I am in a dark room and sitting in the back of the room is my friend. He is just observing me. Then I'm at the check out stand and my friend is with me. The checker tells me my visa didn't work. I look at it and it has a zero balance. I realize that I did not really need anything, I just wanted it.

This is the only dream I have remembered except for the last one I posted here.
Four years ago I relapsed after 23 years in recovery. I am living in supportive community to learn about PTSD and to find housing. I have not been able to shake flashbacks. I've been drug free for a year.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 61 - female - Ft Lyon colorado

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Leslie,
I believe the dream is addressing issues related to the underlying emotional issues as well as the addiction. The first may have led to the second. The last sentence seems to point yo this.
Here is my interpretation of the images/actions in your dream {this is something new I have begun to do so the dreamer might understand how I came to my conclusions as well as perhaps recognize personal associations I can not know of {only the dreamer can know the personal-I can only outline the emotional energies}.

-dark room-repressed aspects related to negative experiences
-back of room is friend-rejected aspects {friend} within your unconscious {back room}
-he is observing me-scrutinizing yourself and by others
-at check out stand/friend with me-releasing rejecting aspects {getting rid of}
-visa didn't work-affirmation didn't work out
-zero balance-nothing left to give
-did not need anything, just wanted it-addiction

Jerry

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Hi Jerry,
Thank you for your response. I will say, that even though I had a zero balance, I knew I'd be ok. I believe what you said is pretty right on. I am actively working on trauma issues and learning skills to combat flashbacks. They are not only dark and hidden but If I am doing this work, why would I have a zero balance (nothing left to give)...could it relate to my friend? what I put into the friendship? I have not had a friendship with a man in many years and sometimes it really scares me even though it is just a friendship

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Leslie,
You are exhausted emotionally and that is the 'zero balance'. Dreams are about the emotions and reflect the psychology of the dreamer at the time they have the dream. With all that you have experienced in your life you have exhausted your emotional energies trying to find wholeness and happiness. Not that it is the end, you have nothing left to give in life, but you have to resurrect yourself emotionally at every turn to be able to continue your struggle. Life is a struggle and when there is an addition {we all have something we use as a crutch at some period in life} it is even more so. If I had a complete dream I would be able to evaporate more on the dream images/actions. With the little I had to work with I am limited in my analysis.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry, The only thing I left out of my post is the nature of my friendship.
This is a person I met about a year ago and it started with an attraction. I could not harness my PTSD and became so afraid when he touched me that I disassociated from my body. We have remained friends but I am disappointed in my seeming inability to just have normal responses to being touched.
I think that's the only thing I left out of the dreams. I totally agree that I"m having to remake myself at every turn.
sometimes I think of other dreams I had and your feedback that was so right on. I wonder sometime if those dreams can still be at work.
leslie

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Leslie,
Is there an experience that you can associate as a contributing cause for your PTSD? Your inability to allow someone to touch you may have their roots in those experiences {if they exist}. Of course PTSD has many possible causes with trauma experiences being only one of them. Personality aspects {temperament}, neurological aspects can play a big role as well. Trauma experiences involving 'inappropriate' touching would be an underlying reason for your emotional response to being touched. Unconscious stimuli that would cause such reactions.

As for past dreams being at work. As long as the emotional issues are unresolved the energies will still be there. A primary function of dreams is to get the dreamer to realize the energies are there and to discover what the sources are. A dream analyst is able to sense the unconscious energies but seldom the actual experiences from a dream. Only when the analyst has a in-depth knowledge of the dreamer's life can he/she put the underlying images in dreams together with actual waking experiences. There are 'underlying' reasons for your reaction to being touched, either psychological or/and neurological.

Let me state I am not a psychologist nor an expert in neurology. Working with dreams I do know there are the underlying energies that motivate conscious actions. There are always logical causes. Finding them is often the most difficult part.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry, I remember one of the last times we talked, you mentioned that I was needing to be rescued a lot because I was always rescuing my dog in my dreams. I'm glad now that I had all those dreams because it seems like the ability to rescue parts of my self that were alive. I grew up in a very violent home and my Dad kept trying to kill himself. He completed that. I was also assaulted by 6 men when I was a teenager. I was blamed for this, as well as my fathers violence towards me. Eventually, I went into treatment and was able to maintain recovery for a good 25 years. Then I was with women for a long time but that ended awhile ago and I've been on my own for a long time. I would like to be able to date men
I also remember some feedback you gave me on 'going to war' because I kept having training dreams about getting ready for that. That feedback has helped me a lot as well as the dream about being with Jesus and being crucified. I don't know if you remember any of that but it sure helped me get through some things.
I am in this community to l earn mmy ptsd. and now, I'm starting to remember my dreams.
Jerry I don't think a person needs degrees etc.. to know what they are talking about. Your feedback has helped me, you are very knowledgeable, and that's all I need to know.
On a lighter note..when I arrived here, there was a feral cat (about a year old) that no one was allowed to take care of. He was really scared and hostile but I went to the director and got permission. It took months, but long story short, he is sleeping next to me as I write.
Leslie

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Leslie,
If my analysis of your dreams is helping then that is the greatest reward I can receive. One reason I enjoy working with dreams is because there are those times {as with you} when interpreting a dream helps the dreamer realize things about them self that are important. I appreciate your telling me it has helped you. I don't always receive any thanks for what I do and knowing it is helping boosts my desire to continue with my dream work.

Dreams are messages from the unconscious and most often the dreamer doesn't realize or understand who they really are and why they are that person. We are geared to the outer world we neglect what is on the inside. It is there where the true self resides. Your abuse early in life is major reason for your emotional issues in the present time. The energies from those experiences are stored within the unconscious and become motivators later in life. Uncovering, understanding and resolving this energies is what your dreams/all dreams attempt to communicate. Simply by giving thought to the inner self is therapy. Instead of ignoring the issues there must be a confronting of them, understand what they are and work to eliminate their ability to control. This is what you are doing, confronting the issues and trying to put an end to their ability to control. It is self therapy and I believe that is required {beyond therapy with an analyst} to reach full recovery. Identifying the source{s} of your PTSD may help in resolving that condition. Hopefully continued therapy, self as well as other, will resolve the issue all together. Medications help but as long as the underlying issues go unresolved there will never be a satisfaction within yourself. The energies are still there.

As for a need for degrees. I am a good example that needing a degree to understand is not always required. A lot of what I do in working with dreams is intuitive. We all have access to the 'natural' aspects of the psyche {intuitiveness is something we all possess but have lost contact with because we think we no longer need it for survival}. Jung's archetypes are an example of the unconscious energies that we all possess and when you think about what dreams are and accessing their meaning, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure it all out. I am what is considered an 'intuitive Jungian' since what Jung provides in his theories and concepts are nothing more than what nature has provided. Before my transformation in 1992 I was a political junkie, sports freak who was, like 99% of the US population, was obsessed with the outer world with no clue to the inner. My abilities are purely natural. Since I have abandoned the strict application of Jungian concepts when working with dreams {having gone to a general application instead} my success in analyzing/interpreting dreams is gone from very good to phenomenal. This is due to the fact that these things are something most everyone has access to and not a statement of how great I am. A degree in life is as important than one in Jungian psyche {although understanding/knowing his concepts is essential in properly analyzing dreams}. We all have a talent. This is what Joseph Campbell is speaking to when he tells us to 'follow our bliss'. Find that thing that satisfies the soul and live opens up. It took one hour 24 years ago for me to go from a lost soul to finding my soul's true intent.

The cats. Your story is so gratifying. I spend a lot of money and effort on my cats. The feral colony {9 cats} and feeding the community cats was something that as cast on me as a responsibility, not something I went looking for. I had four when I bought my home in Cocoa and when I moved in there were these hungry mouths that needed to be fed. My neighbors tolerated them but never really cared for them {I have built/am building an enclosure for the feral cats to keep them safe}. I have two or three stories of feral cats going from wild and afraid to becoming domesticated and loving. Thank you for caring for your new friend. He will be the best bed mate you will have ever had.

Jerry

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Hi Jerry
cat colony sounds wonderful. What a cool thing you are doing! would do the same if I could.
Yes, I am very comfortable doing dream work with you. You are genuine and honest. Just looking at the image of my friend in the corner of the dark room, has added to other work I'm doing. My personal opinion is that the one true thing I can tell myself, about myself, is through dream work. It's the bottom line truth in me trying to get out.
Thank you again Jerry
Leslie

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