Hi Gerard,
I understand most of this except the paint rollers and changing the steps into a ramp. I interpreted the financials & interchanges with Dave to have personal meaning, fair representation of the current situation. John is the deeper meaning as he represents my Animus. With the feminines' defense to incorporating it has been fear of loss of control and feeling total responsibility for the self combined with knowledge of past mistakes. It appears the Animus is actively seeking to join with the feminine. If I interpreted this correctly, getting them, the Animus and feminine, to dialog with each other will lead to mutual understanding & acceptance of respective position's in the psyche and hopefully, indicative of progress toward incorporating the masculine aspects I seek.


Notes:
1. Financials improved but with the new business it's an edge. Began job hunt for immediate income moving business to part time but worked many, many hours this and last week on business.
2. Dave & I discussed his moving. Tabled finishing talk until later this week. We're talking about it, it's a difficult situation.
3. John is my childhood best friend from literally birth thru grade school. Last saw him three years ago.

Many thanks,
Kathy

Short on the bills. Need $242 to pay mortgage. Don’t have it but will get it. With Dave & mom, Dave tells me he fell behind on the bills & talked to someone who wants $275 for (?) but he has only $40. I tell him I’ll pay it. We’re at the barn, looking at & talking about remodeling the house & barn. At the hardware store with Dave, looking a display of paint rollers. They’re used to apply decorative paint. The rollers are sized large to small. They have coppery rollers one with very long coppery bristles. I joke to Dave about them. I look up on the wall to see examples of what the paint looks like using the rollers. The rollers make 3 dimensional shapes. There’s some hanging on the wall, Dave pulls on one, a design of a vine with small leaves on either side. I tell him not to, he’ll break it. As it comes loose from the others I see it’s a sample, there are several on the hook, they’re stuck together. Think to myself it's a cool idea.

Dave asks me what he’s to do, were will he live, doesn’t have anywhere to go. Tell him I don’t know. He gets mad, says he’s invested as much as me in the house. Remind him he hasn’t, I paid all the bills since the beginning including the house. He cries, says he knows but what will happen to him when he doesn’t have me to take care of him.

Sitting in the living room with Dave & Mom. Hear noises from the room next door. It’s an apartment & it’s the neighbor. I go to see who it is. It’s John. He tells me he’s been looking for me, trying to find me. We talk. Tells me he loves me, has since we were kids. Wants to marry me. Tell him I can’t, I’m buried in debt, have a mother & ex boyfriend to take care of, that I may lose my house and it wouldn’t be fair to him, John, to marry him. John tells me he’s wealthy, has money to pay off my debts, my home, and to take care of mom & Dave. He's still in love with me. Tell him I must think about it. I need to get ready for work. Replies he’ll wait for me then take me to work. I protest saying I can drive myself. Says he wants to, to spend time with me since we've been apart for so long.

I go next door to change clothes. Walk in the door, Dave there. I feel guilty, think he knows I was talking to John & what we were talking about. He doesn’t. Asks how I am, tell him fine, need to get to work. Looking for my clothes. Mom there, asks what I’m looking for, tell her I need my white slacks and top. Find them in the laundry basket, put them on. Tell her I’m going to work. John outside waiting for me. He has a car & driver, we walk to the car & get into the back seat. He’s focused on me, looking into each other’s eyes. Tells me he’s missed me, he knows I still love him. Trying to talk me into marrying him. I look down, tell him I’ve done some bad things in life, things he doesn’t know about me, that if he knew he shouldn’t want to marry me. Replies he knows about everything in my life. Tells me what I’m thinking in my head, listing those things. I ask how he knows so much about me. Replies in trying to find me he had a report ran on me for clues to where I would be & knows everything. Then says it doesn’t matter to him, he loves me. Tell him I need to support Dave for now, Dave not having anywhere to go, & mom living with me. Says he’ll pay off the house & the two of them can live there. Ask him how do I know if I still love him, it’s been many years. He leans forward taking my face in his hands, kisses me softly. I kiss him back. My heart racing. Face close to mine, whispers ‘Now do you know?” Tell him yes, I still love him & want to marry him, but I can’t let him pay my debts or take care of my responsibilities, they're mine, not his. How will I learn the lesson if I don’t do it myself. Replies he’ll help me & I can pay him back but only if I want to. Tell him yes but I must take care of it, he can help. Smiles at me, tells me he understands my need to be in control of my life.

Arrive at work, he walks me inside. It’s the brick building again. (Had this scenario in several recent dreams. There are no doors or doorways, open from one apartment to the next. There’s a walkway leading from one apartment to the next. A new apartment starts when a wall begins on the left. A brick paved road outside the apartments.) I tell him I’ve been lost here before. I look up to the right, see an old woman sitting looking out her window watching us. We turn around then exit the walkway to the brick paved street. There are steps in the street. Before I couldn’t figure out how to get my car down the steps. There’s a luxury car dealership. John says we’ll ask them, they sell cars and will know how to get his car down the steps. As we approach two men John asks ‘I need to get my sports car down those steps but I don’t want to tear it up, how do you get cars down the steps?" The men smile as one walks to a lever which turns the steps into a ramp. The other man replies not many people know how, rarely does anyone ask.

Tell mom & Dave of John and the wedding. Expect Dave to be mad & hurt. He’s not, was just scared he wouldn’t have a place to live. Now he knows he and mom will both live in the house, he’s happy & happy for me.

John & I marry at the large white house, in the front yard, green grass, we built next door to my old house. Next morning standing in the kitchen, hand him money. Know it’s little compared to the amount I owe & think about how long it will take makes me sad. He smiles lovingly & knowingly at me. I’m no longer sad, he reads me, understands me. I smile back.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 42

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Central OH

Kathy,
Looking at your dream I see the mid-life issues that are normal inter-twined with the goals you wish to accomplish in your life. Being a Campbillian as much as a Jungian I see the world of the psyche wishing for the life of creativity. The one thing that holds us back, indeed pervents most of us from even thinking about tit, is the world of social duty. Deep down I believe we all wish to find that balance of our creative self and the social creatures that we are. Unfortunately the social dragon is in control. Here is my thoughts to your dream. Take them as possibilities and expand on what you understand about yourself along with Campbell's assessment of needing to incorporate the creative self as part as a balanced life.

My 'quick' assessment of your dream

You are coming up short on paying yourself. Numbers are often symbolic of the state of mind. 242 is eight, a desire for wholeness in bothe the physical and metaphysical life. You have yet to achieve these goals. It may because of your desire to incorporate the masculine self. You have realized the higher self {mom}. 275 is a number that added together represents change {Jung says adding numbers together in a dream is common}. The masculine aspect has $40, the feminine aspect is paying for these changes {you pay it, the feminine pays}. You seek that simple place but remodeling is being contemplated {changes in your lifestyle}. Paint covers up what is really underneath. The ego still has ideas of decorating itself. You are testing the possibilities. The masculine tends to do what can be damaging, the feminine tries to assert her authority. You have an idea of what to expect but have only samples of the reality. Yet the challenge to the feminine is inticing.

Your practical self questions the possibilities. The masculine is impatient. The feminine is the center and without the feminine the masculine would fail.

The noises are from past experiences. The apartment is a compartment within the unconscious. John probably represents past experiences of innocence that can no longer have merit in your world today {social duty trumps love and creativity}. The masculine offers rewards in an effort to take control {using trickery}. But the feminine resists. Past experiences still linger.

You make the next move, the changes in your life {changing clothes}. The masculine aspect is guilty, not being able to replicate the past innocence that it once represented. Social duty calls. The higher self questions your priorities, the changes. But it is not so black and white. You look at the old self before the changes. You give in to the social dragon {work}. The innocence that you wish for is in the back seat, no longer availble to drive you. But it is always a part of you, the innocence. You wish you could unite the two, the past and the presence. But the whole life must be reconciled. You are at the mid-life stage. Looking back, wishing for what might have been. Seeing what is, the reality. The masculine self asks for understanding, begins to understand the need for the feminine to be in control {think of the feminine aspect as the metaphysical, opposite the phyiscal call to social duty}.

In your social world of duty and requirements. You feel locked in, no way out. You go from one emotion to the next. You are lost in this world. You can see the true self but the road you are on is set. You must take one step at a time to find that true self. But you can not figure how to get yourself to that place. The past innocence that once saw life as a luxury is now filled with the masculine demands of social duty. The desire is to find the true self. But few people do, rarely seek that place where there is true balance.

You wish to unite the past innocence with the life of reality. The masculine self is afraid of being left out. But you know that you hjave to incorporate the masculine with the higher feminine self. This is balance you seek in your world of social duty.

Next to the life of reality is that desire to return to the innocence that once was. You wish to unite the two. But the social demands of reality is always present. It is a world not equal to that of innocence. But you have that innocence to look back on. By accpeting the masculine, as though as it were still a part of your innocence, you feel you have accomplished your goal.

But you do not understand the paint rollers and the steps.
Gerard

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 55

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Male

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Murfreesboro, Tn

Hi Gerard,
As usual your interpretation is thought provoking and accurate. This dream exactly mirrors my current state. Working the past two weeks on the business commerce site has occupied all my time and energy leaving me no time for self work or fun. I consciously knew it but ‘repressed’ the internal unrest to get the vanilla site up. I’m self taught on computer programs learning on the fly as I need them. I’m pretty good at figuring it all out but the site development was a struggle due to the deadline. It’s usurped both creative and self work time. (‘I’m going up to the roof I’ll be down in a minute.”) Working at home by myself I don’t have an array of people as the OPD (Obnoxious Personality Disorder) outlet I’m accustomed to for fun, release and return to creative.

I’m a trained logical and find it difficult, nearly impossible, to switch gears between logic and intuition when immersed in either aspect combined with stress. I’ve not yet learned how to gracefully move from one to the other during intensely detailed logic work. And the feminine resents being pushed aside for the moment. It’s one reason I left systems and programming twenty years ago. I think devoting my entire being to logic and repressing intuition is expressed in the dream. Loss of or repression of intuition is what the feminine is paying in exchange for the masculine logic needed to accomplish the site development. And the feminine lost time for continuing self work. I feel intuition trying to sneak in while working but push it aside, as if it’s an intrusion.

Social duty is driving the decision to return to full time work as I do feel locked in, no way out. The masculine is driving that decision with justification of steady income and the lure of more free time. All the while the feminine knows from past experience working in sales the income isn’t steady, travel involved equates virtually zero free time and it’s a physical and emotional drain. And the big one, I work on a relationship basis not sell, sell, sell so few companies understand or want my philosophy in sales although it’s proven very effective in the long term. The feminine acknowledges if the self can’t work to internal ideals the result is the same as before, internal chaos lost in a state of wildly fluctuating emotions leading to a crash and burn landing.

Absolutely the balance I seek is as you stated. Then the immediate path lies in three stages, or steps? First, recognize the masculine justification is unrealistic (don’t’ paint!). Second, employ a technique as before (visualize the worst possible outcome, devise a survival plan and the positives that come with it) to regain control and let go the uncertainty. Third, fully releasing the intellect through fun for balance & return to creative. With this I can fully focus on intellect when needed then release it to return to creative & intuitive self at the end of day.

The night prior I dreamt of taking a wild ride with two close friends, Carrie and Madeline. We took a wild ride in Mad’s silver VW Beetle with me sitting on the roof, (the roof was open in the front) Mad driving against the traffic. All of us laughing and whooping it up the whole way. Mad yelling we’re way out of control, you’re insane, I can’t believe we’re doing this, Carrie yelling GO!GO!GO! with me yelling You’re doing great Mad, we’ll get there soon, drive faster. She speeds up still dodging oncoming traffic. Wind blowing our hair around. At the time I looked at the dream as needing to rush afraid to miss an opportunity so the following day worked an extra long day on the site. Now looking at this after your interpretation I see additional aspects: I need to have fun to release the intellect during this project; and to stop moving against myself. (I always have to do things the hard way…).

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 42

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female