Amshaw,
I will address your total response tomorrow. I think we have discovered a lot in our conversation. I like to think if I get the dreamer to start thinking these things my job is mostly complete. Once that process is started the dreamer, if they serious about true self discovery, will take it from there. I've had many people do just that and over time stop by to post a dream. But they have discovered for themselves the answer they seek are within their own psyche. The inward journey is psychological and no one knows their own psychology better than themselves.
But it is amazing how much dreams do reveal.

As for the ego. I agree, a healthy is essential. But the ego that we develop as we grow and age is so imprisoned to society that we do not know who we really are. And if we don't know that society will rule our lives to the end. We never will discover our greatest assets, those talents we possess that give meaning to life. For that to happen there has to be a death and resurrection of the ego {Jesus on the cross motif}. In reality the ego must be thoroughly annihilated and then reborn. This is a psychological death and rebirth. If those things that unconsciously control the ego life are not completely disarmed they can resurface into something just as bad. We substitute what we lack in emotional nourishment with something else. Food, sex, drugs, alcohol. Those tendencies never completely leave us. we must find a way to control them instead of them controlling our waking actions. of course the first thing is to discover what it is that is in control. That can be a long and involved and often needs assistance. I was able to do it on my onw using Jung's Individuation Process. But Jungian 'thought' is a natural fit with my psyche. I have always been interested in psychology. It wasn't until I was 42 I began to seek out my true self. Now I am living it, working with dreams and designing my websites.

Jung discovered we all possessed a spiritual aspect. Less to do with religion that with a spiritual being not indebted to the ego and meant to serve others. And within the framework of nature. Often that service is from the muse. Or in my case helping others understand their dreams so they can discover their true and higher Self. Discovering ones 'bliss', the thing that gives meaning to the individual life. When you follow your bliss doors will open where there were none. That has happened time and time again on my journey. It is amazing but there are so many like myself who follow this path {see the link to 'bliss' for the reason why}. Natural laws have a lot to do with it. But being your true self, the whole self, the greater Self. that is where the ego must be to be truly healthy.

Jerry

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Dear Jerry,

Thanks for your reply. I do agree to the points you mentioned about the ego in your reply.

However, I await your total response to my previous reply.

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Amshaw,
Exactly how exactly the relationship with the woman fits besides the humiliation would require knowing a lot more about you and your mother. Not your mother today but when you were a child between the ages 1-10. The possessiveness about the woman and why she felt the need may also have associations to your mother when you were a child. Perhaps the tyrant mother included aspects of possessiveness. I dare say your mother had a need to control, most 'tyrants' do. As a child your psyche would take in all stimuli from experiences and store it away. You would have not understood these actions by your mother but your psyche would take notice. Those early experiences and influences would be the foundations of who you would become as an adult. But again to completely understand and associations would require a more thorough examination. That type of investigation is what I do as a service locally, with people in the area I live.

To the reasons why you took up with the woman. She had a tough exterior but was weak inside. Could that describe your mother? Later on the two of you became friends. That has repeated itself with your mother today. You became the mother you never had. You were saving her but unconsciously you were wanting to save your mother. The woman was a substitute. Whatever is missing from childhood finds a substitute in adulthood. It can manifest itself in many different ways {my lack of a father relationship was in many female relationships, much as he did instead of being the father he should of been}. I think you got it right when you stated, "Maybe I “nurtured” her as a friend, because I felt she needed “nourishment” like how I needed". You were still looking {and expecting} nourishment in return. "I think this unconscious need to nurture and be nurtured in return could be a problem for me, because I could have been not emotionally nurtured sufficiently as a child?"
The dream starts out talking about your childhood from the years of 1-10. Again, when I see this in a dream it is invariably a statement of those early childhood years.

We need to differentiate your childhood years and your adult life in relationship with your mother. She has changed, and evolved, and you have evolved. You are an adult as you state and how to react to the relationship would be complicated at best. With all the emotions within you from childhood, how the rest of your life, hers, has evolved would greatly determine the relationship today. Its the relationship with other women the childhood experiences would have an affect. You prefer younger woman because of older woman want to dominate. You do not want another mother but 'need' to be the mother. There has probably been an acceptance of your mother in the present because of you natural maturity. I know I out grew the need for repeated relationships after the age of 40.

Not wanting to be in a relationship after the experience with the 'woman' is understandable. That relationship has also shaped your psyche, perhaps added another dimension. Older women have always been a problem, starting in childhood right on into adulthood. Instead of female relationships you have substituted work. That is a common thing for a person to do.
{after three failed marriages I haven't been in a serious relationship in 30 years. But I, like you, do have a relationship. It is my dream work and design my websites. I call these my mistress}.

Confidence is often determine by early life experiences. I am a natural extrovert but lived a very shy introverted first 18 years in my life. No confidence in myself. We have to find something to empower ourselves. For me it was sex {even after I began to find my confidence}. You turn to your work and seeking wealth. I turned to sex and had three failed marriages looking for the love I never received from my father {that is a common mythological as well as psychological motif-the son looking for the father-think Star Wars, Luke looking for his father}.
By the way. Where was your father when you were a child? That invariably enters into the equation.

The humiliation is a product from the relationship with your mother, in the past. You psyche was formed during those early years. Your relationship with her today has changed but the influences from childhood remain. That is what your dreams are trying to help you to resolve. The therapeutic value of dreams supplied by nature.

As for the harm, it would emotional harm. Being aware of these early life influences and the unconscious control they can have will only help you to be a better person {if taken seriously}. Hopefully time will heal the wounds from early life. If you dare it might be a good thing to talk those experiences out with your mother. Until those issues are resolved, and that could be hard to do without confronting her, they will be a part of who you are. But the psyche is strong and the damage may mostly be 'naturally' resolved. Perhaps the worst it could do is prevent you from having a future relationship with another woman. If you get to that point to can look back at what we have discussed and have an idea why that is so.

A healthy ego is one that has undergone a death and resurrection. It is a psychological task and not literal. There must be a transformation and that can only be achieved by resolving those inner conflicts {why it is psychological}. I began my journey 20 years ago when I discovered Campbell and Jung. In most ways I am a totally different person. The one time sports junkie/couch potato, obsessed with looking for love in all the wrong places', has changed into someone who has a focus on growth, has developed principles {personal and spiritual} to live by, and has found the bliss that gives real meaning to live. Material wealth is fleeting. Internal wealth is forever. I don't have the first but do the former and it has transformed my life for the better, there is no doubt.

Not that I condemn any wealth you have accumulated. As long as it isn't off the back of others. There has to be a spiritual element because the soul is not physical, it is a metaphysical property. Jung discovered this spiritual aspect and all of those patients who discovered it found a healing for whatever it was that was in conflict. I am a religious person, religion is for lesser minds and those who need to follow. But I believe very much in a spiritual soul and living life from that. Karma, cause and affect, in accord with nature, WWJD, that type of spirituality.

From where we began I believe we have come a long way in discovering much about your conflicts. This the first step. Whether you wish to continue is up to you. You can live your life as it is, do nothing ad it may turn out to be a good life. But when you begin feel that void within? That is the soul calling seeking expression of the true self. The true self is not encumbered by emotional conflicts. The true self is free of those things and has begun or has already discovered a 'bliss' in life. Material wealth if used for the good of others could be a bliss factor. Bill Gates does a good job of sharing his wealth. But more often it is associated with the muse, creativity and always spiritual.

Jerry

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