Dear Nan, I am the webmaster of this website and just read your post. My heart really goes out to you. I can remember my angry alter being so bad and terrible to my husband, she said things to him that now I find disgusting and embarrassed about. When she would go into a rage, I knew what was happening but didn't know how to stop it. I had a lot of pain and anger inside and didn't know how to deal with it until I went through therapy. It took me 15 years to get through it and my angry alters have now found peace and my marriage is so strong. I cannot imagine being my husband and having to deal with my angry alters, I would have left him long ago if the tables were turned but am so glad that I didn't now.
I wish I could tell you what to do, and that it will be alright but until he gets professional help, I'm afraid "his controlling" his alters will be almost impossible.
I had to reach rock bottom and had a mental breakdown before I went for help. To be quite honest, I knew I needed help all of my life but just didn't know how to go about getting the help that I needed. I didn't know that it would be so easy to find the help that I needed.
I ended up going to my Primary care physician where she listened to most of my alters telling her about our life. She in turn referred me to my psychiatrist who in turn referred me to my therapist. In one week I had all of my support lined up and in place. Like I said I was in therapy for fifteen years so it does take a long time to fix what has been wrong all of those years.
I am so sorry that I do not have any answers, I just hope that my story can in some way give you the courage and strength to hold on. He may have to reach rock bottom but don't forget that he can be helped but only if he goes for it.
If you need to talk about anything or just need support, please don't hesitate to write me personally. I can't do much but I can listen and maybe give suggestions.
I wish I could do more.
Sincerely Candy LIttle