You are totally right about the cultural side of things. I don't practice Reiki, but as my previous reply states i am very deeply involved in my meditation practice, and totally dedicated to it. It hurts me greatly that i have to constantly lie to my parents about what i am in india or nepal doing, as they would certainly not understand my spiritual beliefs. I cannot stand to lie to people, and to need to lie to my own parents causes me great, great distress, but i see no other way, as they have made it very clear that they would never support me concerning this. I am totally torn in this respect. I always have to lie to them about almost everything that i do in fact, that has always been the way, otherwise they would only disapprove. They are immensely controlling and conservative people, though i certainly do not blame them, for it is to be expected when they have grown up in Egypt under that same structure. (We certainly do not have a close or connected relationship, however as a result.)

I have made life extremely difficult for my parents in terms of the lifestyle that i have chosen. I am totally free and independent and refuse to be held back by any of their expectations of me. I do what i want, and always have. I just have always been too curious about life to be held back by them. Ive always needed to find my own truth. Though this causes me feelings of guilt and pain, as i know it hurts them a lot. But what can i do? I don't know how to resolve this problem within myself.

Would the danger you refer to be danger in terms of the danger i spoke about in my last post, about getting in too deeply in my own mind perhaps, for fear of never making it out again?

The interesting thing to me is this though.. I only happen to be in Egypt now, by chance, i grew up in the UK, and i left the UK 7 years ago. However my life in the UK was strongly, and quite distressingly influenced by my muslim, egyptian background, as i have mentioned. I have spent the past 3 years in india and nepal. And i only just flew into Cairo a couple of weeks ago (and i leave soon). But it is very very clear to me that this in no coincidence, for if i was in another place i certainly would have made no reference to my background, and so you would not have analysed my dream in light of its cultural significance, which i believe is totally on the mark.

The male aspect would probably not be to do with an actual relationship since i have been to focused on my meditation in the last years to involve myself in relationships. I wonder if the internet, if being a sign of communication might point to this. Because i have spent, and do spend most of my time (in the last few years) alone and in silence i have been unable to form lasting relationships on a romantic, but also on a friendship level with anyone at all (plus i am constantly moving about from one place to the next).

I am a little saddened by all this though, because i knew it, but i had thought that i was over it all, i did not think there was such a large part of me that still feels so 'anti-social' and that feels like it needs to fit in. How do i resolve this? It has been so many years, and i still cant seem to get over the controlling hold my parents had on me while growing up (and still do though i am now so far away from them). I just want to enjoy being free and doing what makes me happy! (which according to my dreams i cant seem to be able to do..)

Also in terms of the masculine side of my personality, i very much feel like i am lacking in much strength & will power, and i hate to see myself as weak, though often that is just the way i am, though i certainly wish it was not this way.

Many Thanks! :)

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