Two nights ago I dreamt my husband went to another state for a week, to look at grad schools, I guess but he had found a girlfriend. He came back and then he suddenly left. Those were the first two segments of the dream. I knew he abandonned me and was never coming back. It was horrible. Then in the third part of the dream, I'm having an affair cause I know my husband is out of my life forever, even though we didn't finalize a divorce (cause he disappeared with his girlfriend and I knew he wouldn't come back), so I felt guilty. The guy was my husband! It was confusing, it looked just like him, but it wasn't him. The fourth part of the dream was me trying to buy a subway ticket to go to a huge grocery/superstore. The ticket seller asked me which part of town, I said where the metal railing ends. I got to the store and was looking at sliced turkey. At some point in the dream my husband was weeping.

I woke up feeling like it was all real and it happened. In the last dream I posted, it was an old dream but I think its important for me to try to understand it. I dreamt it right before my wedding actually. I mentioned before I also have lots of dreams about cheating, my husband cheating or I'm cheating. We are newly married, so this is strange. I think my dreams are interconnected and are trying to tell me something that I'm not getting in real life, but I feel lost. I don't understand what the symbols fiance and husband really represent.

I also think the dreams about double ears I had is telling me to listen carefully about thinks related to my marriage.

I really need help, I am so new to dream analysis but I really believe it can help give me guidance, which I really need. My last dream has a ton of symbols that I'm still unsure of their meanings.

Thanks,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35/abroad

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

May,
That you are newly married and dreaming of infidelities may describe insecurity and/or trust issues in the relationship. Did you encounter serious doubts prior to the marriage, maybe not about infidelity, but rather about the union altogether?

Dreams also address inner Self issues of feminine and masculine aspects. Females have masculine aspects, males have feminine aspects. Perhaps in this new marriage you feel one or more of your masculine aspects have abandoned you as you feel you must now rely on your husbands masculinity in those areas. Possibly you seek to replace them with other inner masculine aspects however you find these are exactly the same traits of your husband that you’ve incorporated rather than your own or newly developed traits. Perhaps your own inner masculine requires integration rather than relying on your husbands.

Dreams very well can be connected. Just recently I reviewed my dream journal and found, EXACTLY as the experts describe, my ‘life story’. Amazing really, how dreams so profoundly present the very inner most unconscious workings to the conscious. That, in my case, the conscious mind can be blind to what is so visible and apparent to the unconscious.

You are correct in that dreams will guide you if you listen and pay them proper attention. If guidance is what you desire then don't give up. It does take a great deal of time and real committment to learn and work with not only dreams but psychology, spirituality, mythology, etc as each of these are important supporting aspects in dream interpretation. Or rather, dreams support the latter... I should add, I'm not what any would consider learned in any of these subjects, yet. The reward is well worth the time and effort. I now see the direction of my life, have discovered my creative Bliss AND am thankful for the journey, past, present and future, of Individuation.

Thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy!

Thanks for your reply! I think you are right on. I did have some doubts before marriage, for a number of reasons. Some of those doubts have been resolved, but clearly, many have not. I think I am having insecurity and trust issues and that is probably why I am having these dreams.

About integrating the inner masculine, I think you are right about that too. I've never been married before and I had no clue what a huge transition and in some cases sacrifice it is. Because I've had so many questions about marriage I asked for a lot of advice and a lot of it was just bad advice. I got things from be independent, to be dependent so that you motivate your husband's protective side. I think a healthy balance is more important. I was really really independent in a lot of ways before I got married, and in my engagement fluctuated. But I read some marriage books about how being independent makes the husband feel he isn't needed and starts having affairs, etc etc, and I just got scared and have been trying to rely on my husband more. In some ways it feels natural and other ways like I'm acting. (Maybe I should stop reading these terrible books that scare me.) Maybe some of my inner masculine strengths are not as developed as they need to be and that might be what is motivating the dream. I don't think my dreams have literal meanings but perhaps life is mirroring what is happening in my psyche? These dreams are so emotionally charged, they feel so real, and I wake up feeling they actually happened in real life. I feel I have a long way to go in my process of individuation.. I hope my dreams can guide me further.
Thanks for taking the time to answer. Best wishes,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi May,

Very sorry on the delay here. Life is back to normal here for the next week, I think.

Perhaps if your husband would be open to discussing these issues the two of you can work together to resolve them. You are correct in achieving a healthy balance is most important. Advice is often colored by a person’s own complexes and life experiences. Even with many popular psych experts found in a lot of the self help resources available today. They don’t get to the core of the issues as most in mainstream society are looking for quick fixes, which don’t work. I’ve found both Jung and Campbell ever so helpful and relevant in regards to helping to live from the inner Self rather than by the outer Persona/ego.

And yes, mirroring your Psyche is an excellent metaphor. The emotional charge is probably related to the importance these issues are to your outer & inner Self.

If you’re interested in learning more about yourself perhaps try a Jung based personality test. Personality tests are not the be all, end all of self discovery! However, they can offer some insight into our inner Self. If you have time, about 30 minutes, try the following link to Keirsey’s Jung based personality test. Again, not all of it will be relevant but it’s a good jumping off point to examine some inner workings. And just the free info is a good start, no need to pay for the extra stuff…

Keirsey Temperament Sorter

Your dreams will guide you. You've taken the first step in recognizing your dreams hold important meaning and seeking a way to understand them.

Your information and detailed response is greatly appreciated.

Thanks ever so much,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Dear Kathy,

Thanks for your reply. I will definitely check out these resources you told me about and I will share these dreams and issues with my husband. I actually already have and he is very reassuring. On some level I know these dreams might not be about any literal infidility, but inside my pschye at least there is some deception, or hidden cheating going on. Also, the idea of this shapeshifting, or transforming husband that cheats on his wife and is also the same faithful one, or the one I had of me cheating on someone who turned out the be my husband (I had that motif in at least one other dream as well), is really getting my attention and I'm really wondering what that is all about. It's as if the dream is saying, things are not what they same...you are cheating on your husband, yet the man you are cheating with is your husband, so you aren't really cheating are you? or in the other dream where it's my friends, it's saying, her husband is this faithful man traveling along the road of life with her, yet he is also out there, somewhere else cheating on her? What does all that mean?

Why is my pscyhe using the motif of cheating to get my attention? Why is it associating cheating with abandonment? In this dream and in a newer one I posted?

Maybe I am cheating myself of something in life, or part of me is cheating me of living fully and I am so not aware of it. I keep trying to think what that is and so far have not come up with anything.

Thanks again and I really hope we can keep this dialogue going...I really want to find out what is going on!

Thank you Kathy!

May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Hi Kathy,

I just took the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, and I'm an Idealist. It explains a lot.

Thanks for the link, it gave me some good insight about my personality, struggles in life, differences from those around me!

Thanks again,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Hi May,
You made an EXCELLENT point in regards to a deeper meaning in these dreams of possibly 'cheating on yourself'. Are there areas in your life that inside you feel you are not developing to their highest possiblity or fullest extent? Do you allow yourself creative outlets that allow you true self expression and work to nuture your inner Self? In that perhaps it is a masculine aspect that denies your Self this?Or perhaps, since the focus of the dreams is on a masculine aspect, do you see or feel a need balance your personality with masculine aspects like intellect, agressiveness, competitiveness, etc? That possibly you 'cheat' your Self of these by not recognizing the need.


I too am an Idealist and knowing this has helped me in recognizing areas in my Self both positive and negative and facilitate self work. Another web site for more indepth information on the Jung & the Myers-Briggs personality types is Personality Theories by Dr. C. George Boeree

You also mentioned in the other post the Archetype of Blackbeard. In this, perhaps consider what do you feel has been robbed of you & by what of your own actions has this been facilitated? Possibly examining this will lead to connecting all these dreams in a single theme.

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

Thanks for your support and encouragement. I checked out the link you posted here, and I'm and INFP. Go figure, I thought I was more extroverted, more sensing, more thinking and more judging. If I had to guess I would have said I was an ESTJ. Very interesting. This tells me how important my inner life and dreams really are to me, and how frustrating it is when I don't have clarity there. I thought about the Blackbeard motif. For a very long time now, I have been on a spiritual quest, for the Holy Grail, for Truth, for Nirvana, we can call it what we call it, for what is Numinous, Divine. As of late, I have been surrounded by very fundamentalist type people. They are all of different faiths, Christian, Muslim, Orthodox, whatever, or people who think Religion and Spirituality are some sort of make-believe joke. I've always been interested in religion and spirituality but on my own terms and had to fight with family first, then friends to have the space and freedom to explore things like Buddhism, Mystical Christianity, then Mystical Islam, Sufism. Yet somehow I attract these other negative fundamentalist types who surround me and suck the life out of my questing, and making me lose the sublime meaning that is every so hard to perceive in the first place. That is definetely one area in my life that I've been struggling in, throughout my life. It's hard to stay on The Path is it is, of our Life Journey, without having negative nay-sayers or pushy people trying to nudge us off the cliffs. I think this is something my dreams are trying to point to. I know it seems abstact, that's the really strange thing, but I feel it in my gut that this is certainly part of what the cheating motif is about for me. Religion and Spirituality are in a sense the foundation. I think I'm also not living my life to the fullest in other ways as well and really need to think about that some more and make changes. I'm sure (hopefully) my dreams will keep guiding me.

I also think that on an emotional level, the part of me that is getting cheated on may represent my shadow elements, repressed hurt or insecurity. I need to explore that more too.

Thanks again, so much. And I hope that your impass doesn't last too long. Good luck! And
Best regards,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Hi May,

The difference between perception of who we are vs who we really are is an example of ego/Persona and the inner Self. A good Jung based personality test assists by giving the ego/Persona or conscious mind an outside perspective of what's really inside so it can begin to come to terms with the inner Self. Perhaps, through life experiences, you've felt a need to develop this E mask but it's not an outward projection of your inner Self. Not living your inner Self. Hence, the conflict coming through in your dreams. The unconscious mind desires balance and communicates such to bring about necessary change.

And you make a good point about spirituality. Jung's model incorporates the spiritual aspect as a fundamental component of Self & the journey.

Thank you for your well wishes. I'll take the insightful knowledge offered, relax and live in the moment.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Dear Kathy,

You are so very welcome! You seem to be stuggling as of late and going through a rather rough time. I really do hope things get easier for you and from your challenges you find fruits of success. I sincerely do wish you all the best!!! Your feedback on this forum helped me so much, I really appreciate your insights, I can't tell you how much.

I thought about what it means to really be INFP. Wow! What an insight. It seems to be a huge piece of the puzzle. I get really really drained when I force myself to socialize longer than I have energy for, and instead of just cutting things short and going home and reading a book, or sometimes just saying 'no', I can't go out today, I go and end up yawning and returning home exhausted. I really need lots and lots of down time to replenish, renew and rejuvinate myself and I didn't realize the extend that I've been depriving myself, 'cheating' myself of that. So, as far as practical application, I'm just going to give myself more quiet time, time to reflect, ponder, be without the pressure of always being busy. I think that alone will make a huge difference.

I do think there is also something to the 'masculine' aspect that I need to look at. I'm still waiting for insight to unfold there. Also, the questions of spirituality have a lot to do with my being INFP. INFPs are always on a quest for meaning. Being around fundamental people who have all the answers kind of cheats me of making my own meaning......

I also wonder if the jealous feelings have to do with my husband, my childhood or other things...

Take care Kathy, I hope things get better for you and hang in there. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!
Best regards,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} female

Hi Kathy,

Lately I've been thinking of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, and my type. I thought I was an INTJ or INTP. Somehow though, I'm wondering. Perhaps my dreams of cheating and abandonment mean I'm doing so to myself, and maybe it has to do with living a false self. For the sake of experimentation I decided to check out ESFP's and I feel like I have a lot of those qualities as well. If it is true that the parts of our personality that are rejected go into our unconscious then I wonder if maybe I was born an ESFP or ISFP, and that the type I'm living out now is what I had to develop to be accepted by my family, but isn't really me. Every time I take the test I get different results and I'm not sure when I'm answering the questions if its really me, or if I'm answering based on how I've been used to being for so long or conditioned to be by family.....

I think this may have a lot to do with my dreams, and I feel like when I have a better understanding of my true type and live by it I will connect with myself more and be more aligned with my bliss. Any ideas how to make the test work out more accurately?

Thanks again, so much for your interpretations. You raise many new and helpful points and I deeply appreciate it.
Best,
May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi May,
Welcome back! I hope your time away was peaceful and joyous.

I see tests as gauges rather than definitive. Any test result is only as accurate as the answers… answered from the ego/Persona results in the external mask. Likewise, answers from the inner Self reveals the inner Self. Often times, I’m learning, the head purports the ego, the heart the inner Self. Try answering consistently from your heart rather than your head then perhaps you’ll be closer to the real you.

You’re welcome, and thank you for your wonderful contributions to the Forum. From each other we learn and journey as one…

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

Thanks! This forum is really great!

Your advice was good. I took the test again and tried to answer with my heart and felt like I was getting the 'right' answers that way. I'm still not sure what my type is but at least I'm in the process of figuring it.

I love doing dream work. There are so many levels of meaning and its great that there are others here as well working on their own journey.

I agree with what you said, 'we are one.'

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. It really makes a positive difference. I think you are brilliant and your dream interpretations show so much insight and self knowledge. You really know what you are talking about and clearly have done alot of work in this area. I'm always impressed by your interpretations, for my dreams and others and find them helpful. You have so much insight Kathy, thanks for sharing that skill with all of us and helping guide us along our journeys.

Thank you again.

May

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 35

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Dear Friends,

Here, in hindsight, a dream before marriage or around marriage (which is supposed to be a happy transition even if it means the death of the older aspects of singlehood) filled with foreboding symbols and feelings....

went to another state
he had found a girlfriend
he suddenly left
he abandonned me
never coming back
It was horrible
out of my life forever
he disappeared with his girlfriend
knew he wouldn't come back
I felt guilty
was confusing
was weeping
all real and it happened

. . .

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 38

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes