Hi
I recently had a very vivid dream that I can't seem to stop thinking about. I don't know if a lot of background is necessary or appropriate, but here's some information that might be pertinent:

I met a man over a year ago (he's older than me and he's someone I met through family) who I grew close with quite quickly. Sexual tension developed between us quickly as well, but it seemed to be something enjoyable and comfortable between us at first. We would flirt and joke about it, but we were more focused on building a friendship as both of us were not in a good place to pursue anything romantic at the time. Eventually it caught up with us and not long into our friendship we suddenly kissed. Then, things shifted (again very quickly). He seemed very intent on pursuing a relationship with me. He ended up having to move around a lot for work, but was very disciplined about making time for me. About 9 months ago he suddenly became very distant and by the New Year, we weren't talking at all. I haven't heard from him in 8 months - he still has a few things of mine and I still have some items he lent me. I don't even know where to send them. He basically disappeared.

Since our relationship progressed so fast, I just figured it was a flash in the pan type thing. I'm obviously disappointed, but we didn't know each other long and nothing progressed beyond a few kisses so I'm not angry or resentful of him in any way. I still think about him sometimes and I do miss him, but even if I never see him again I wish him no ill-will and I'm moving on. I am definitely confused about what happened though, but I'm oddly at peace with the situation.

In my dream, he came to my home to visit along with my family. He handed me a book I lent him back when we were still talking (he still has it) and kissed me on the cheek twice, thanking me for lending it to him. We hugged for a long time - I felt a strong sense of longing and I didn't want to let him go. My family started to stare, which made me feel uncomfortable so I broke the hug.

He lead me into my bedroom so we could be alone and talk. My room was a mess (not characteristic of me) and he had to move a few items to lay on my bed (I think they were clothes or books/papers. Nothing particularly personal or important to me. Just stuff). We talked about trivial things. I was a little frustrated because he wasn't bringing up his disappearance. While we talked I was running my hands along his jeans and noticed there was a small hole in the thigh area. I started to tug on it.

I felt the sexual tension build as we talked but I still felt sad and sort of abandoned by him. I was very happy to see him and talk to him again, but I was still uncomfortable that he wasn't addressing the proverbial elephant in the room, so I started indirectly trying to bring it up (because for some reason I felt like I couldn't voice what I was upset about in my dream). Then I noticed he was suddenly wearing red lipstick. He was worried/upset when I alluded to feeling that way, so he tried to comfort me by holding me and we stopped talking. Then, very quickly (as it did in real life) I felt very passionate and started to kiss him. Things became very sexual and moved fast. Right before I woke up I felt like we shouldn't be doing this for some reason - but it felt very "right". I felt like I was "home" in a way. I then became so carried away by how good it felt and how happy it made me that I just didn't care about anything else going on around me.

This dream was very vivid. I felt as though I "woke up" a little in my sleep in order to pay attention and be "present" in this dream. I'm wondering if some of the symbolism point to some intuition of mine telling me this person isn't trustworthy? Or maybe I'm just trying to provide some kind of closure for the odd and sudden end of our "affair"? Insight would be very helpful

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Female, USA

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Baloo,
I do think the dream is addressing aspects of intuitive sensing. But there is a deeper sensing involved. The dream seems to be pointing to a desire for a relationship but you would have to 'move things around' to 'accommodate' those feelings. Whether this has to do with just this guy or is a general trait does seem to be a part of the dream message. There is a need for affection and since it is normal to desire a relationship with someone who you are attracted to, the dream may be pointing to a need for affection in general as much as it is relationship wise {romantic}. Let me explain the reasoning from the dream images.

Although the guy in the dream has to do with the actual relationship, he would also represent a part of yourself, your masculine aspects. And while there is a desire for a masculine relationship {romantic}, the rest of yourself {family} is troubled because of need for affection. This may be addressing affection/attention from your family/parents in general. That hug has been broken because of the 'family stare' {a long fixed or vacant look}. Something deeper is vacant in your life. So while the dream is addressing the emotional issues {that is what dreams do} to do with this 'missing' guy, it also is probably addressing deeper issues to do with what is missing in your life in general {family}. This seems to be the primary message in the first paragraph {which sets the stage for what the dream is attempting to communicate}.

The second paragraph continues this pattern. You are being led to desires for fulfillment with this one relationship {with missing guy} but that is a stimulus for your overall need for affection. These general aspects are what is in a mess and cause you to have to move other emotional aspects around to accommodate any romantic desires. What has disappeared, or is absent, is a strong relationship with yourself in a way of general affection from family. Jeans are pants made of strong fabric and there is a hole in that. The thigh has to do with performance and the frustration is due to not only the missing guy's disappearance but also the disappearance of not having the family affection. It is an inner tug you are experiencing.

Now we are at the final part of the dream. Here is how I read this part.

Being led to desires for fulfillment with this one relationship {with missing guy} being a stimulus for your overall need for affection. These general aspects are what is in a mess and cause you to have to move other emotional aspects around to accommodate any romantic desires. What has disappeared, or is absent, is a strong relationship with yourself in a way of general affection from family. Jeans are pants made of strong fabric and there is a hole in that. The thigh has to do with performance and the frustration is due to not only the missing guy's disappearance but also the disappearance of not having the family affection. It is an inner tug you are experiencing.


The sexual tension was/is real. And the bad feelings because he has abandoned the relationship {as much as there was one} is real also. But these to point to the deeper aspects I have alluded to in the first two parts of the dream. What is not real is seeing him again in real life. that is metaphorical of your deeper self {dreams speak in a language of symbol and metaphor}. The proverbial elephant in the room {a complex you possess} is the deeper issues and the dream, while addressing the emotional issues to do with the missing guy {indirectly since it is not the great issue}, is attempting to bring up the deeper issues. These are issues that have yet to be 'voiced' in your conscious life. The masculine aspects of your psyche are out of balance {dreams attempting to restore that balance by communicating the unconscious energies responsible for them to waking consciousness}. These masculine aspects are the primary issue the dream is addressing.


You notice 'he' is wearing red lipstick {which of course is not a true experience but symbolic}. The he is your masculine self and what is being worn is emotional truth {symbolically lips communicate what is true}. Those issues are covered within the unconscious and need to be expressed {to restore balance}. Certain masculine aspects are 'missing' {this could be pointing to a father relationship} and they need to be restored {psychologically}. There is an inner passion for this restoration {and it could point to an actual desire for sexual passion}. And while sex in a dream can be addressing sexual issues {romantic relationship} it is also symbolic of psychological completion and the integration of what is missing in the overall emotional life. The ego self doesn't like to admit to the deeper issues because they can be painful {early life family experiences}. But the 'soul', the true self knows it is right to seek what is missing, both in the waking life as well as the unconscious life. This is what will bring you to wholeness {the home is your true self}. What you sensed more than anything is these deeper issues. This would be the reason you felt the dream was important. The dream is addressing deeper is issues to do with your overall emotional life as well as the missing guy {all dreams have at least two meanings/applications}. The overall conditions of your emotional self would have associations to your romantic desires and those could play into who you choose as a romantic interest {like/unlike a father} and possibly show through when in a relationship {consider that as a possibility to why he suddenly stopped calling}. The dream could be about sensing something about this guy and his trustworthiness. But as likely it could be pointing to the trustworthiness of your own psychological state of mind. It could be you were attracted in this guy because he 'seemed' to fulfill something that is missing from your overall/family emotional life. Discovering/uncovering what those could be are the ultimate the ultimate good feelings you could ever have because you realize what the motivating energies are in relationships as well as your life overall. Know thyself and you and any unconscious drives/motivators that are out of balance can be brought into balance. Making wise decisions is often left to knowing what is on the inside, psychologically.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

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My goodness! Thank you so much for such a thorough analysis Jerry! I am so grateful.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around some of the points you’ve made here. This analysis has definitely brought deeper issues to my attention – issues that I haven’t been able to verbalize or even pinpoint by myself (I guess that's why I had this dream ). It’s a lot to take in, but I feel good about finally having something more defined to look at.

I mentioned that both of us were not in a place to pursue a relationship at the time we met – I had recently ended a long, unhealthy relationship with another man and I was dealing with the aftermath of that. I closed myself off through most of that relationship and was unconsciously continuing that pattern even after I removed my ex from my life. Without getting too much into my childhood, my parents had a very toxic relationship that dominated our household. My siblings and I were often pushed aside or hid away while my parents fought – sometimes for days and often our emotional needs were met with anger or resentment (because they were too drained to deal with us). I can see that I might unconsciously be used to closing myself off and suppressing my emotional need for intimacy and affection because I fear rejection…or possibly I somehow believe I shouldn’t need those things. I think I attracted my ex into my life because he fit that pattern – he would make me feel guilty about my emotional needs but would often not respect my boundaries when it came to fulfilling his. We are on good terms now, but the end of that relationship was admittedly a bit traumatic and I think it just elevated whatever fear I already had about getting involved with someone new.

This new guy definitely awakened the desire for a genuine, healthy relationship. When it comes down to it, I don’t really think I know how to have one just yet though. The dream and your analysis reflect this – I need to “move a lot of things around” in order to get to the point where I can be the supportive, loving partner I want to be. It seems I need to work on balance within myself and work on moving past unhealthy patterns.

Not to tell you my whole life story, . I just want to let you know how incredibly perceptive (and HELPFUL) your analysis was.

Thank you so much Jerry! Really appreciate you.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 28, Female, USA

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} No

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