Hera,
Addressing your comments from your post.
"I've had dreams where I was myself, standing a with a young child. He never said a word but seemed to know what was going on. Sounds pretty expositional."


I have found in dreams, especially if it is in the beginning {exposition} of a dream, the child is the dreamer {if of the same sex}. Of course in this case it would have to be an animus aspect but could be related to your childhood. Or possibly a real male child. Was there a brother or a male child in your early years of life who could know what was going on?


This was about a month ago. I was Corgy-sitting for a friend of my aunts
(with the garden) I love being out there. With no one else around, I can be myself. Every time I'm out there I tell myself
" I'm not going back to that. I'm going to relax and focus on me and then I'll be better." But it never lasts. The second I get back to the real world, to other people that all falls apart.


What inhibits ur ability to be our true self is social duty. Joseph Campbell's definition of Nirvana {in Hinduism/Buddhism Nirvana is a place of perfect peace and happiness, like heaven} is an indifference to fear, desire and social duty. Few people get past social duty to even deal with their inner fears and desires. This seems to be what you are looking for, and what I have worked for and mostly achieved in my life.


Intuition is an under-appreciated, under-used natural skill. Nature provide this 'sixth' sense as a toll for survival. Because we do not need it the modern world it is consciously ignored. But intuition can be enhanced and used as a great asset. I used it constantly when meeting with people. I had problems remembering names and other visial aspects of a person but I instantly 'knew' the person. I credit my ability to analyze and interpret dreams to a well developed intuitive sense. That along with the people skills I learned in my life {I was a health codes inspector for 12 years where I constantly engaged all types of people}. Having a developed intuitive sense gives you an advantage when you learn to 'go with' the first impression and not think about it. It always works. ALWAYS!


Knowing this and learning to utilize your intuition may help with developing your communication skills. Remember, you have an advantage over the person you are speaking to. You know them without even knowing anything about them. That is a valuable asset, when used for doing good deeds.


What happened several years ago that would have caused the change. That is something you may need to give great thought to. Not that everything about the changes are bad {I am an extrovert who has learned to balance that with my now introverted life}. Not doing what you are told is essential in being yourself. But in lew of losing the social identity that sustains the ego personality one must find that thing in life that gives meaning to it. The Muse, the creative self is the first place to look. I have my dream work {22 years of delightful study and practice} as well as my web design and websites {my creative self expressing my true self}. Again Joseph Campbell,
"People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive."


You state you have a comfortable, normal life. So did I but there was always a 'void'. It wasn't until I discovered Jungian psyche that I began to understand what that was. And was it BIG. The void was the inner child still seeking the love, affection and acceptance from an absent father. Those early years of life were embedded in my psyche. A boy who lacked direction because there was never a father there to teach him. A boy who as an adult constantly sought out new 'romances' as a substitute for the love never received from a father {this is a common mythological motif, Luke Skywalker being the perfect example}. I was married three time to three wonderful women {and god knows how many other short term relationships}. Some say this is an excuse. I know better not only from my own experiences but from working with dreams and seeing the same patterns within others. Once you begin to realize the unconscious energies that are at work and make a conscious effort to change that, you begin the path to healing. You learn to let go consciously and the unconscious energies dissipate.


But that is only the beginning. You will need a replacement for the substitute {the many relationships as a substitute for a non loving-father}. That is where the creative self comes in. Finding that thing in life you love doing most, and making that your life. Not to make money but to share your deepest positive self. In the process, and this is also important, you discover a spiritual aspect that helps sustain you in the world of pain and suffering. Not a religious identity but one of in accord with nature and the positive aspects that where meant for our human existence {which we totally lack as a people and which will bring about our doom because of the demise of our planet}. I grew up in the conservative Christian church but now reject their dogma. I hold on to the example of Jesus as well as that of the Buddha. WWJD? When you do that you have reached Buddha consciousness, the highest level of attainment in a human life. And when you create you are sharing from the soul, a spiritual endeavor that benefits both giver and receiver.


I was 42 when I began my inner travels. It took about 6 years after that to discover my 'bliss'. Now I spend my time living that bliss {and caring for an umpteen number of cats}. It is a usual story you find with many who have gone 'inward' and realized it is all psychological. The real change in my social life is to think psychologically, objectively and not emotionally. Most people think and live emotionally {the reason why they are so easily manipulated}. That is where you, and I need to be different. And the great thing is it works. Live a life according to the laws of Karma {cause and effect-what happens in life is most always caused by the actions of the individual}. And find that one thing that is your bliss. Again Joseph Campbell,
"If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."


Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 64 Male Cocoa, Fl

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