By all means, take your time with the response!

The posted dreams are very interesting, and more so are your analysis of them. I try to interpret the dream once I read it before I read your analysis and the two are just completely different and yours make way more sense. I'm getting a tiny bit better at it now, though. It's helped me see some other dreams I've had before, too.

It's wonderful that you and your son do that for the cats. I adore cats. They're amazing creatures. I volunteer as a kitty-socializer for someone who runs a cat rescue in our neighborhood. It takes so much work for a rescuer that I think they do more than they get out of it. It's sad but admirable.

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18, Female, California

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Anonymous,
I'm responding to your latest post pretty much as I read it {in greater detail}. If I make a point and read something that clarifies that point it is because I am responding as I read your post, attempting to dissect your response by comparing it to your dream. I always like to look at responses and compare it to the dream to see how it fits.

The matter of trust is likely an issue that comes from early life experiences. Once betrayed it is hard to be swayed, especially if there were early life experiences having to do with trusting someone. These things are implanted in the developing psyche of a child and often become influencing if not motivating factors in later life. They can be unconscious even though there are conscious actions as a result {let almost anyone go at the slightest sign that I can't trust them}. This may be an issue your dreams are attempting to help you resolve. Not necessarily merely a trust issue but the type person or situation/relationship you have with them. If betrayed by a man {father as an example} as a child, the experience can become an unconscious motivator in later life relationships with men. This is usually a negative attitude to have but if there is an intuitive recognition associated with it then positive aspects may result {good at dealing with things how I believe they should be dealt with}. Once betrayed you learn from the experience, if your psyche has the ability to do so {from experience I strongly believe in the intuitive psyche and for some people this is a powerful asset}.

The issue of sex and intimacy could very well be related. It could be the indifference is a result of early life experiences that have been pushed back into the unconscious. Sex as a part of a relationship may have deeper meaning. In your childhood there appeared the first zombie in your dream. If you investigate when that was and can remember any experiences just prior to the dream you may realize what that zombie was about. We pretty much know you are protecting yourself as a child but what we need to know is the reasons why. The problem may simply be the violent attitude of your father {the man}. Along with a mother who had an indifference toward you we can see why there would be issues from childhood. Cutting away any anger would require a cutting away those experiences as a motivating factor in your personality/psyche. That would require analysis and therapy, something that takes time, courage and discipline {not giving in to the unconscious energies that are a result of early life experiences}. Are there other issues you can consciously recognize that may come from those early years? Recognizing the issues, acknowledging they are there and a determination to rid yourself of them is the path to healing. Few people know such energies exist. Of those who do few are willing or courageous enough to do anything about it. They live their lives in constant turmoil, never knowing wholeness or true happiness. This is what I say it requires courage and discipline to resolve the issues.
{in mythology, which is the universal dream, the hero/heroine is not only fighting the evil opponent, they are also fighting the inner demons which is what truly makes them the hero/heroine}.

Your fear of hurting someone is most likely an issue that needs to be resolved and a primary focus of your dreams. And it explains the inclusion of your nephew in your dream, the associations of anger and doing harm. You are not only protecting him from yourself but you are also protecting the child within you that suffered {this may answer your question about being conscious of your anger but not actually taking your anger out on your nephew} . And it may be the reason you are able to control your actions by tapping instead of hitting. The children in your dream are you and your unconscious mind has a special protection toward children because of your childhood experiences. Your nephew is about the age you were when you were first physically abused and that could have registered. With an older person you may not have such control.

These issues are strong, you recognize what they are. The positive thing is you are working to resolve them. Analyzing your dreams is a step in that resolution. Your pessimism in life is a direct result of your childhood and there is that great need to heal the inner child so the adult you are becoming can develop a positive attitude. Doing the work now {most don't even begin until midlife if they ever do at all} can remove the pessimism and take a life that was headed toward a destructive path and turn it around.

Your Notes
It is uncommon to have memories at the age of 2. Usually memories begin at age 4/5. But traumatic experiences may be different. Your father striking you would definitely qualify as traumatic, especially to a 2 year old. The experience at age 7/8 along with the experience at age 2 would explain the zombie dreams between the ages 3-7 {as stated in your original post}. As I stated in my first response anytime ages are a part of a dream they are 'ALWAYS' pointing to actual life experiences or a time frame {this is a statement other analysts would frown upon as a fact, especially Jungian}.

The memories at age 7 when you had thoughts of cutting your father demonstrate the deep pain you possessed as well as the strong influence his physical abuse had on your psyche. His abuse started so early it is reasonable to see why at age 7 you had these thoughts. Instead of cutting him you started cutting yourself. That can be looked at as an act you wish to perform on him but the deeper act was a need to cut away the cruel abusive childhood years. I hope that has passed and you no longer have those desires.

All the zombies are men. This is likely pointing to the negative impression of your father but may also be an overall view of men in general. You can't see their faces because you have yet to meet a man you can trust {I'm asking a question}. In a deeper sense it would also have to do with animus/inner masculine aspects. I won't get into those possibilities since they are probably secondary to the issues to do with actual men.

There could be associations between your first abusive experience at age 2 and your 2 year old nephew being the youngest kid to be in your dreams. Dreams use images for a specific purpose and do not randomly pick and choose. All images have meaning that relate to the dreamer's psyche/life.

In the zombie dream where you got separated. If you look at all the characters as being you then it may make some sense. At the end of the dream it specifically states X is you. The rape would be symbolic {unless there was actual sexual abuse as a child}. The ruins would be you and your life, inner and outer. The women zombies would be you in ways that are likely negative, or something that points to unconscious contents {black hair}. The scream is an inner action. It may also point to attempts or possible thoughts of asking for help from others. Your mistrust of people may have prevented this.

If you will further explain your response about the 'family'. Is this your real family or, as an unconscious reaction, your inner family, you way you feel about yourself? The 6 years of trying to no avail and letting the family go. Can you provide more detail about this {that you are comfortable in doing}?

I'll provide an analysis of the dream you posted in your response either later today or in the morning. I worked 11 hours yesterday and didn't have time {or energy} to buy 'groceries' for my kitties and need to do that. I'm better at analyzing dreams in the morning hours so I may wait till tomorrow to give my best insights. I do want to continue our conversation because it does seem there may be dire circumstances to what we are discussing. You may have taken a huge step in turning things around in your life by posting your dream and our discussions. I am not a psychologist but I do want to help you in finding answers {which includes therapy} that would help you resolve these issues. Identifying them first will be a great help, not only for you but in any future therapeutic environment you may have. To go to a psychologist with a knowledge it usually would take him/her many hours of analyzing, that would be very helpful and cut the time needed for healing by a lot.

Jerry

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

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Anonymous,
Just you would point to going it alone. A whiteish clearing may suggest an opportunity to 'cultivate' who you are {make positive steps in your life}. The mess would be your life and the pressures would be from those experiences. Floors are your foundations, childhood experiences/influences that shaped who you are. The countdown may point back to those beginnings {0} that 'launched' who you are. Many negative experiences {small messes} launched as a child that are carried within your unconscious. Included in these influences would be the affect on your ego personality {clothes}. Each had tremedous neagtive energies reflecting the severity of your childhood.

My take on the ages 5-12 may be a time when these earliest experiences began to manifest themselves into actions {such as thoughts of cutting yourself}. They began to subside when you got older which may coincide with moving out of the situation with your father. In general as we grow older we move out of childhood and the issues during those years and away from whatever was the cuase of the issues. Plus as we grow older we place our attention on the outer world and the issues become unconscious. You are able to forget for awhile the trauma but they remain in your unconscious. There was a need {when you had the dreams} to get away from the 'messes/pressures' and as you grew older you were able to physically do that. But psychologically the issues remain. The real need is to leave them/resolve the issues {psychologically} and not let their influences return.

Does this fit? It does seem to go with your other dreams.

Jerry [pray

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 65 Cocoa, Fl

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Hi,

I don't necessarily feel like what happened was traumatic, though. I was raised in the environment. While it was happening and after it happened, yes, it was scary, and I didn't see any hope, but at the same time I don't feel like it was truly scarring. It was all I had known for a long time and I didn't have anything different to compare it to. It was normal. I'm not sure how to explain it. And I don't think it's a subconscious thing. What effected me most was watching my siblings and my mother suffer abuse. That was always what had gotten to me the most, rather than getting abused myself, so it doesn't really matter that I was abused. I don't have any bitter feelings towards my “father” (I don't identify him as my father. Biologically he will always be my father, I know, but that means nothing to me). I've let him go.

Sometimes I don't have an issue with trusting people at all, though. There are times where I can let someone into my life without having to think about it and I reason, I'm good at letting go so if I need to let go, I'll do it, and it won't be a problem, so why not take the chance? But the contradictions there don't make much sense to me so I've been trying to sort that out...

My indifference to sex is because I believe it's really pointless. It's very material (I guess that's the word), which I've never really cared for. The mind and body are two different things to me and I don't care for the latter. For others it may not be that way but for me, I think it is (and because I “think” it is and don't “know”, that's why I'm revisiting the idea, to make sure. I'm open to the possibility that I'm wrong. But I've heard out the many views people have on it several times and I don't buy it).

Aside from trust issues, and fear of what I'm capable of, I don't believe there is anything else. Not that I'm aware of, anyway.

I wouldn't say my pessimism is a direct result of the abuse (unless you mean that by way of how the abuse opened my eyes). But it does play a large part. A lot of it, too, though, I would say is what I've seen in society. It doesn't exactly leave much room for faith and hope. If I go into that though it'll probably sound more like teen angst so I'll leave it at that.



Response to Notes:

When I contemplated killing him it was because he had abused my mom that night. He argued with her for a long time. About 2 hours. I figured if I just killed him it would make things a lot easier on her and everyone else. I'd probably go to jail, I thought at the time, because the justice system sucks, but I'd be okay with that. I ended up not killing him because I reasoned it would hurt my mother a lot more to see me in jail forever than to be abused by her husband forever (which kind of brings me to think about what I said in the first paragraph of this post).

Yeah, I have yet to meet a man I can trust, but I don't, as far as I know, have a problem with that. I don't necessarily see genders. If there's a woman I can trust I see it as the same thing as a man I can trust because essentially, all that matters, is that they can be trusted, they care, and won't leave. Be it with a masculine or feminine touch means nothing to me. Or it could, but I'm not going to know that if it's subconscious, of course... I'm still trying to sort that out.

I think there is an association. I've been having a lot more dreams with my nephew in them now. Just last night I had one and again, I was saving him (from a train that was going to crash. I can detail upon that if you want).

Why does the dream go between X and I, though? Because X represents a certain part of me?
As far as I am aware of there was absolutely no sexual abuse.

I put family in quotation because I don't identify it as an actual family. Individually I'm related to them all but family doesn't do the things this “family” has done, which is try absolutely nothing. No family is perfect, but if they can't even meet one extremely low expectation, there's something wrong.
I don't feel comfortable giving many details about this yet. I've purposely been vague. I'm trying to decide whether or not I'd care if someone in the family found this.

What you said about the dream I used to have fits/makes sense. Again, I don't feel like what happened was traumatizing, but it could be me downplaying the issue (what with everyone saying “Others have it worse” in basically every situation it can get to people. But I know that just because others have it worse, I shouldn't avoid my own problems and pretend they mean absolutely nothing. So I don't think it could be subconscious and I'm not downplaying the issue? I don't know! I'm confusing myself more).

I think I've always been ready to move past what happened. In some ways I feel I have but it's just that, I've found myself in very similar situations twice now. So while I'm moving on, the past, in quite a literal since, appears again, but with slightly different roles. It's like trying to teach a dog not to be scared anymore but it's not removed from its abusive environment so there's no way for it's not to be scared, and to expect it to be anything else would be silly. I don't actively seek out help, because I'm someone who likes to help myself. Feels like more of an accomplishment if I do it myself. And I raised myself for the most part, and it's not like I'm a psychotic killer, so I did something right. And if I could do that, why can't I help myself, too? But I don't have a problem with people trying to help, either. If help finds me, and they think something needs to change, it's kind of like... “Okay, I can do that. I'll go with it. Sounds good.” If I came here because I want help, it'd be the first time I've sought it out myself, while also being a subconscious thing, since I came due to how I always choose knives interested and confused me and I couldn't figure it out. But I also knew my dreams were telling me something was going on, so maybe it wasn't all that subconscious? I forget the thoughts I've had frequently though so my selective (if that's the right word) memory could be the source of my confusion.





Question:

What if you control your dream? If you control your dream, does it mess up what your brain is trying to tell you? Is it damaging?

When I was younger I controlled my dreams a lot. I knew I was in a dream and if I had to run away from something, and there was nowhere to go but say, some cliff ahead, I would take control of the dream because otherwise I would die. And I'd give myself flying abilities and become supernatural. I stopped because there would always suddenly be a supernatural enemy to stop me. It got annoying. I don't try to control my dreams anymore because I like to see where they go, with some exceptions.

I watched War of the Worlds and I honestly find those aliens kinda creepy. Not the aliens themselves, really, but the “space ships”. The sounds they make, the big horn sound, it really unsettles me, and the sound of the exhaust (when Tom Cruise is in the cellar with the stranger and they look out the window and they see a bloody place, there's this repetitive sound in the background). So I also get a lot of alien invasion dreams at times, with those sounds. It's the sounds that terrify me. I'd always end up dying at the end of the dream but there was this one reoccurring dream that really annoyed me, because I would die after trying to save my mom, so she'd die, too. It would always be at this hill that I fell down and because of that clumsiness, it was the end. But one time I made myself fly, knowing fully well I was in a dream, and avoided death in it. I haven't had the dream, or even any alien invasion, since.



Thank you for your time!

Age & Gender & Location {Required}: 18, Female, California

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