In my dream the man I have a crush on (Mr.Y) was showing me the photo of his girlfriend proudly saying (as if he wanted to make the point that he was not considering me) “this is her, isn’t she good, this is her” and I remember thinking that she looked too ordinary for him and all I could say was “yes she is just a girl with brown eyes” and then suddenly regretted saying it thinking it made me look culturally insensitive.

In the next scene I was with a friend (male) whom I hadn’t seen for years (our fathers had very similar jobs) whom I heard had married a girl his family and friends didn’t like and he was (too) solemnly telling me that he liked his wife.

Then in the next scene I was back, and my housemate (a female friend) told me that Mr.Y had invited the couple who were visiting us to his house without inviting us. They were all sitting on the balcony of his house next to our flat, and I looked from behind my window and saw them (they didn’t see me) and suddenly felt a pang of pain seeing the “preppy“ and clean-cut couple with him, especially the girl who looked very ordinary but was from a very good family. Mr.Y was watching the girl and he was comfortably wearing a white bath robe and looked very sexy and attractive which made me feel even more sorry and angry that we were not invited..

thank you,

Fish

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 36

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Fish,
A few questions from reading your dream before a personal aspect interpretation…
1. Is the crush in waking life? (Don’t want to assume…)
2. If in waking life, what is your relationship with Mr Y…friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc? And is Mr Y married or in a relationship? Is he much older than you?

Your answers will greatly assist in interpretation of the possibilities in this dream.

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hello Kathy,

Yes the crush is in waking life
And we are neighbours but not close friends, I heard he has a girlfriend whom I haven’t seen, and he is a few years younger than me..

Thank you for being interested in such a shallow sounding dream, the reason I put it up was because I feel it may reveal things about some of my deepest fears/inferiority complexes.
And although the crush is in waking life I still think he symbolizes other things as well and I would be very happy to hear any interpretations..

Many thanks,

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 36

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

Hi Fish,
I apologize a response is so delayed here. I will complete this interpretation & post tomorrow evening.

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Fish,
Again, my reply is very delayed and I thank you for your patience. And thank you for providing additional information and your thoughts about the dream. The dream is not at all shallow. The unconscious doesn’t function in the same light as the waking mind so this type of waking assessment doesn’t factor into dream interpretation.

With your additional information the dream may describe a repeating negative behaviour or thought pattern (photo, friend from the past, similar statements from both males). And the title may indicate this is a second occurrance or situation - possibly the Call to Adventure that has been heard but not heeded prior. Click the following link for more information on Joseph Campbell and The Heroes Journey: The Heroes Journey: The Call to Adventure

Perhaps a perception of Self as not measuring up to (another’s) expectations, or possibly a perceived social class distinction as being outside of the desired social class, non acceptance or even a lack of Self worth. Or perhaps you hold your Self to lofty but unrealistic goals. You may seek confirmation or approval/acceptance from outer sources, particularly males. The emotions are real, those emotions you experience, sorrow and anger, when you do not receive the outer attention you seek. If you feel this may apply, an underdeveloped animus could manifest as projection, a crush, in that unconsciously you focus on a male possessing these traits. Masculine traits being rational intellect, competitiveness, aggression, etc. (Click on the animus link to the left for detailed information about the animus.) An unconscious attraction to what you desire to be, to develop, within. Projecting is a signal to look within to determine what masculine traits require positive development. By developing these traits you work to resolve the inner issue and provide balance, would then no longer be compelled to seek these in the others.

What was the relationship like with your father? Did he place unreasonable expectations which you could never meet, never live up to? Was he insensitive or belittle you causing a lack of self worth?

Even if you think the interpretation is not close please let us know your thoughts. The dreamer’s response is equally helpful to the student whether the interpretation is close or not. It allows us to examine our thoughts and knowledge, or lack of, to better our skills.

Also, should the interpretation feel close please know that many, including me, have experienced unconscious projection, the under developed animus or anima. If you can view this as a positive step in Self development then you have already taken an important step in personal development. That in itself is a courageous movement.

I look forward to your feedback.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Dear Kathy,

Thank you very much for your reply and your encouragement. Your interpretation is very correct. I will read more about the animus and the journey. For many years men in my dreams were not talking to me, they would (usually in the character of an ex-boyfriend) look at me and not answer back (ignoring again) and make me feel small, so it is actually a progress that this one is at least talking.

Last night I had a dream where I was watching my crush Mr.Y, he was very natural, casually talking to people around a big table, and I was watching him with a smile on my face when he suddenly turned to me and said “why are you watching me?” in an angry way, and when I just asked him “what did you say” he said “ok -nothing” and turned back to doing what he was doing.

Yes my father always placed unreasonable expectations which I could never meet, and was insensitive and frequently belittled me. I actually made up for it (I thought) by achieving some masculine successes (career wise, by travelling, having adventures (of all kinds other than those requiring intimacy with men) and becoming an achiever, living an independent life etc) but there is a big problem of intimacy with men, I even conveniently married (and then divorced) a man who was not very masculine. And again conveniently never actualised/acted on previous crushes which could have solved my fear of intimacy with attractive men.

I understand why I am projecting and having crushes now, but I am at a loss on how to create a healthy animus by other than all the things I have been doing.. any insight /recommendations for further reading would be very much appreciated..

Thank you and best wishes

Fish

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 36

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

Hi Fish,

Thank you for your candid response and thoughts. To start, Man and His Symbols by Carl G. Jung is the layman’s bible of Jungian psychology. Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth is an excellent read. Although I must add, my Self work resource list grows faster than I can keep up with it. Keeping a dream journal and working within Jungian psychology is an amazing journey to Self discovery. [Maybe Gerard can add an MDS Resouces page as a single source for books/videos/etc so visitors can view or print before heading to the library or bookstore...subliminal typing... ]

The Myths-Dreams-Symbols site contains much relevant information for the female traveler. MDS is a large site so you find it helpful to bookmark the Site Directory page. Link here: Myths, Dreams, Symbols Site Directory. Try The Feminine Perspective section at the bottom for good animus and archetype info plus links to sites dealing with women’s issues.

From Man and His Symbols, section The animus: the man within…

“Just as the character of a man’s anima is shaped by his mother, so the animus is basically influenced by a woman’s father. The father endows his daughter’s animus with the special coloring of unarguable, incontestably “true” convictions-convictions that never include the personal reality of the woman herself as she actually is.”

Often partiarchal society, and our fathers, demand we repress our natural feminine traits to both survive and gain acceptance in the overly masculine 'man's world'. We indoctrinate to this at the expense of the feminine traits. Repressing the natural functions while requiring the opposite functions dominate creates an imbalance in the Psyche. Also, underdeveloped lessor functions can have the same effect. Developing balance in both feminine and masculine serves the Self.

Regarding the new dream…Mr. Y could again be your animus. In the dream the feminine could be passive & content to allow the animus to dominate the Self (sitting quietly & smiling). Perhaps a feeling the masculine is the correct aspect to lead the whole of the aspects of Self (sitting around the table). The animus could possess an over developed aggressive trait, while the feminine passively defers. Although if this is the case this creates an imbalance within that the unconscious communicates through the dream. This is really a shot in the dark type question so could be way off base...do you sometimes exhibit passive/aggressive behaviour? I ask because in this dream the masculine is hostile aggressive while the feminine is passive. Additionally, fear of a hostile aggressive masculine, the negative father influence, may be a source of the wounded feminine feeling. This could act a defense mechanism, preventing you from actualizing relationships and/or allowing intimacy.

With projection, such as crushes, it often helps to examine the traits of the ‘object of desire’. There could be some trait the crush possesses which your inner Self requires to develop for balance. Likewise, if you experience repulsion to someone it could be a trait you also possess however are not yet conscious. In Self work a person learns to acknowledge and own, be conscious of, either under or over developed traits. This consciousness leads to integrating the aspect or trait to positive Self development. For me, once a trait is brought to consciousness I begin to observe my thoughts/actions, become mindful in that respect, and over time make numerous slight adjustments until the proper balance is attained.

Again, thank you for participating in the Dream Forum. It’s good to see so many people involved in finding meaning in dreams. And as always…the interpretation may or may not be close. As you provided detail about your personal life it’s more likely to be close but only you will know if an interpretation is relevant.

Kind regards,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

Thank you very much for the interpretation and the information. I will buy the books asap. Your interpretation of the second dream helped me understand the roles the characters play in my dreams in a way I had not realised before. Actually I have a few othere books by Jungian writers and last night I read excerpts from them and tried analysing the two dreams further before going to sleep and was looking forward to a significant dream with further conversations with my animus and I had the most surprising dream..

In the dream I was in a lesbian relationship..In my waking life I do not have (at least am not aware of) such tendencies and I never fell in love with a woman. And the girl I was kissing was just a girl I know from work who is not significant for me (I actually find her rather unattractive) but she is the only openly lesbian woman in my circle. I was kissing her, enjoying it, and at the same time thinking to myself “this kissing practice will be good for me when kissing Mr Y. as I have not kissed anyone for a while”. The real life girlfriend of the girl I was kissing was also kissing a female friend of mine at the other end of the room, so we were four women in the room.

I realise this forum is not meant to replace therapy so if you chose to not to comment on this third dream it is perfectly fine. I was surprised to have this dream of being intimate with a woman while I was working on my animus and intimacy problems with men and decided it would be better to share it than not and if you feel that it is significant and would like to comment further please feel free..in either case I will not put up any further dreams!

Thank you and best wishes,

Fish

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 36

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

Hi Fish,
This is one reason the Forum is so great! It allows us to gain outside perspectives to expand our thinking to areas we may not have, or as quickly, on our own. I truly appreciate your feedback and dialogue.

Good work incubating the new dream! It is significant…it would seem you incubated an identification of cause and possible solution to the intimacy problem with men. For women, to heal the masculine often begins first with healing the feminine. The new dream could show developing and accepting the feminine, healing the wounded feminine. By which the prior dream denotes the negative father influence may have wounded the feminine resulting in over developed masculine traits/animus. That this could be the unconscious prohibitive factor in relationships with men. Kissing is sometimes symbolic of union or integration, in this dream possibly pointing to a need to develop and accept the feminine through Self work. That in waking life you find this woman ‘rather unattractive” could denote non acceptance, or (learned) negative attitude toward the inner feminine, feminine traits and/or your Self. The unconscious can utilize any woman character…but chose an ‘unattractive’ to symbolize the negative inner attitude toward the feminine or Self…?

Recently read The Fisher King & The Handless Maiden by Robert A. Johnson. Very informative regarding the wounded feeling function in both male and female. You may find it useful.

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

Hi Kathy,

WOW! This has been a great exchange ..I am truly grateful for your input, insight and encouragement. I feel I need time to digest all this and work on things that have been coming up and I thank you very much for your contribution.

On another note, I read the Woman as Temptress post you put up (if it was you) in the hope that I could help too but the thing that got my attention was the part before the dream. I had heard a story in which Jung was upset at one of his female patients because she was postponing her marriage (or moving or something similar) because it would hinder her self work. And he told her that her “commitment is to life, not to therapy”. As I do not know your current situation at all giving this example could be completely off base or even rude (without any such intention of course) and I hope you don’t mind – it was just a thought..

Many thanks again and very best wishes,

Fish

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 36

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} F

Hi Fish,
I welcome your assistance and thank you for your interest. I'm glad you found the MDS Dream Forum of interest as we all learn in this exchange.

Yes, I posted Woman as Temptress. A little background...My ex husband & I split ten years ago. Little more than a year past I ended a six year relationship, so that was the second failed adult relationship. For me a part of Self work is resolving psychological complexes regarding relationships…my part in the failed marriage and my part in engaging/staying in the second relationship. It’s why I’m sensitive to relationships for the time being.

Regarding the attention, I was unaware, each time another person mentioned it. Although I’m intuitive this is a blind spot, always has been. Hence I questioned the projection factor in relation to the dream content. The conflict between the female and male character was a negative segment in the dream. After some evaluation I don’t observe any waking unconscious projection on my part. Just a planetary alignment or some such…

Many thanks,
Kathy

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 43 Central OH

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female