I was thinking more about the early life experiences which you alluded to. Throughout my childhood, my modelling of my father and older brothers I think led to an idea of masculinity as emotional rigidity, unexpressiveness and insensitivity to some degree. Although I think this is common, I feel as though my innate tendancy is towards sensitivity. My path has lead me to oppose these rigid masculine ideals with fervour and the subsequent realisation of a range of emotions I hadn't noticed having since childhood has been very valuble for me. Some experiences I would describe as feeling like a thorough and powerful re-opening of the 'heart chakra'. I will heed your advice on thoroughly examining my early life.

Regarding Goddess worship. I think my tendancy towards somewhat pantheistic beliefs influences this, and I have made conscious efforts to incorporate forms of feminine divinity in spiritual practices, perhaps as a fulfillment of needs, but also to see what I may find out about myself there.

Thank for your time and thought Jerry, I very much appreciate communicating with someone of your expertise and generousity. Might I add that you have given me a greater incentive to try to remember my dreams, perhaps I'll start a diary

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Paiul,
A dream diary would be a good thing to have. Dreams have a message with each dream proving insights to the true self. If you wish to know why you are who you are then your dreams will help in that discovery. By analyzing and interpreting your dreams you will find clues to the emotional energies that motivate personality, attitudes and behavior. And they are fascinating when analyzed. Like a puzzle, when all the pieces are correctly put together a clear picture of the self is revealed. Most often that picture is different from the ego perceived image. Unlike the ego the dream has no bias toward truth. The rigid masculine ideas that motivated you had a foundation and although you may no longer allow those to guide you, understanding where they came from is invaluable in understanding the unconscious energies that still have power to influence your waking life.

As for the Goddess. I too believe in the power of the feminine. I do not have any one belief system when it comes to my spirituality but I do see the Goddess as the primary energy and living from the feminine as the path to true spirituality. God is too ego centered, vengeful, wrathful and with self esteem issues {why else would the first commandment deal with 'other gods' before him}. Jesus had none of these issues and lived from the feminine with a balanced psyche that allowed for objective introspection {the Gnostic Gospels reveals the true Jesus and when analyzed they are pure Buddhism}. There are too many seasonal alternatives to the patriarchal approach to endure the suffering it allows. Going inward is not just a slogan, it is a psychological path that can help heal. Dreams are nature's device in the healing process.

Jerry

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