Woman3Gifts_Response_Feb-15-13

Quotes of your words are bolded and italicised.

This wiser self is trying to open this entrance (garden gate) to new knowledge but there is the burden of the old self's history {old books}

After my dream of the 3 Selves I knew I had to do something more specific to further my growth than journaling my thoughts and dreams. I went to the library and got “Meeting The Shadow” which to me is a ‘scary’ book. What I was doing was trying to advance my knowledge – get through the gate – but at the same time there was an element slowing me down or holding me back: the books falling to the ground, i.e., my childhood experiences.

The teacher description points to the wiser self, inner and outer descriptions that you are seeking to activate. The old self begins to fall apart when you open this 'way' into your inner garden. It is a slow process, intentionally slow which reflects the process itself and ...

You are very correct. This is an element of my personality that I have NOT been totally conscious about. On one level, I had realised this about myself in relation to how I approach a problem in need of a solution. When I went to college in ’93-'96, I had to relearn how to learn, having been out of school for a very long time. I studied Plant Science, a discipline requiring specific measures and methods. At first I was more in doubt about being able to do this course than I was in certainty, but my determination kept me on track. Then a realisation dawned on me that my natural ability to learn was particular to me and if I worked with that, I would be fine.

I am a “gardener” by nature, so my process for learning and growing is slow, as you surmise. First, I gather all my resources around me, drawing as much of it to me as I can, to get the big picture. I prepare the ground, so to speak. Then, I dive in, reading, digesting, taking in as much as I can, as in sowing the seeds. After this ‘gorging’ of knowledge, I stop and let time, and my unconscious, take over. When the time is right, and there is a definite ‘time’ for this, a shift happens and out comes the answers and responses that uncover the problem’s solution. The plant starts to grow.

It is a slow process and I’ve been ruminating on this, whatever “this” is, for a very long time. The shift is now happening, I can feel it, as I work with you in using dream material and unconscious resources to ‘grow’ the new understanding and attitude of what I have come to see as my Freedom from the past. Last night I dreamed of a hummingbird changing into a butterfly.

... probably how you approach life in general {in an objective and orderly manner, not letting emotions take control}

As mentioned above, I knew this to be my study process but I don’t think I was aware of this also being how I approach life. But it makes sense! “not letting emotions take control” is SO right. This is also a defense mechanism from way back.

Emotions are from my inner child, in a way, and can make me ‘lose control’ if I let them out too often and too loud. So I keep them in check as a protective measure. Since you can’t keep a boiling pot silent by placing a cover on it, my dream of my dark self draining me is also an indication of the inner turmoil potentially harming me.

The trouble is with this ‘method’ is that it may work well for studying but when it comes to life and making progress in my individuation, the shift has not been so forthcoming as I would like it to be. There is something holding me back, slowing me down... the old knowledge from my past that is falling apart around me and disintegrating into pieces.

It’s also a picture perfect representation of what my book looks like right now. I have been writing it for so long, starting from different angles so many times, that it’s all in ‘pieces’ on my hard drive. Word documents piled up, so to speak, and spread all over the place. It’s definitely slowing me down because now, I am faced with the huge task of untangling those threads – putting the books (just realised that the 3 books falling are also the 3 parts of my book that I have planned) together in a readable, coherent format.

The “acid is .... something that can eat away at you.”

Acid is also an agent that will destroy a book if you leave it alone and don’t do something to stop the degrading effects of the acid. Is this relating to the possibility that, if I don’t do something about my past, and by relativity, my book, that it too will disappear, eaten away as it were by my own inertia and stagnation? I think this fits the description for me, as well as what you say that the past – the old knowledge symbolised by the books – can eat away at me.

You are covering all aspects of your inner journey {both sides of the counter which represents both aspect of your search, personal and spiritual}.

Very good! I knew a kitchen was in dream parlance a general reference to being ‘fed’ or ‘nourished’ with unconscious knowledge, but the counter is a new element for me. The items on the counter – a book, some papers and the ticket – all representing ways to achieve, or acquire, something.

Finding them (the tickets) is realizing this {complete wholeness consists of knowing and reconciling both your past and the promises of your creative/spiritual future}. There is confusion in your waking life over which is which {you had thought you had resolved the personal issues only to discover you have not and this has interfered with your spiritual quest}.

It’s so interesting that there are two of the tickets that she gives me, not one, and they are not the one that I find on the counter. I think this refers also to me trying to do this alone, trying to find my way to my freedom on my own. A ‘ticket’ is a way of giving permission, or allowing admittance (admitting the truth as well as being admitted into this special place of higher freedom) and in reality, I have tried to do this alone for years, decades, and I have not succeeded in advancing much on my quest. Coming into this forum, as public as it is, I’ve finally admitted that I don’t know it all and I admit that I can ask for help, and trust that it will come.

Realizing the truth is a gift from your wiser self. You are now drinking the knowledge of wisdom, you are on a path of the sweetness of understanding your whole self.

I am being given permission to do this by my higher self. This makes so much sense to me as I read your interpretation. Your gift amazes me!
It’s all amazing! I will continue with the third and fourth parts later.
For now, I will post this in my response.

Raymonde

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 60, Atlantic Canada

Have You Posted Before? Date of Last Post {Use Search and Your Post Name to Help Find Last Post} Female

How Did You Find the Dream Forum? Yes