entering law school. He does a lot of things & one thing that takes up a lot of time is him being the president of this organization. It leaves me feeling left out & ignored.  I have found out a lot about myself since I've been w/ him. I can see the things in my life that have not been healed that I am holding on to that effect my relationship greatly. 

I feel all kinds of bad feelings rising w/in when it comes to him. Like jealousy. I resent when he ignores me but he comments or likes other women's post on Facebook. I feel rejected when he goes off & ignores me to tend to school. He says that I have issues.  He says that it's clear that I have issues. I resented him for saying that but deep down i know that i have things to work on. I don't want to admit it to him b/c i want him to stop w/ the things that he does. (I know this is not the way this works). I don't want him to see these flaws. I want things to look good I want him to see the positive things about me but I know w/in I will have to do so major work. 

I don't know how his relationship w/ his dad is. I remember when we first met he asked me if my dad was in my life. He asked me so much about my family. He doesn't talk about his dad at all. I don't know if he wasn't there for him & his family. The way it sounds I don't think he was. I have this thing that if I sense me asking u something will make u uncomfortable I don't ask. He hides things about himself. I feel like he thinks I know something bad about him I will view him in a different light. 

I realize some things that I have not realized before as I am typing this. I haven't been as sensitive & compassionate as I need to b. we both have issues but these dreams & your interpretations r helping me to see things clearly. It's helping me see that i am holding on to things from my past. Those things that I am holding on to I've been using them as justifications as to y I am the way that I am not trusting & accusing. Being jealous, angry, resentful, feeling inferior, & just putting up walls. All of these things hurt the people around me but it hurts me more. It's funny that when u ask people about me they will tell u that I am so sweet. I try hard to treat people right its hard for me to treat a man right. I  feel really bad on the inside. I wish I knew how to change immediately. 

Thank u so much Jerry for your time

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Agsunshine,
Sorry for not giving a response sooner. So much time required for other things I sometimes wonder if I am retired. I bought a house several months back and that is a responsibility in itself, upkeep, mowing grass, etc. The thing that keeps me most busy is trying to care for the feral/community cats in my neighborhood. I've had 9 spay/neutered in the past three weeks and have at least that many more. I have been involved in improving conditions at the local animal services {we have made great progress-the future looks good}, hoping to save as many animals from being unnecessarily euthanize. I am very much an animal person with 4 cats and a dog {back in Tennessee}. It does put a strain financially but I've made it my job to do what I can to care for the neighborhood felines. Ending the cycle of reproducing is essential and feeding them gets expensive. But I chose to do this and I aim to keep that commitment.

As for your response. There does seem to be a lot of issues not only within your psyche but also with your bf. It doesn't sound as if the relationship will last much longer. I dare say he has a lot of issues also, his not wanting to open up to you. He may be using that by pointing to your issues, deflecting his own and placing it on you. Not a good situation to be in when you have staked so much emotionally into it.

My advice is to work on your issues and let the relationship go where it may. If he is dead set on moving and getting his law degree then I doubt you can change that. It doesn't seem to be an option that you go with him {even if you wanted to}. I would begin to look toward the future and in doing so resolve those issues you have. Resentment is an issue. Look at personality traits as well as why you possess them. If you only acknowledge they exist and not discovering the reasons why you can not expect them to go away. Confronting and resolving the underlying causes is essential if you wish to get past the issues. The next relationship will definitely go better if you have worked on your inner self. That will be reflected in the conscious self. Not only will the chances of success in future relationships be greater, the relationship with yourself will improve also. I dare say by resolving the emotional conflicts in your life will put you in a better position not only in choosing a future partner but insuring the relationship will last. If you look at your current relationship you can see both are at fault. You can't change him but you can change who you are. Not just superficially by by doing the 'soul' work required to understand the true inner self. Choosing the bad boy type is not just by coincidence. It is unconsciously motivated and discovering those unconscious factors will end the cycle of wrong choices. With the impending end to this relationship {it does sound as if it is dying} take the opportunity to reinvent yourself wholly, completely and permanently.

Jerry

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Jerry,

No problem at all I understand that you also have a life even though you are retired. It seems like you are extremely busy a house is a lot of work & that is a beautiful thing you are doing w/ the cats.

Yes, our relationship is nonexistent at this point. We are both to blame. Neither one of us are whole & well enough for a healthy relationship at this time. I have just decided to work on myself & not b w/ anyone for a while until I can get these issues worked out. I hope to in the future have a successful relationship that will last a lifetime. I do acknowledge the issues that I have but I know it's not enough to acknowledge them I have to action & work on them and I am doing this. Thank you for all of your help. You have really help me to see things in a different light. I appreciate your time.

Thanks so much!

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